The Weirdest Thing

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by CleanMind, Aug 21, 2018.

  1. CleanMind

    CleanMind New Member

    So after more than three years (43 months) trying to reboot I was finally able to have sex about three days ago. I was probably 80% hard and still needed stimulation to maintain it but so far it was the best progress I have ever experienced in these three years. The weirdest thing is that I had relapsed three weeks before this, unlike other times where I have tried after a five month streak with no success.

    A little bit of my background: When I was 16 years old I used to have sex for a year with a girlfriend in college. After we broke up thats when the PMO really started to kick in. I had two girlfriends after college whom I couldn't get hard with. Maybe one I was able to get it hard at the end of the relationship but then she broke up with me and wasn't able to continue progressing (this was 8 years ago and didn't know about PMO). So I continued masturbating like crazy with long sessions and always the same genre, until I turned 29 (three years ago) and thats when I decided to quit PMO and masturbation altogether. In those three years I had streaks of no masturbation and no orgasms several times. Best ones were two of 5 months, one of 3 months, and several of a couple of months. While I felt the mental benefits of abstinence I didn't feel any progress down there. I remember one time after 5 months of no PMO and MO, I could not even get it up for masturbation and so I came flaccidly in 2 minutes. I even tried with a prostitute at the end of another streak and still failed. I tried natural herbs and still nothing. I would always try with prostitutes. Not that often but usually at the end of a long streak. I would get nocturnal erections every now and then specially in the last year.

    I tried celibacy of mind and body to keep the sexual pathways clean. Stayed away from women altogether in these past two years and even tried to avoid them to the point where people started to think I was gay. But I kept on relapsing, every six weeks or so in this past year. So about two weeks ago I decided to ask this girl out whom I have known for while but we are not friends, to an event where people can finally see me with a girl and not think I am gay (gotta keep my manhood). I was only planning on seeing her that one time but we ended up going out three times after that mostly because she kept on talking to me.

    Every date with her was amazing but always nervous about my inability to satisfy her so I decided to tell her because she was already expecting me to have sex with her and was getting disappointed in herself. I told her that I wanted to wait 6 months before trying but that I could satisfy her other ways. And thats exactly what I did. I kissed her throughout her whole body, gave her tongue, massaged her even if my brain didn't assimilate it as exciting but I figured I would learn it.

    On the third date after I made her come with my mouth, she started giving me oral but I could not get it up. But on the fourth date she did give me a hard on with oral and was able to penetrate her. I was surprised. I wasn't even trying but just that feeling that she wanted me, turned me on. Not like all those prostitutes that I was paying to want me, her feelings were legit towards me and that excited me. I figured erections are more than just physical attraction but a mutual feeling of arousement. I guess the pheromones that she releases help us achieve erections somehow. Also, the fact that I have been trying with condoms all these years but this time it was raw.

    Additionally, The anxiety and pressure of not being able to perform was gone once I told her about my situation on the third date. I think this helped me a lot too. Knowing that I satisfied her with oral and that she wanted to satisfy me afterwards was a new feeling for me. I have always had low self esteem so this came as an excitement for me.

    Nevertheless, I did not come with her. I didn't want to end my three week streak. Now that I know the benefits of semen retention I don't wanna lose them. These three years have made me appreciate life without women and sex. That feeling that you can control your animal urges and focus on other things is great. I can go six weeks without ejaculating, no problem. At one point I had accepted the fact that I am ok without sex, why bother if it doesn't work. Anyways, I am going to try again this weekend, lets see how it goes.
     
  2. simon1986

    simon1986 Member

    Keep me updated. Well done on successful sex and your reboot so far.
     
  3. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    You are incredibly strong, dude. To be able to go that long without pmo or watching porn is commendable. I haven't been able to go more than 23 days in the past 10 years. I'm 33 now, but I don't suffer from any ED or trouble having sex with my partner. I've read stories of people taking literally years to repair their brain and be able to have successful sex. I'm not sure what it is about it all and why some people have more trouble than others with getting erections while addicted to this crap. Even though I have the reverse problem (ejaculate upon insertion within seconds most times), I also get crazy anxiety after porn binges that last for nearly 10 days. I'm going to follow your posts because you've made such great progress with going without porn for so long. That fact that you got aroused with this new chick is definitely showing you it was all worth it. You were able to penetrate after the 3rd date! That's amazing dude. I think you're completely right about her feelings for you being real and how that may have affected your ability to get hard. This stuff is definitely more than just physical. I'm pulling for you.
     
  4. CleanMind

    CleanMind New Member

    Thank you for your support guys.

    Today I had a wet dream and woke up with morning wood. The last time I had a morning wood like this was when I was on my five month streak like two years ago so I think this a good sign. The wet dream messed me up though. I feel kind of depressed and with lack of libido. This is why I hate coming because it feels like I lose my powers. I hope this doesn't affect me when I see this girl next time.

    Intothewild89: what works for me is identifying my weakest moments when your instincts try to overcome your reasoning. For me is when I am hungry, sleep deprived, excited, sad, stressed. Your animal brain thinks it can resolve these moments by masturbating. You think you are horny with high libido but is your brain trying to trick you. I tell my brain that this urge must be something else that I am lacking. I convince myself of this and try to satisfy my brain in some other ways such as exercising, meditating, running. Is basically a battle between your intelligent brain and your animal brain. You must become the master of your animal brain.
     
    Intothewild89 likes this.
  5. Intothewild89

    Intothewild89 Active Member

    Well said. I'll remember this when I get close to my next binge. It's so sneaky, I recall last week I went from the extremes of "you're totally never doing this again" to "sure why not" within hours. It happens just like that. Thanks for the tips!
     

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