They Shall Soar on Wings Like Eagles

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by GreyHeron, Nov 6, 2013.

  1. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    I still waste my time getting resentful at my wife, because I come home and there are chores to do.
    I am prioritising these as I see them, taking the attitude that if they are not finished then if she is bothered she will take them up. I felt slightly guilty that I was avoiding my younger son by getting started on them, but if he is bothered he can do something to get me done quicker.
    I have been so tired over the past week, I am making the effort to get some extra sleep. I hope that I am not over sleeping, I do not remember being this tired when my son was ill.

    Soar well

    Grey Heron
     
  2. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi, it is the weekend and my do I wish that my wife were all over me. I think that I expect sex at the weekend and have done so for a long while now. I get myself into a real mood on a Friday evening if Mrs Heron is not offering it, she usually keeps it hidden, so I have many miserable Friday's. I have once again threatened to take the actions of love, as the 12 steppers used to tell me, in the hope that I shall get better and that she will feel more cared for.
    Yesterday morning at the cashpoint (ATM) my eyes briefly met those of a woman next to me, I took a while to get over the shot of dopamine that precipitated.

    Soar Well
     
  3. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    This may sound totally male and careless and inconsiderate. It is a wifes duty to open her legs for her man. Without this the relationship is a friendship. While we all have things which bother us consideration is fine as long as it does not become consideration for one and denial for the other.
     
  4. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Thank you @Bobo, that is not the first time I have been given that advice. I agree that one man's right to free speech is another's culturally offensive opinion. At the end of the day there is room for compromise on both sides.

    I do not want to be shagging a corpse who is only interested in ticking it off her to do list, I may as well be in front of the laptop gland in my hand. Similarly me and her must move the agenda on to re-establish something that we lost a long time ago. We are supposed to be making an effort every week to make time for each other, but I get the feeling that I am driving that. Whilst it is not reason for me to walk out on her, I do feel that I have a legitimate justification to be more "selfish". I use the term selfish because I mean true to my values, ones that we clash over. So I am saying to her 'If you had been more reasonable then I could have denied this part of me' which is wrong again.

    Recently I have been feeling that the growth has stopped. As I have tried to restart the process there have been powerful set backs. I have tried to view these as distractions to the task in hand and not become disheartened at having to do something that I did not plan for. It is because of my disheartened energy that they fell out of practice in the first place.
     
  5. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Been evaluating what I have been reading on here over the past fortnight. It has occurred to me that I must snatch control of my balls back from my wife. I have been scared of the collateral damage, and frankly I still am. The status quo is not acceptable yet until now I have not seen the need to rock the boat. I have actions and she in my opinion has actions.
    My actions include focussing on those things I have identified to do and not to keep starting one thing after another. The stressful part of that pledge is which things to drop? I live my life with many projects on the boil with no focus on acheiving any of them. Over the course of this journal I have begun to read a number of books. Some of them I have finished, eventually, but then I am not clear about what the book is saying because along the way I have dipped into that one or have not had the time to do anything with what I have read. Self-care is not selfish I will see what happens when I get that clarity of sight.

    Soar well
     
  6. forlorn

    forlorn Active Member

    Since you went to the effort of getting it serviced, have you managed to get out on the commuter bike yet? Maybe going for a ride will give you a nice break and an opportunity to reflect on things. You seem like quite an introspective person - and your Mrs seems like like hard work at times. I can empathise with that.
     
  7. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi All,
    @forlorn The commuter bike service was not the success I expected. Still working on servicing the hybrid myself to be comfortable riding that in August.
    With regard to my post on 26th June, only partially interested in sex because I have brought a cold into the house. Been trying to force the conversation onto more frequent sex, her body image is distorting her validity. This may be a hang over from years ago when I did make an issue of it. Unfortunately, I have also noticed an escalation of materialistic thoughts. I am questioning whether the two are linked.

    Soar Well
     
  8. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    I am beginning to wonder where I get off. had my haircut in a unisex salon at the weekend. I was sat waiting, reading a magazine of my own. I could not help over-hearing a customer complaining about a man, sounds like he is really lost. I was trying to read but I also concluded that I was well off not being in the market if I might meet her. When she got up to leave I think I recognised her as a woman I may have referenced here in the past. What ever the case, I keep thinking of this woman and how I could rescue her and fix her.
    At work I have been more productive than recently, there is room to be better.

    I am relishing the thought of relinquishing my duty as governor at the school. At the same time I know there is another governor role at a different school and my mind also keeps thinking about increasing my stake in one of two social enterprises in my neighbourhood. So there is a part of me that is looking forward to making my life smaller, to do some of those self directed things on my to do list, whilst I am also excited by the opportunity to expand my life in a different direction. All the time I have this urge, guilt maybe, to spend time with my wife and children. When I look at some of the people who inspire me I wonder when they have down time for their families. More likely I wonder what I am doing wrong to be so ineffective. I have a role that I feel should be performed if I am to be involved yet I do not even meet that minimum. I found a video by is it 'Kilto Shetty'? He wishes that he had thought of this but it seems to be true of me, "I am not who I think I am, I am not who you think I am but I am who I think that you think that I am" that is so me so out of touch with who I really am, guess it is more meditation and soon.

    Soar Well
     
  9. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    As you are reading this I can say that I have regained the ability to post here from home. Unfortunately I have compromised my filters to do so.

    I have to say that I am doing fine, it feels like several gears have slotted into place over the past week and hopefully the fruits of these will be seen for some time to come. I hope to explain the reasons for my optimism in my next few posts here. As I say there is a spring to my step and even though I have noticed women, the bike moves faster when I think there is a woman to catch up to, I am not physically affected by them like I have been. Show me a P-subs picture in a newspaper or here on the internet and I do ask myself when I can next get the opportunity to view P, but I am brushing that off too. Thinking about P does not have to mean some of the negative outcomes that I have had before, and reported here, hopefully this will continue just so long as I am growing.

    Soar Well
     
    Last edited: Jul 17, 2019
    Gil79 likes this.
  10. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Well I am not so confident in my resilience today but I am still moving forward.

    I have spent some time with NMMNG and having taken the time to sit with one breaking free activity I am getting clarity on my aggression towards the chores. Unconsciously I have created a covert contract around this and my wife is not keeping up her side of this contract. I am trying to focus on being less connected to this and doing things because I am able to do this and it matters to me that it gets done.
     
    A New Man likes this.
  11. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Sorry that I have been absent for a while. Would like to pull the wool over your eyes, but who is that helping? I am ashamed that I have been neglecting this because I want to see this board help others and me being here and responding to others, I hope, helps to keep the board alive.
    Been up and down with flatlining and wanting to view P. I have searched suggestive images these give me a dopamine kick better than going straight for the P. A couple of times when I have searched I have been inspired by a colleague who I really could not tolerate a relationship with.
    I have struggled with my wife's attitude, when she has been miserable I have just wanted to tell her to stop being like that because I go there with her. She is often miserable, I wonder if she is depressed but she has people that she can talk to about that and she worries that I would try to fix her if she admitted it to me.
    There are things that come up in conversation that make me wonder why we are still married and how on earth we go about tackling these problems. Essentially in some scenarios I hear a friends voice asking "if you feel so strongly about that why are you not divorcing her?"

    Soar Well
     
  12. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Its the easy way out. Yes, sometimes its the only way but its amazing that when we change self ( no pmo) how that changes the nature of the things in the relationship how the women sense it w/o any outward proof.
     

Share This Page