To call how I feel as depression is something that I shy away from, perhaps someone else would call it that. I am fed-up of being at home. I am fed-up at not being socialised. I repeated that I had an internet met-up with some friends coming up on Saturday and my wife told me that it was inconvenient. I told her it was happening. I need to clarify arrangements before it is too late. I have always been an in a hurry sort of person getting nothing done. Perhaps I am one of those people who does not get excited about anything. All I have ever wanted to do is shag as many women as possible, but I fear being lonely doing that. When it comes to considering anything else as a purpose for my life I can settle on a worthy thing here or there but these all require commitment which I do not have and they simply do not keep me enthralled. Sports are a fad that comes and goes, television passes me by pursuit of money, despite what my wife says, leaves me flat. It could be that this is what attracted me to the title for my journal God promises to the faithful energy and perseverance. I so want some of that but without trying. I would have gone to a P. site rather than here but the internet was slow and I had the space to open this up to post here as a result. To be honest I have collected a short list of alternative P sites to the usual ones and I am noticing real women all around in exercise gear. This can be considered a surrender of my reboot. I am also noticing something that I have not noticed for several years and that is a strong urge to M, that usually follows am extended period of edging.