All of us on here have dealt with fantasy, and most of us rather poorly at that. My manufactured internal world began when I was about 8, and as I've mentioned here, it was all in an effort to escape the nasty noise that my quarrelling parents were stirring up. Too young, and too much of a coward back then to do anything about it, I decided to write my own happy story. Too bad that those skills were exploited post-puberty, to create a Playboy World, that I so deftly moved through. When thwarted in my attempts to get the girl, I used the tried-and-true, with the bonus of having an intense orgasm to finish it off. At least I slept well. I am not convinced that some level of fantasy construction is harmful. Imagining what-if scenarios has led me to success in downhill ski racing, running, corporate management, and especially with my teaching. Imagination is a good thing, obsession, not so much. It's the internal mind's equivalent of following only the news media that makes you feel good: you'll eventually sell yourself a bill of goods, that ain't gonna be worth nothin'! This past week, I've been crazy busy. My freelance film work took up three very long days, while my teaching continued on at its normal pace, and my Mom's situation called for more of my time than ever. By Friday, I was exhausted, and that's when my good friend texted me that he was "going solo" for the weekend (this is the guy who I have concluded to be a heavy consumer of, and masturbator to, Tumblr pornography, as he does talk about it a lot). He tried to suck me in one more time to a race which I am physically unable to do, that would take up time that I do not have, so I said no thanks. On Saturday, the texts and FB messages were getting out of control, as two of our lady runner friends were joining him, and trying to recruit others from our group. I turned my phone off by lunchtime, and focused on the work at hand. Sunday, I actually had some time to myself. Got in a great long run with a good friend, who is also one of my mom's physio guys, and shared some coffee with a small bunch of our run group. The rest of the day, I got a lot of tasks done around the house, and my wife & family were ready to sit down to our first meal all together, in weeks. That's when my phone and FB messages started going off again. He was trying to talk me in to coming over for craft beers, and "rescue" him from the two previously mentioned runner women. Then one of them started messaging me, to the point where I shut my phone off for the night, before 6pm. Last night, we all ran together. The three of them were pretty hungover, and seemed quite pleased with themselves about their escapades at the race, and later at his place. I'm certain that nothing extramarital happened, and that it would have been a good time, but also that the three of them put themselves in a situation that could have gone very bad; much the way a recovering alcoholic has to negotiate the lunch meeting where everyone else is drinking. The 25 year old me, hell the 45 year old me, would have dreamed this scene all the way through, right down to the inevitable pseudo porn plot involving hot tubs, drinks, poor decisions, and a suspension of belief of what my anatomy was truly capable of. Watching them interact about what actually went on was a bit of a lesson for me too, as they seemed to want us all to think what could have happened, may have happened. Some people at our table last night looked sad for not being invited over, and I could see the three of them drinking that in. As for me, joining this trio was a non-starter from the get go. A bunch of married people, away from their spouses, proving to each other, themselves, and the world how "adult" they all are. Maybe that's true, maybe it's not. Frankly, I was not in the mood for a test, not even a little pop quiz. Here in the less exciting story line of reality, I have commitments I've made, and I have in the past had to learn the risks, and consequences involved in pushing their boundaries (here's a hint: it never goes well). This right here, right now, is the world I'm striving live in.