The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by TheUnderdog, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. ghostrider

    ghostrider Member

    Point taken.I guess I kind of knew that but the flatline scares the shit of me. After 4 failed attempts at sex in the last 2-3 years, I know that I've still got a lot of rebooting to do. Been on a couple of dates since starting this reboot and made out a couple of times. Nothing happened what so ever. Same as with the 4 fails so I know I need to reboot further. Interesting that Gary mentioned something similar about basically rewiring on his latest radio show.
     
  2. RedPill

    RedPill Back to Reality...

    I had that at a strip club on a stag-do once. Still nothing. And she was hot as hell.

    I have to say that I don't like the idea of just assuming that I will feel like having sex at some random moment when my dick decides to spring up, like a railway track switch. It's not as if I'm waiting until I'm walking around with a permanent boner, but I'd like to think that I'll at least have a craving for sex when I see a girl, and at the very least when I'm making out with her. I'm not shy, but I still feel very emotionally withdrawn when around women, as if I like the idea of being with them, but I don't really feel it at the core of my being yet. If you are suggesting that I just start making out with them anyway and take their clothes off and just trust that my dick will wake up and then shag them, well that doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me.

    I need to feel that primal urge surging through my body. I need to feel like I have to be with this woman, that I have to feel her all over me. If it's just purely a mechanical thing with my dick working, then that is not real sex in my book. If that is, in fact, real sex, then I'm not interested. My understanding of sex (and the couple of girls I've had foreplay with) is that you have to have an emotional connection with the person - an intimacy. The scene from the film "Shame" illustrates this point well. He's been seeing prostitutes and shagging random one night stands against city skips, but when it comes to having slow, sensual sex with a possible future girlfriend, he buckles. He lacks the emotional intimacy. Now I'd like to think that I should be able to figure out if I have these feelings before I get to the stage where I'm lying on top of her naked. Otherwise, it's just not worth it.

    If you have this 'got to have her now' feeling around everyday women, then that's great, you're healed. But I don't yet. And it doesn't sound like Ghostrider does either.
     
  3. richard29

    richard29 Member

    "There is this damaging belief in the forum that success is measured by how many straight days you go without porn."

    Shit, man, this is SO me. If i fuck up i think all's lost and get stuck in a hole. Then the cycle of relapsing starts to repeat itself.

    Man, i really need to get thinking that the noPMO journey is underway whether or not i've relapsed, thought about P etc.

    Helpful :)
     
  4. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Good post and I agree with most of it.

    There has to be some desire, some drive, some connection.

    But I'm not sure if it's good to wait until these feelings arise before even attempting to go out and flirt with women. Hanging out with women by itself can awaken these feelings. After all, there is a rewiring process.

    Now, if a guy was binging hard to porn everyday just one month ago, then I can understand his inclination to wait. I'm talking about guys who've been rebooting on and off for months and are still rejecting dates and opportunities because of fear of not getting it up. Like I said before, I used to believe that I must absolutely had to go at least 3 months of abstinence in order to get cured, but I was wrong.

    Just because it took GABE 9 months to get cured doesn't mean it's the same for everyone else. Actually GABE is a very extreme case, as he got hooked on porn at a very young age. But he also rebooted with a girlfriend supporting him.

    PS. You're almost one month of no PMO holy fucking shit. I wanna cry of happiness for you.
     
  5. Taradon

    Taradon Looking for a change...

    I understand these mistakes, but mistake number 1 is the one I am most guilty of. Too tired or feeling overwhelmed and PMO was easy, relaxing and made me feel good temporarily. It took awhile but I finally started to understand that feeling better in some small way was why I was using so frequently. I had already started to change my focus away from porn before I learned that my ED was actually caused by PMO...high speed internet, excessively easy to find and use porn and a painful break up with my wife led me to use porn to feel better. Self medication. I used porn AFTER my break up...it didn't cause the break up...just saying. :)

    I only just started the reboot last week and noticed my energy levels and focus on real life tasks coming back. It was a change in my attitude first that was helping me. The changes in my body and brain will come in time. Not focusing on the relapse is a good strategy too. There are so many sources of near-porn...watch a music video, TV shows, movies...sex is everywhere. You would drive yourself crazy trying to avoid all this input. But you just step back relax and don't focus on it. I think. :)

    I am having a good day and I am making this my new habit.
     
  6. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    Marnia it just amazes me everytime how supportive you are!

    Rejecting dates just seems silly to me! But it can definetly be frigtening. Since you still don't feel 100%. My advice would be to take it slow and take your time.

    To be honest porn really has made a mess to my life, but I find that you have to push through that and face that. At work I just sucked the first two weeks. Why? I had brain fog, bad concentration, I was tired all the time. But I also knew that I had to have that job, else I would just be a chronic relapser and would be stuck at home being bored to death!

    I also had to combine this with my thesis. Why? Well last year I was too depressed to work on it! Well you have to hand it in sometime!! I had to do this after my work and in the weekends. This was stressfull beyond belief! Monday I handed it in and boy I just felt a surge of energy returning to me.

    Right now I'm also hitting the gym again and it just feels wonderfull. Next on the list is more social contact, particurarily in the women department.

    I actually think that most guys on this forum keep relapsing because they arn't rewiring enough. Let me illustrate. When I stayed at home a lot (just graduated), I had a weekly relapse and I just couldn't stop watching. Last week I had a small porn moment again (open computer in our house). Do you want to know how long it lasted? 10 minutes MAX and I turned it off myself and I finished myself in my bedroom. Now how is this not significant? Normally I have relapses that took 45 minutes or longer, sometimes up to multiple hours!!!

    Now I'm turning it off myself and I actually was disgusted with myself!

    What I'm starting to believe is that these rewire activities unconsciously tell you, hey man this is waaaay better then porn. And if you combine that with all the knowledge on this forum + your own negative experiences with it. Well that's a very powerfull combo! I also believe that this is the TRUE secret to a succesfull reboot. Most of the guys in the hall of fame really have quite a fulfilled life.

    I'm also starting to realize that everytime we literally get bombarded by opportunities, but we just don't take them! All of that is really changing now in my life and I just feel it.

    Sorry for the messy post, I had to type very quickly.
     
  7. ghostrider

    ghostrider Member

    I certainly don't have a 'got to have her now' feeling and that's what I miss. I can remember it but I can't remember when it went away. Why I didn't feel it going away is beyond me now. I guess I was lost in Porn. Underdog makes another good point. Gabe beat ED with the help of a girlfriend.Gary mentioned something along the same lines last night, that guys need to get out and meet people. I've noticed the same around this forum, guys do seem to be recovering with the help of partners. Catch 22.
     
  8. I have experienced the 3 of them, but I wasn't that aware of it.
     
  9. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    Could this thread be made a "sticky topic" ?
     
  10. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    I will.
     
  11. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    It will be soon. UD will get around to it at some point, he promised he would make it a sticky ;)
     
  12. FindingSanctuary

    FindingSanctuary One foot before the other.

  13. High_Achiever

    High_Achiever New Member

    true this is a very solid post!

    If you actually think how this forum has evolved: orgasm reboot, this thread.

    Really solid!
     
  14. shaolinbruce

    shaolinbruce New Member

    This is an awesome post. I really like the Buddhist reference - I think it can be very useful. :D
     
  15. BanquosGhost

    BanquosGhost Member

    Shameless BUMP - de facto sticky...
     
  16. GizZy

    GizZy Want my boner back!

    good advice, glad I found it! thanks.

    GizZy
     
  17. Barneybarn

    Barneybarn Reboot and rewire!

    @ Gizzy, The Underdog is the founder and administrator of this site. I think I will always be thankful to him not only for creating this platform, but for continuously searching for new ways, answers and techniques to improve the reboot process.

    Ergo/Concordantly/Therefore

    Thanks Underdog!
     
  18. BanquosGhost

    BanquosGhost Member

    +1 / ^ / This
     
  19. Bastian

    Bastian counting...

    I'm so lucky I've found this. Thanks Underdog!
     
  20. GizZy

    GizZy Want my boner back!

    uh didn't know that. well then thanks even more for all the information and a forum to share experience the underdog!
     

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