The starting point of my journey was on 19 nov. I relapsed on january 3, so it was around 45 days on my first try. I didn't use porn though when relapsing, but the last 3 days till today I fapped once every day, so 3 times. My libido is healthier than ever, and I manage to get full blown erections on my own now without any visible stimulations. I used a picture of a womans bare ass when fapping twice(after I got the boner), and the difference in how I come is very different now than 19 nov when I started. I used to contract my PC muscles and the build up was very forced. Now I managed to relax everything down there under the entire fap(s), to not get into old patterns. Even masterbated lying completely on my back, instead of sitting in the jerking chair looking at my PC. I suffered from losing erections while having sex and fapping. I'm not fully aware if it's because I have performance anxiety, loss of interest in women or both. I even thought I had PIED but I am not sure at all.. One thing I do know is that I still lose erections if I stand up, the nofap didn't change that. But I've read that it might be because I have a weak pelvis floor, which I can do something about by doing exercises. I've done a lot of kegel excersises under this nofap btw. After I finished fapping before the 45 days, I felt like shit, the last 3 times after I relapsed I've felt fine. Didn't even feel dirty, I just felt great, like a good stress reliever. I've decided to get back on the horse and continue the nofap. The goal is to be fully able to enjoy sex with a girl without conserns, with a rockhard boner and to have the feeling that I want to please the girl (and actually want sex). Overall, even though I relapsed to fapping (not porn), I felt like it was a good thing for my physical and psychological health. My nuts hurt like hell, and my boner count thruout the days were on a good level. I think I got out of flatling after like 40 days, and I felt like an asexual (even kissed a gay man on new years eve to check if I'm just gay, no responds though, and no interest). Now I feel very good even though I fapped, and it does not feel like I am back at day 0, because I did not use porn and I fapped in such a relaxed way without forcing it or anything, it just felt natural like my body needed it. I am going to continue to be strong and try to reach my goal of 90 days. Even though I relapsed.