The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by TheUnderdog, Jan 7, 2013.

  1. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Marniaaaaaaaa!!! My angel!!!

    Big hug to you as well :)

    Thanks brah!

    I do hope it can help as many people as possible.
     
  2. Florian B.

    Florian B. New Member

    The text is very good and people starting with their reboot should read it. Cause once in a while they while come to these points.


    Mistake #1: Using Porn to Stop Feeling Bad

    This is so true. You make porn and masturbation a habit of getting past your frustration. This works for the moment but is awful for the long way. It's much better to accept and learn that life brings you down once in a while. No matter what, no matter who you are. But just the other way around it can bring you up at least as often as it brings you down. And if you learn to accept the down times without porn, it will make your life much happier. Cause using porn as frust killer is the same thing as taking alcohol for it - in the end it will make you an addict, a junkie. And surely nobody wants to end like this!


    Mistake #2: Being Hard On Yourself Every Time You Relapse

    Yes, it is always bad to punish your self for being weak, as long as getting weak is not on a regular base. We are humans, so we are weak. Some more, some less. But to fail is naturally. The thing is to stand up and make the next time without P, M and/or O longer than the last one. This will make you a winner.

    I would also go a bit further and start with a double award strategy. Do something good for yourself. At first after 1 week, then after 2 weeks, next after 4 weeks, then after 8 weeks and so on. Make the award each time a bit better. Maybe start with a nice evening at a cinema. As next award have a great meal with your woman or with a good friend, then maybe go to a concert you always wanted to go and after 32 weeks you can maybe go on a journey you always wanted to go on. This will not only give you a good time but will also make you think more about rewards than about punishment. It's positive thinking, which is one fo the greatest forces on your side!


    Mistake #3: Focusing Too Much On NOT Watching Porn

    Exactly! If you think about something all the time, it is with you all the time. Stop worrying about porn. Just don't mind it. If it pops up somewhere around you, notice it and then go on. But don't try to keep going on with "I should not...", cause our brain doesn't understand negating phrases. It just misses the negating word and brings to your mind what you wanted to avoid. You doubt this? Okay, then please DO NOT THINK about a PURPLE COW now. Let me guess - you were thinking about a purple cow, weren't you?

    So rather than worrying about porn, learn not to care about it. If you don't give it too much room in your head, it will go away naturally. At least that's what I've seen in my rebooting so far. I just don't care about it too much anymore. I see it, I notice it, but do not much care about it. I for sure do not feel the need to drop my pants and get tissues any longer when I see it.
     
  3. AlexP11

    AlexP11 New Member

    Awesome post, as someone who has relapsed time and time again i can relate myself with all 3 mistakes, i wished i could have read this earlier...you should really make a sticky out of this and an introduction to this forum to all the new members who want to quit porn...
     
  4. Yuuichi

    Yuuichi New Member

    Though i've been trying to quit for almost 3 years now, some of this was new to me. Thank you
     
  5. Reginald

    Reginald 34y/o____________ STICK 2 THE SCRIPT

    (Day 43)
    I'm confused about this.
    My understanding is that a Reboot involves an internal physiological process, what with neural pathways dying, D2 receptors upregulating, Delta FosB clearing out, etc. So a once-a-week PMO user/addict would be keeping himself strung out, forever, rather than entering a full withdrawal and healing, no?
     
  6. Neuroplastic

    Neuroplastic "If it's to be, it's up to me" Joe Girard

    Great post. Thanks a lot Underdog.
    Re-polishing the wheel is always better than re-inventing the wheel.

    Stay Strong
    N
     
  7. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Everyone should strive to go as long as they can without porn.

    It is known that complete abstinence for 3+ months is ideal for recovery.

    But the benefits and symptoms vary so much from person to person. Some require a lot of time to recover, others can do it in less time.

    When I got rid of porn induced ED I was still relapsing to porn about 3 times per month. The key to my healing was to not go crazy with binging. I would try to get back on track as soon as possible. This allowed my brain to recover. Slowly, but steady.

    I used to believe that I would never get rid of porn induced ED unless I went 100 days of complete abstinence. I was wrong.

    In any case, what I'm trying to say is that once you stop beating yourself up every time you relapse, you will actually start to relapse less.

    Please do not misinterpret my post.

    Everyone should aim to quit porn for the rest of their lives.
     
  8. J.P.

    J.P. Active Member

    Both posts made me laugh my balls off. Thanks for that RedPill
     
  9. Axler

    Axler Live now, there is no future or a past..

    Great post.! Im also a big buddha fan.! Meditate daily and read a lot about the buddhist approach on life..

    Also a big help is to replace every pornthought with a positive thought. And not just a positive thought but a really thought about something that brings you great inner joy..

    If you try to do this automaticly it becoms like a naturel respons. This will also help to reprogram you're mindset to a more positive attitude...!

    Grtz Axler
     
  10. ghostrider

    ghostrider Member

    Great Post Underdog.

    Mistake 1 was me for years without ever knowing what I was doing to myself ie making life worst than it actually was.

    I'm certain that I've beaten porn, but not ED. Far from it. Not knowing all your history,how long did it take you before you got over ED? Could do with some insight. I'm struggling to see any end to ED at the moment.
     
  11. himself64

    himself64 New Member

    That was a very good read, I know I have only just started off here but I can understand how these points can make a different. I have seen myself with #1 when I'm feeling down or bored, and as for #3 I am trying to push the whole no P and MO to the back of my mind and just get on with it.

    I can agree with what Underdog posted in reply, and I sorta imagine it as if you were cutting across your lawn to get to and from your front door everyday, instead of using the path. By doing this day in day out the grass will start to die and leave a dirt track across your lovely lawn.
    You have now realised this by coming to this site and trying to stop walking across the grass, and you manage to use the path for a few weeks. Then one day for whatever reason you return to your old ways for a day, but you realise afterwards that you have done this. But when you look back at the lawn the grass has already started to regrow and you can't see the dirt as much as before, your "relapse" of walking over the grass hasn't helped the regrowing process but it also hasn't caused it to return to a dirt track. As long as you don't repeat this regularly and leave more time between them the grass will have regrown and your lawn will look beautiful again. At least this is what I'm thinking.
     
  12. RedPill

    RedPill Back to Reality...

    80 days of no porn is great, but how frequently have you MO'ed during this time? Your counter says 6 days ago was your last. It's tough to accept, but the orgasm reboot is not a viable cure for ED. To cure ED, you need to not touch the trousersnake... EVER. Starve it of sensation, until it has become re-sensitized to human contact. This is vital for me also. There was a good success story posted on YBOP about this very point. Wish I had the link.
     
  13. RedPill

    RedPill Back to Reality...

  14. ghostrider

    ghostrider Member

    Thanks Redpill. I've MO'd once in those 80 days although, towards that point I did touch and fantasise. Not about any porn scenes though. I've listened to Gabes interview a couple of times. It's inspiring for sure. Really pissed at myself for that MO as I too don't see the oragasm reboot as a viable cure for ED either, particularly for the severe variety.
     
  15. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    That's the most effective strategy.

    But it doesn't mean that if someone masturbates at day 36 then all his progress regarding ED is gone. Or that in order to cure ED everyone must absolutely have to go weeks of complete abstinence.

    It varies a lot from person to person.

    And having sex is the only way to know if you're cured or not.

    There are a lot of people who think they're not cured just because they don't have spontaneous erections or frequent morning woods. I don't understand. How do they know that they won't be able to get it up when making out with a naked woman?

    Just because you feel your dick is dead now doesn't mean it will be dead when you have a pair of tits rubbing in your face.
     
  16. unscarred

    unscarred Guest

    Lol! This is really true. When I was coming out of my last long reboot I would have ZERO desire for sex but if stimulated I would get a harder erection than I ever have before even though my brain was barely stimulated at all...it was a bizarre feeling.
     
  17. ghostrider

    ghostrider Member

    i don't know Underdog, I'm old enough to remember getting hard making out or even just dancing with a girl before I got this damn laptop and PMO stepped up a notch. I've made out with a couple of girls since starting the reboot and nothing happens. It sucks.
     
  18. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    But you're talking about being 100% cured. Morning woods everyday, spontaneous erections at random situations, getting hard by just dancing or holding hands.

    My point is that you don't need to be THAT cured in order to have long lasting erections during sex.

    Don't wait until you get hard by making out before attempting to have sex. 80 days without porn is a lot. You might be surprised.

    Trust me. I've done so much testing with prostitutes it's not even funny. There were times when we were making out and touching each other all over but my dick didn't respond until we actually got our clothes off and laid down on bed. And then it stayed hard for the whole act without any problem.

    Your brain knows when it's time for sex and it sends signals to your dick.
     
  19. TheUknown

    TheUknown Gonna Quit Fapping And Porn For forever now.

    I'm feeling like shit today. Thank's this post really helped. I'm truly grateful.
     
  20. atl6245

    atl6245 New Member

    Awesome Underdog. You need to add #4- Thinking you can beat this addictive behavior on your own.

    The counselor I have gone to for years has a lot of experience with porn addicts and he said that very few people kick this by shear willpower on their own. You need a supportive friend or counselor to help you along.
     

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