The Worst Part Is When The Motivation Comes Back :(

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Mik2, Jan 25, 2017.

  1. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    I finish a binge of a few terrible categories of porn that shouldn't be available on the internet, I let the numbness settle over me after the 4th-5th mo. I tell myself there was nothing I could do as I had lost all motivation to do anything else in life besides watching sadistic porn.

    Then all of a sudden the motivation comes back, "you can do it this time" says the voice in my head, "you were just stressed out", "you just had too much to drink", "you had too much caffeine". As though I will never be stressed again for the rest of my life.

    Yeah well fuck you useless voice of naive motivation, give it a few days and I'll lose all interest in a meaningful life once again, then the high, then the numbness, and on and on.
    I used to be motivated to stop because I felt bad for some of the "performers" and wondered why they would ever consent to something so degrading and violent, why they would allow someone to stomp on their face, kick them in the nuts, or whip them until they buckle at the knees, all content that is readily available on good old porn hub. I don't feel anything any more, this world is so depraved and disgusting, still too cowardly to take an easy way out though ;) . At least I can turn my brain off occasionally and pretend reality doesn't exist perhaps alcohol will be the numbing agent of choice tonight.
     
  2. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

  3. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    I tried reading it, but it's very haphazard and difficult to follow.
     
  4. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Please try again, the background is now white and the font is easier on the eyes.

    You can read it from your phone while you're waiting in line or on the bus, etc.

    Many of your struggles are answered in that book.
     
  5. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Ha! Just I waited for to read it.

    I don't understand what you're getting at with this? I mean - what's the idea you want to share? Or what are you implicitely asking?

    I mean, one day you want to stop, the other day you say you want moderation, then that you're not an addict, then that moderation never works... Do you think that some introspection, work about the pros and cons of porn, and establishing a realistic set of rules (perhaps even with a timeline, if watching acceptable porn regularly and with moderation is your end goal) would work? Just so that you know that at some point, when free of overly intense cravings, you made a decision you should stick to.
     
  6. NatureHeals

    NatureHeals Active Member

    Your welcome to join the weekly challenges Mik2, I'll be happy for you to join. It might give you some peer support? You can start to give yourself small challenges and build. :)

    Newnes I would love for you to join to. It has helped me stay committed I have to admit.
     
  7. Mik2

    Mik2 Aka NwaltRed

    It's called venting, though perhaps I should put this in a journal instead.
    Yeah, one day I have a goal, and I'm never able to achieve it. That's the point, I'm tired of this fake confidence in recovery regardless of the method.
     
  8. spoofy

    spoofy Active Member

    I feel ya bro, so many people fail to understand it here, and have motivational spurts after relapse and then after a week relapse again, a vicious cringe-worthy cycle.

    At the end of the day, if we can't eliminate/reduce what led to the binge (e.g. life sucks), then we binge again next week (surprise, life still sucks)
     

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