The waffel diary - day 61 Relapse

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by waffel, Mar 15, 2012.

  1. Re: The waffel diary - day 39

    39 days is great. I've never had a wet dream, so don't worry.
     
  2. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 39

    Thanks for the feedback guys!
     
  3. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 39

    DAY 40

    Whoah, I haven't been this horny for as long as I can remember. I really have to pull my hand away from my penis. The need to masturbate feels enormous and I've been having erections all morning, I've really goy to get out of bed. I'm turning into a testosteron filled sexual bull if I continue. But having so much sexual energy sure feels good. Starting this no-fap has been one of the best decisions in my life, but also one of the hardest.

    Just took a shower & the urges are gone, thank god; I really thought I was going to relapse.
     
  4. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 43

    DAY 43

    Rebalancing really isn't a lineair proces, something that is now becoming very clear to me. While on day 40 I was horny as hell, the next day I didn't feel any kind of hornyness at all. In fact it's quite strange, especially after yesterday. The more days pass in this reboot the more I learn about my personality and it's flaws. Yesterday as example I was flirting with a (drunk) ex-girlfriend of a friend of mine and she's cute but a bit on the "big" side and really not my type. Although I was horny and got a stiffie from flirting with her I didn't do anything even when she hinted at a one-night stand.

    It seems I'm kind of afraid of intimacy, although the reasons are unclear to me at this time (low-self esteem, being bullied in the past, anxiety, being a late-bloomer etc...). Anyways, I'm more driven than ever to turn this reboot into my succes. I'm already seeing the benefits of it and I will never ever return to that stage of addiction.

    I'll add some more recent findings this night when I return from my Poker game with the amigos.

    Meanwhile I'd love to take some time into expanding the benefits it has brought to me.

    - First of all I can say that it really has changed my energy levels, I sleep better & I'm a lot more alert during the day, I notice smaller things and learn/read things a lot faster. This might also be possible because I used to wait until my brother was gone at night, or when he went to bed before pmo'ing, to make sure I wasn't caught, but as we both are night types this could in some cases be around 5 in the morning, not a great way to have a good rest. Now I just watch a series or something and before the episode ends I'm fast asleep. Also I geep going to the gym to lose some of my testosteron, and it pays off.
    - EYE CONTACT, I used to be afraid of eye contact. Especially with male friends because of HOCD & strangers but this is rapidly changing. After all they are just glanses you make with your eye and nothing more if you desire so. It feels more naturally & it greatly improves the conversation you're having with the other partner.
    - More certain of yourself: I guess because of the higher levels of male hormones in your body you're really stand by your ideas more. It's odd to say but you will defend your will & won't budge that easy anymore. I used to be too nice, always said yes, etc... But in ratio I didn't get enough back so this no-pmo has changed me significantly. While I'm still a nice guy, the no's come a lot easier. I only would say yes if I want it, or it could benefit me or a relation in the future. My general priority is no longer the rest, but ME! How do I feel about this is one of the most important questions you can ask yourself.

    Some negatives:
    - I tend to be very territorial of attacking (especially with girls), more than ever I understand that going out & meeting other people is just an evolutionary game between you and your peers for the best catch. It's odd to say but before my rebalancing I'd never thought about things this way, while now I can easily see how this could break friendships and why bro's should aways come before hoe's. It also gets me quite agressive, I won't be pushed around like a toy. Especially when drinking alcohol it has turned me into a more volatile person, but it never really expanded into something dangerous. Also I would never take the first step.
    That's just the hormones in my body because I'm a really peaceful, stabile guy when sober. (will work on this through yoga)
    - Emotions tend to get intensified too. Crying over a memory or a situation from the past or while watching a movie / documentary occurs. Reactions are also more extreme, while watching a horror movie I'd get really cautious.
     
  5. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 46

    Day 46

    Hello again. Yesterday I've passed the first half of my reboot proces. Although I've longed for it since the beginning, I've been losing count of the days. The only way to remember the correct number of days is to take a look at this thread. Not too much too add, libido is still an on / off, sometimes I can get it hard through my imagination, but sometimes there's nothing. Same with conversations I have with girls, some times there's a lot of arousal and sometimes nothing. I guess it's still part of the flatlining, so no real worries about this. I've been thinking about some goals for me to reach these coming months. Here they are:

    - Learning a new language, thinking of Indonesian.
    - Acing my dissertation & taking good exams.
    - Be in the best shape I have ever been when summer arrives.
    - ... tba

    I've been noticing that I'm a lot better at planning & mapping my life at this moment. I have the feeling I can take on any obstacle. Anyways of to play a board game with the friends, have a good day.
     
  6. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 46

    You were like a drunkard who always had some alcohol in his system, even between binges.

    Now you're sober.

    Stay strong.
     
  7. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 46

    Thanks for the kind words! This really has been one of the most caring online communities I've been a part of!
     
  8. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 46

    Anyone else having trouble when peeing during their no pmo? Like difficulty peeing at times, something like a shy blatter, even when there's nobody around? Isn't that a sign that my prostate is filled?

    On the other hand, I've past the 50 days marker. I'm glad about the progress but things have been rather neutral the last couple of days, the weather is shit too again so that might have an influence on it. Periods of hornyness & flatlining are succesive and there isn't a clear winner at all, erections have become stronger but still not 100%.
     
  9. RecoverED

    RecoverED Guest

    Re: The waffel diary - day 46

    I've had this issue as well, but it is a lot more exaggerated when people are around. Congrats on making it 50 days. That is a fantastic accomplishment.
     
  10. Re: The waffel diary - day 50

    wow! Congrats on the 50 days, man!
    If the diminished urinary flow continues, maybe you should see an urologist.
     
  11. Everyday Resolve

    Everyday Resolve New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 50

    I have something similar happen. After I urinate I notice that most times, a minute later, I haven't fully emptied my bladder and will have to go back and finish. I've been told that it's due to weak nerves/muscle control from all the M'ing. Once a good reboot is underway or completed things will strengthen and return to normal. Although a slight amount of excess urine can be normal and can be drained moments after the initial act.
     
  12. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 50

    Wow just had an erotic dream involving an actress I find attractive, unfortunately it woke me up... and I was even more aroused. Still no wet dream.
    However when I wanted to get down on her I was worried about ED...

    Ok! So I am on day 52 today. The 90 days are closing in fast, time has really been flying...
    Just to let you know that my sexual health is starting to get better! Harder & longer erections, especially in the morning. However it's getting harder & harder not to be aroused and not to 'relieve' myself, especially when taking a shower or in the morning when in bed. I do notice hot girls a lot more, however talking to strange women is still a big nono for me, I really feel afraid to be seen as a stalking freak, you probably understand me (eye-contact gives me the creeps). Workout is a bit on the low the last couple of days as some school stuff has be taken care of urgently, but it has been . Also gave blood plasma yesterday, feels good to know I've helpen someone with my leftovers ;).

    Still going strong, I expect of you to keep true to your promises!
     
  13. finallyfaund

    finallyfaund New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 52

    Has eye contact always felt like that or has it changed? I noticed slight improvements recently. Meeting eyes with hot girls and smiling at each other feels good yeh?
     
  14. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 52

    It's just a feeling of inadequacy, more like the feeling why should she be interested in me? It's getting better though, training on it.
     
  15. crazyfrog11

    crazyfrog11 New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 50

    Me too, but I have to go to the bath room about 1 hour after I urinate, sometime 30 minutes.
     
  16. no_one

    no_one New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 52

    hey guy good luck on your reboot.

    i also experienced some depression and weirdness around day 30, it was kinda scary but you seem to be getting on quite well now so i guess i have nothing to worry about
     
  17. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 54

    DAY 54

    The horny urges when I wake up are really killing me more & more. It's so hard not to relieve myself. My guess is I've past through most of the flatlining at this stage as erections & hornyness keeps increasing every day. Mostly wake up with strong erections, but still no wet dream! I'm afraid if I can't find anybody to relieve myself my ball are going to explode ;D. Been having very vivid dreams a lot, and I am better at remembering those. Also, I think I've made a new record in class-attendance, I've been to all my classes this week, something which I can't seem to recall in my four years at college, so the increased energy levels are either placebo or the no-pmo is definitely paying off. Social anxiety is on/off too, it's rather unpredictable: it depends on my mood.

    Warriors stay strong!
    Greetings from Belgium

    P.S. forgot to mention but I had immense porn urges to watch my favourite scenes again...porn is indeed an addiction like any other.
     
  18. storyhasshown

    storyhasshown New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 54

    Nice work waffel. I'm on my second week and journals like yours give something to look forward to :). Hang in there.
     
  19. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Re: The waffel diary - day 54

    Good job resisting the urges! Stay strong.
     
  20. waffel

    waffel New Member

    Re: The waffel diary - day 58

    DAY 58

    Soooo, day 58 today

    I've been having my hands full with my bachelor's dissertation. I threw out the original version I was working on because the question that my scription was centered on sucked a lot, and it wasn't possible to draw any conclusions from. So I started again, although the deadline is may 3'd I'm certain I will make the deadline. No fap has given me so much energy & clarity that I feel rather unvincible. So today I went to the library to read some more about my subject & meanwhile looking around at the hot girls that come study there, made some eye contact (and it feels more & more natural).

    Also got a message from a girl I know that was studying there too, we went to the copy shop together and meanwhile talked a little bit. She's quite pretty and I could feel something moving down there, but not a lot. Woke up without any morning erections too this morning. The flatline clearly isn't totally gone (or stress is causing this)! Porn cravings on the other hand are still diminishing, I now feel that I don't need porn anymore at all.

    So that's all for today amigos!
     

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