The Rogues' Gallery [GROUP]

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Pedigree, Jun 17, 2013.

  1. Sammy3000

    Sammy3000 We are no longer the hollow men

    That's a good goal man. I would recommend reading The Willpower Instinct. Has a lot of great stuff in it. It's certainly helped me become more aware of why I'm feeling certain things at certain times. Like my brain says "man I really could use a 5,000 calorie milkshake right now" then I'm able to stop and go "wait is this because I'm feeling exhausted and dehydrated?" And by noticing the issue at hand you're able to get a better grip on the situation.

    We're here for you Truett!
  2. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I have a question.

    Rewiring is all about changing the twisted sexuality of porn to a healthy, natural one, right? You do this by cutting off PMO to detox from the addiction and then you relearn sexuality with real women.

    But how do you do that if you don't have a partner and can't seem to find one? You cut off the porn, and then there's that terrible void, one that makes you feel completely lost and asexual. That's when everything in life seems gray and boring, and you feel like something is amiss.

    So how do you do that? How do you transform your sexuality without a woman? You just keep beating the dead horse, dwelling into the void until you either relapse or get lucky or hire a hooker? Now that doesn't suck at all.

    I became addicted to porn for a reason: because I felt inadequate for women and unable to have a love/sex life. I've improved a little on that matter, but it hasn't really changed. Therapy didn't worked.

    I've stumbled upon this issue on every new attempt to remove porn from my life. I remove it, but then there is nothing. There is the void. I get stuck between porn and abstinence because I feel unable to have sex. I barely know any women with whom I can try it in the first place.

    Anyway, that's it. Any insights are welcome (except "approach women, be more social, etc", those are not welcome).
  3. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    I gotta say that getting attention from women, flirting with them, busting their balls, them showing that they're attracted to you is a great way to rewire.

    Since I got here, I've been getting that and I've had a few occasions where when I MO, I've thought about real girls who's shown attention to me. When I fantasize, it's of very clear images of real girls. More importantly, when I do peek at porn, it doesn't appeal to me.
  4. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    This is a core issue a lot of rebooters face and frankly it's overlooked way too often.

    When most people think of a "successful" rebooter, JtF and Laurynas come to mind. The reason for that? They were banging girls left and right. (Supposedly). It's absolutely no coincidence that the 2 superstar rebooters were in fact two guys that also got a lot of random pus-say.

    Those two quit porn and masturbation with relative ease. Not because they didn't want to PMO, but because they didn't care to. Recovery workshops and self-help books and daily affirmations are nice, but here's the real secret to stopping masturbation. Find a girl that will do it for you.

    So Cid, yes, you hit on a very important point. I have a strong feeling that my foray into sexting, massage parlors, strip clubs etc. since rebooting --- it's all rooted in the same need. They are NOT a "porn replacement". It's wayyy more complicated than that. They give me a feeling of self-worth. That some girl, somewhere is having a pleasurable experience with me. And isn't that why mankind exists in the first place? Pleasure and procreation?

    Porn's kryptonite isn't abstinence. It's companionship.
  5. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Thanks, Sammy3000! Also for the tip. I've got a copy of the book on my computer, it will doubtless helm me to relate to my urges in a better way.

    As for girls, I think one has to put careful consideration into what he does in this field. There's a great difference whose case we're talking about. Banging girls right and left wouldn't work for me. I don't claim to be a porn addict, but a sex addict. So if I would drop PMO and just started having sex for the hell of it (and I can't control myself when an opportunity arrives, which is to say that my standards are nonexistent when I feel the need to act out), then I'm just quitting cocaine with the help of heroin. And I don't even think that would help, as it would leave much room for PMO-time, and if I'd feed the addiction like that, my cravings for PMO would only be harder to resist. Sex addicts get pussy right and left, because they find the ways to do so. Any man can, it's simple. But after the initial enthusiasm and wonder fade, the addict will most of the time encounter a terrible emptiness, which no amount of sex, as much as they try, can fill.

    What could help would be A girl instead of many, to whom I'd have feelings for. I like to think that I could use that as motivation, as loneliness is a big trigger for me. However, based on the last months I don't know, I could very well succumb to PMO'ing on the side. They recommend total abstinence for at least a few months for the first-line treatment for sex addiction. In my opinion, it's better to do that, then get a girlfriend, instead of quitting a PMO and immediately starting to rewire with a girl.

    They also say an addict should be sober for one year before dating, and I can see the wisdom in that. After the first six months or so of recovery the rebooter is just processing the things that led him to the addiction in the first place. He is fragile at this point. Dating is stressful. The rejection and frustrations of it might lead to a relapse.
  6. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Side note: TruettW, I love your avatar. Where is it from?
  7. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    It's from a Japanese series of manga, TV-cartoons, and animated movies, called Lupin the Third. The guy in my avatar is one of the four leading characters. His name is Jigen Daisuke, and he's like a force of nature with his magnum revolver. :)

    I see that there are Lupin movies on Youtube. I personally prefer to watch them with the original Japanese voices and English subtitles, but you can get a sense of what the series is all about from this. If you skip around looking for the good parts, don't get flashbacks of P-use! :)
  8. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Looks like I killed this group... :)

    How's everybody doing? I'm finishing up day 4. Made it to ten days before this reboot, and had already broken out of the initial withdrawal, I was flatlining, everything looking better than it had in months... and I guess that was too much for me, because I relapsed. But I've got more motivation than I have in a while. And I've got a got feeling. I don't know if I'll make it with this reboot, I don't want to embarrass myself with giving such promises (as I had good motivation many times during the summer only to see it go up in flames), but I will promise that I'll reboot again and again until I succeed.
  9. Sammy3000

    Sammy3000 We are no longer the hollow men

    I've never watched the anime but I have heard of it and I know it was based on a literary Lupin which I feel adds it more credibility.

    You didn't kill this group mate. In my case I've been busier than a... something that's really busy.

    If this journey was defeated solely with motivation many of us would be out of here by now. Motivation waxes and wanes. The important part is getting to those moments of challenge and having the determination to go through it even if you have shit for motivation. Are you going to put up a counter again?
  10. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Arsene Lupin is a thief in French crime novels, and the Lupin from the anime is supposedly his grandson. The anime is usually pretty slapstick, sometimes bordering on the serious.

    You are right, motivation fluctuates. The idea of rebooting has to be stamped on the brain as if branded with a hot iron, so that in those critical moments one REMEMBERS the consequences of his actions.

    I've never actually used a counter. I post usually daily in my journal and always mention the day I'm on (this evening I will have completed 7 days). I do it this way because if I relapse, the counter must be reset, and I can no longer go back into my journal and read how I was feeling around a particular time.
  11. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Counters are double-edged knifes. They can be very helpful but also very harmful when you relapse and have to reset it.
  12. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Talking of relapsing, I'm on day 1 again. :mad: The last reboot was 15 days, the one before 10. I hope I can go beyond fifteen with this one. Go fast, days!
  13. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    So am I after 31 and then 10 days.
  14. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Getting stronger urges. This is day 12. How's everybody doing?
  15. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    Going for day 12 and also having some persistant urges :v
  16. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    I was actually talking to Pedigree about PMO recovery this morning. The last two months or so my P reboot has been going pretty smooth.

    Whereas in the past, I always had to feel like I was on the defensive, and it was a constant battle not to give into urges. Lately I feel like, "OK brain - just don't do anything stupid and we'll be fine".

    Knowing that I have an infinite amount of hardcore porn at my fingertips, but have chose not to indulge in it in over 150 days is a nice feeling.
  17. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Two weeks done. When I last posted, I was really shaky, but I withheld, and the urges went away.

    tsmith1302, you're putting on a good show!
  18. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    I binged like a lab rat 2 days ago but I'm already back on track.
  19. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    17 days. It's a waiting game.
  20. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Well, I've found it's a waiting game if you're not busy. I think one of the main keys to healing is simply being productive. The more we sit around thinking about our addiction, the more power we give it.

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