The ups and downs of the Bob reboot (Found my Mojo lost my Libido)

"The 'lost my libido' part of the title of my writings here is still valid. There is still not much feeling in my cock. Sometimes when in bed with Michelle I don't even feel I have a hard-on. I have to check. Kinda feels ridiculous to have to check if I have a hard on or not...
I still call that flatline. It does not surprise me the amount of pulling I have done but it is frustrating. I am longing to feel that roar of sexual energy through my being, in a healthy way. And it still feels far away."

I don't like to compare my healing to others here because I don't know their history of porn abuse, I freely admit that I was one of the worst PMO abusers around -- and thus my reboot is a long one. I'm at peace with that.

And, I still struggle with DE and some sensation loss. But, I honestly don't get frustrated anymore because I still see signs of progress all the time. Healing is just a matter of time, have faith in the process and your body and mind's capability for change.
Many of of us unwiring decades of sexuality, that doesn't happen over night.

Your body will heal in it's own time. But it will heal.

 

Bobjes,

Thanks for your post. Regarding flatline I agree we need to be careful with our expectations and I know what you mean about the fear of losing the erection. I was kind of hoping that starving myself of sexual imagery and porn that somehow my arousal with a real women would override my fear. I’m not there yet. I guess my 98 days is not enough. With all the years I spent in PMO a year seems reasonable.

I’m glad to hear Michelle recieved good news. I agree with Saville about her suggestion you should explore sex with other women. You might choose to do that but don’t think it is okay with her.

It’s great you started surfing again! I surf a little. Being an old guy I have a longboard. I can’t always get out when the surf is good and on the northeast coast of the US the conditions aren’t the best. You are right about it being a great workout. N.Y. shoulders ache for a couple days after. Also there is something almost mystical about it. Reading the wind and the waves, feeling the water. It’s hard to explain to people who don’t surf. About 5 years back I was surfing when a pod of dolphins dropped in and took the wave.

Hang in there brother!

 

@bobjes, I am back b/c of you. Just wanted to say hi

GtG (rugger but don't tell anyone ... new journey, new name)

 

Hi Guys,

All is good. Update coming soon.
The P free life is so much more exciting. (-:

I wanted to share with you this "movement" I found mainly aimed at young people. Porn Kills Love... Check it out.

https://fightthenewdrug.org/fighter-pledge/

Hope you are all well (-:

 

I got really drunk the other night in town while watching a band. Great fun. In my drunken state I realised that I am not a "wanker" anymore. That is kinda huge. I used to be down on myself pretty much continually, calling myself names including the epithet "wanker". Feels great not to be able to call myself that anymore as PMO, MO and M have pretty much vanished from my existence. Feels great to actually feel some pride about who I am and how I live my life. One of those beautiful by-products of the reboot. And a reminder of how deep the years of self abuse go... Wishing the same for all of you!

Michelle and I split up, it was a good meeting for both of us, healing for both of us in the sharing we did. Our friendship has deepened.

Lots of interest on the woman front. The magic powers phenomenon often talked about in these forums is just a man in charge of his destiny and sexuality, centered, confident, calm. And probably for the first time ever I look on with discernment.
A young woman (36) I have known for years asked for us to be lovers, it is beautiful, warm, light, fun, mind blowing love making we engage in and great talks as well and good boundaries.
The tiny sliver of cialis I take seems to be doing wonders for my confidence and makes my dick feel "normal" again. Feels so good to have the feeling of fucking each others brains out, I truly thought I would never experience that again! And what a great way to start the new year. Welcome to 2018 is what she said in our post coital daze, funny and poignant at the same time.

In No more Mr Nice Guy speak, the process of baking the cake is happening. Still quite a bit of stuff to be worked on. Got some work to do on the professional front, no idea how I am going to beat my nicotine addiction ( I do actually but avoiding it (sounds familiar?)), gotta get my teeth fixed, my knee fixed, gotta work further on my finances, still watching way too many tv series, further self care routines etc. etc. The journey goes on but that is the nature of journeys. And I have to thank this PMO-rebooting journey as that has been the catalyst for me to look beyond surviving, the catalyst to look for what I need and want to be a happy, honest and productive human being.

Wishing you all the best 2018

 

!!!

 

Fuck yeah!!