The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by TheUnderdog, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. FrustratedHub

    FrustratedHub New Member

    The above describes my habit to the T, almost like you were in my freaking mind or something. Really really unreal.

    I bolded the second part about boredom. That is my "trigger", and when I would usually look at porn the most. Didn't want to do anything else, wasn't in the mood, so porn, hours and hours worth.

    I'm nearly two weeks in (tomorrow) of no porn and masturbation, and I think I'm handling it pretty good thus far, although I know the true test is yet to come (longevity). Honestly though, I think two weeks is the longest I have gone without looking and masturbating to porn since I first started back when I was 16-17 years old (I'm 38 now).

    I have had sex with my wife twice since I quit back on April 9th, so I know I don't have it as hard a lot of guys do if they are abstaining from orgasm completely. That said, for the first time in my life, I have hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel for me, and that I'm going to succeed this time.

    Thanks much for putting together this forum.
     
  2. job

    job New Member

    Hi, bumping this again--I just re-read it. Number 2 so important for me--not to get down on myself for a "fail" but to look at it as a "win" --that I am not using porn every single day or night (until 3 or 4 in the am).

    Number 3--yep, the more you are on this blog and internet it seems like the issue crops up again. So I need to learn to limit myself.
     
  3. Brazilian

    Brazilian New Member

    Very good post. I'm from Brazil, I'm 42 years old and since 12 years I'm addicted to porn, but only discovered it two years. Since then I have struggled to get rid of this addiction. I discovered the site this week when I took a break at work and I was pretty much all Monday and Tuesday watching porn on the internet. I have made ​​mistakes in the past three years, but I decided to get rid of the addiction. I congratulate you for your work and hope I reach my goals and cross the barrier of abstinence.
     
  4. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Bump to remind people of mistake #2.

    Don't hang up on the 90-100 day mark.

    Relax.
     
  5. battleforchange

    battleforchange New Member

    hi
    everyone i m new on this forum but actually i m struggling with this shit for last 4-5 years.
    since 1 year i my trying to free from pmo but on average of 10 days i relapse, i dont know where i m doing wrong.
    Plz suggest me how i can stay sober for longer days.
    By the way your article is very help. thanx for psting
     
  6. elmiobrain

    elmiobrain Guest

    Thank you Underdog for this post.
    Best wishes for you.
     
  7. Humate

    Humate Member

    I went nearly 8 months without porn (Still MO'd though in this time) but recently relapsed about a month ago. And I have to agree, that the chaser effect is much lower than what It used to be. At the moment, I'm only masturbating about once per week, but this is such a big achievement from doing it nearly 1-2 times a day, for goodness knows how long.

    The only reason why I still do it once per week, is because it literally takes about 5-7 days to feel horny again. And then I simply have a loss of will power and cave in almost everytime. I know it's not as good as good as going 90+ days but I am slowly starting to get a grasp of why I relapse time and time again. For me personally, It's time spent spent on the computer on lonely nights and junk food that seem to be the main triggers. I have introduced an exercise routine that has kept a little bit busy & occupied, to which I believe is the reason why I have improved so much on time between relapses.

    I think the biggest thing that you need to realise, like the op says, is that you will without a doubt relapse 1000x before seeing any improvement. And by improvement, I mean understanding why you relapse in the first place. Everytime I relapse, I look back at it , following the sequence of events in my head and seeing how I could've stopped it in order to be more aware of my actions for next time. E.g, I longer use my laptop in bed, simply because it was a place where I would PMO. A few days ago I used my laptop in bed for the first time in ages and those PMO urges came flooding back and hence, I relapsed.

    Becoming aware of your triggers and dealing with them is one of the most vital components to overcoming this, I believe.
     
  8. TheFuture

    TheFuture Allow me to reintroduce myself

    I definitely relate to #1, I would PMO every time I was stressed, or pissed off, especially if I had an argument with my wife. The strange thing is I used wonder why we never had make up sex, now I know why. I killed all desire for real sex. I agree with #2 also, the last few times I relapsed I just reset and carried on rebooting. I use to PMO 3-4 times a week, I've been attempting to reboot for about 4 months now so roughly 120 day, pre-reboot that was equated to somewhere between 48 and 64 PMO sessions across 4 months. However in the last 4 months I have PMO'd 5 times a massive reduction. If you look at it in hours it even more crazy, on average 1.5 a session. I take the average of 48 and 64 which is 56 and multiple by 1.5, I get 84 hours of PMO ing. I take my recent 4 month average 5 * 1.5, I get 7.5 hours of PMO ing. 7.5 is roughly 9% of 84, so a 91% reduction. I have to see this as a success and being able to enjoy normal sex again would be the icing on the cake.
     
  9. ted93704

    ted93704 Keep Your Heads Up!

    I really got a lot out of this post. Thanks Underdog. When I wetn 3 months without porn before it was a result of not feeling guilty and finding other ways to make myself feel better (workign out) and just not thinking about porn. The ladder one really helped! Just forget about it
     
  10. stretcher

    stretcher New Member

    I see I've been wasting my time hanging out in the social advice forum when I should have been checking out this forum and thread. Good stuff.
     
  11. stretcher

    stretcher New Member

    The bolder part describes me to a T as well. Especially the part about people in forums not responding to my posts being a trigger for porn use. Being socially needy/trolling in other sites, getting no responses or reactions to the attention-whoring ugliness I used to throw around, always made me antsy and retreat pretty quickly to porn.

    Since cutting out Facebook and all the groups I belonged to there, that particular trigger is largely gone.
     
  12. Tbk

    Tbk New Member

    First time here and have already learnt something. Thank you for the advice and encouragement.
     
  13. SaturdaySun

    SaturdaySun To see is to be free

    Mistake #1 is the killer

    I do porn - feel tired, ashamed and bummed out - so I do porn to feel better - i feel like crap - I get a great idea. Do porn to feel better - I feel worse. :eek:

    What a painful spiral this can be.
     
  14. Joo

    Joo Guest

    Wow, I'm happy to read this post right now.
    Very helpful.
     
  15. DouglasQuaid

    DouglasQuaid Failure is a part of Success

    great post
     
  16. peacefulwarrior87

    peacefulwarrior87 New Member

    Hi everyone I'm new to the forum, I want to thank the author for this great thread, those are 3 golden rules I will keep in mind. Thank you again.
     
  17. Dingofang

    Dingofang New Member

    This post changed my life. Thank you for writing it OP.
     
  18. bouchvt

    bouchvt New Member

    Wow, this really made me feel a lot better about where I'm currently at in my life. After reading the main post and all comments I have a few thoughts and questions. I'll preface by saying I'm 32 yr old male and single. I have been MO to porn probably since age 13 or 14. When I started it was all with magazines (xxx variety) as the internet was not in its heyday. Also had a few movies. To make an estimate, I'd say I've pretty much been a daily PMO since that time and often multiple times a day. I'm sure there were random days of abstinence here and there but on average...

    #1 is definitely a huge issue for me. I have recently started going to a therapist to work through some other points of depression (although I think the 32, single, and losing hope on ever having a meaningful relationship) is the largest contributor to the depression. I am now 100% sure that for a LONG time I have used PMO and the instant gratification as a form of self medication along with frequent marijuana uses and excessive gaming. I have been clean from smoking or gaming for about 6 months each now but didn't realize how big of a deal this addiction was until recently.

    Some areas where I question my addiction or where I'm at. I have never had any symptoms of ED, still have very high libido, morning wood etc even with frequent PMO. I have also never really progressed to needing more and more obscure or hardcore version of porn. Not sure if this means I am less addicted then I think or what? One of my main goals is to clear my life of all debilitating addictions and move forward. I want to be a happier person and currently I'm just not there.

    Another area where I really have an extremely hard time is the thinking about it. Even if I'm not watching porn I am still thinking about it almost daily. Or multiple times daily. Is this pretty much just as bad as watching. I remember specific scenes and once that thought has gotten into my head, it is almost torturous until I relapse. I also work with a woman that I am extremely attracted to, and I have vivid sexual fantasies involving her constantly. Not really sure how to get over this part. The porn is in my head, I've seen so much of it. Really hard to just drop it and focus on something else.

    All in all, I'm glad to be part of the forums. I'm desperately trying to get my life sorted out and on track and I feel like writing this post is a huge weight off my back. Good luck to everyone that is struggling as I am and trying to beat their demons.
     
  19. phthanh85

    phthanh85 Let's GET RID OF PORN!!!

    Your post contains so much useful info. Thanks a lot, dude!
     
  20. Shmar

    Shmar New Member

    Well said, thanks
     

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