The Rogues' Gallery [GROUP]

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Pedigree, Jun 17, 2013.

  1. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    I hereby announce the formation of the Rogues' Gallery. So far the membership consists of:

    1. Pedigree
    2. tsmith1302
    3. DancerMan
    4. gameover
    5. CidGuerreiro
    6. Sammy3000
    7. furor germanicus
    8. pohsenil
    9. TruettW
    10. Chammorrow

    We have a vacancy with CleanHands' departure from the forums.
  2. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Current reboot situation:
    I just got out of an 86 day run. It's my best run ever since I started rebooting.

    In terms of where I am at the reboot I can say the following:
    -Motivation: One year on or thereabouts since I joined the forum, my motivation's at 6/10. I find that I've still got it within me to go on long runs without porn but I MO a lot. So motivation-wise, I've got what it takes for the quantity but probably not so much with the quality.

    -How far away am I from being rebooted?: Tricky question. I can say I'm most of the way there. During the 86 day run, there were a lot of times where porn simply was not an option. I feel that mentally, I've got the addiction cornered but in saying that, I'm facing a lot of resistance from within because things are not as easy as when I joined the forum a year ago.

    -Non-reboot "reboot": Most of the work I do actually has nothing to do with staying away from porn and everything to do with exploring why I got to porn in the first place. Mentally and psychologically, I've developed a lot in the last 12 months. I'm unemployed so I used this time as a period of exile to catch up on the mental development that had been neglected in the years that I spent watching porn. Still got a lot to go.
  3. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Current reboot situation:

    Went 160 days no porn, and between days 100 to 160 went 60 days no porn, masturbation or orgasm.

    Trying to rebuild my streak. Had a WD on day 60 (~3-4 weeks ago), Got massive chaser, Went to a hooker had bad ED, Masturbated 2-3 times, Watches porn 5-6 times for 10-15 minutes per time, Did have some semi successful sex with a girl i met online after the relapses (do not find her attractive at all, pretty fat, shit personality etc) but lost my erection after 2-3 minutes of sex and i was only 90% hard to start with. I can get fully hard on my own, from both thoughts during mornings/nights/very aroused and stimulation.

    Previous to rebooting:

    Was a virgin, Failed having sex a few times when i was drunk (completely flaccid with girls), Watched fetish porn mainly for the last 2-3 years, masturbated with 80% erections, Never had a gf (still haven't) etc etc pretty standard stuff for a lot of guys on here.

    How far away am I from being rebooted:

    Probably another 3-6+ months of staying away from porn plus an unknown amount of time rewiring and taking things slow.


    - Cure my ED and have healthy erections
    - Have a normal sex life in or outside of a relationship whatever the situation may be
    - Lose performance anxiety
    - Become more comfortable with women
    - Try and become more energetic
    - Lose my compulsion to view porn/stimulating pictures and videos
    - Free myself from masturbation
    - Generally more positive attitude, happier, less negativity

    I am fairly sure not everything will be ticked off by completing a reboot and continuing on with it as i had problems with women/anxiety/happiness before i knew i had ED and before porn become a daily or weekly habit.
  4. Sammy3000

    Sammy3000 We are no longer the hollow men

    Current Reboot Situation:
    95 days since I PMO'd. MO'd 5 and 21 days in. Peaked at P for several minutes 32 days in. Had successful sex 45 days in(nearly full erection and satisfying duration). Seem to get random fully hard erections when brain is about to fall asleep. Two night emissions in a row last week. Haven't tested myself to see where I'm at in the recovery.

    Previous to rebooting:
    Had several gfs. Things never escalated because I kept self-sabotaging to break things off before I got too attached. Spiraled into PMO because it was safer than being rejected/abandoned. Out of nowhere met a pretty awesome gal. Had about 90 days no porn. Turns out she was insane, things went really bad and I gradually reintroduced PMO.

    How far away am I from being rebooted:
    I have no idea. Not really relying on numbers because everyone is different and after a 10+ year habit my body and mind probably need some time to readjust.

    -Become young me again (more energetic, charming, charismatic, devil may care attitude)
    -Be in the now (forget about the past, don't create possible scenarios in the future. This should take care of a whole lot of stress and anxiety)
    -Reduce, then eliminate, my tendency to replace addictive behaviours with other such behaviours. This includes becoming too strongly emotionally attached/become dependent on social interaction with others for dopamine rush
    -Keep a steady regiment of exercise for the body, mind and soul. I've been hitting the gym consistently and start with a trainer tomorrow but I really dropped the ball on meditation for several weeks now
    -GET MORE SLEEP SO I DON'T RELY ON CAFFEINE to stay awake through work(doesn't help that I'm most productive at night and a nightowl)
  5. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    So I guess CleanHands and the Heartbreakers was taken? ;D

    Current Reboot Situation:
    I'm at 54 Days No PMO, which is only a few days shy of my personal record. While I am proud of this, my rebooting tends to be sloppy, with much peeking, fantasizing and masturbating. For me a reset is when I masturbate to any visual stimulation. I could peek, fantasize, or masturbate ten times in a row and that would not be a reset - as long as these said behaviors are isolated. Although I don't love my approach, it's easy and seems to prevent crashing and burning.

    Previous to rebooting:
    Some hook-ups in college, that's it. I was a virgin until 26, when I slept with an old friend from school and got laid (that was on Day 41 of my first reboot). Had a hook-up recently with an older girl I met online that went well. I visit either the strip club or massage parlor once a month for "maintenance" if you catch my drift. The closest thing I've had to a girlfriend was a mutual attraction with a girl when I was a freshman in colleege. We were emotionally involved for about 6 months, though all we did was kiss. She was a mess at the time and I wasn't much better.

    How far away am I from being rebooted:
    No ED symptoms, though there is no indication I ever had any. As far as the instant gratification mindset and succumbing to the stimulating nature of pornography, I'd say I've made fair progress but have a long ways to go.

    Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Sooner than later, preferably within in the next year or two, I want to have a serious relationship and/ or satisfying sex on a regular basis.
  6. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

    Coolest group in here, so I'm #in. 8)

    Current Reboot Situation:

    I'm currently at Day 16 of no MO, although I had a 21 days streak before. So this is my 37th day without watching porn. Not to PMO isn't this hard anymore. But avoiding orgasm is getting harder and harder. My situation is improving, I can see progress in many aspects of my life. I would say that I am "half-flatlined" at the moment. I can get aroused by women and get erections, although I don't really have the desire to have intercourse with them. So my penis isn't "dead". I guess I'm just too focused on my goal not to O for 90 days. Penis and testicles look healthier now. Erections got more intensively.

    Before rebooting:

    Never had a girlfriend. Had sex for one time in my life. I could stay "hard" (around 70-80%), so it was quite enough to penetrate but not good of course. Sex lasted for 45 minutes. ::) Nowadays, ED got worse. Can't remember the last 100% erection. I watched porn on almost a daily basis, although there were days or even a couple of days where I masturbated to fantasies only. But both porn and fantasies could only get me 70-80% erections. Suffice to say that I masturbated at least five times a day. Sometimes double-digit. Started at age 11. I'm a 22 y/o student. People always say that my life couldn't be any better and that I've got everything a young guy should have. Well, obviously this isn't true. At least, I don't feel so. Generally said, I'm frustrated about life.

    90 days of no P, no M and no O. If I get the chance to have sex, I'd use it. Why am I doing all this stuff? For the health. I want to get hard erections. Also, I need a boost in terms of my self-esteem. I think there's no harder challenge in this world than this one here. I want to prove to myself that I'm able to do it. I want to get looser in social-situations, with both guys and girls. I don't have to be alpha as fuark, but I'd like to be a guy who's respected (not by everyone though..). Next big issue that has to be solved is procrastination. I think that PMO made its contribution to that.

    All in all, I'm excited about the next 74 days. I'm curious about the progress and improvements, which will happen. I'm confident enough to say that I will reach the goal. There's no way that I fail. And with the support of both this group and forum, I'll make it even easier. 8)

    Have a nice day, guys.
  7. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    What aspect are you most frustrated with?
  8. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: The Rogues' Gallery [GROUP] 3 spots left

    Cham sent me a PM that he was down.
  9. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

    That's not easy to answer, man. I think it's the feeling of not making any progress. Seen in an objective way, my studies, my sports, my health, the PMO-stuff and so on do progress. But my mind just doesn't appreciate it. If I had to say exactly what I'm frustrated with: being a slave. A slave of the own mind. I just cannot break out of the cycle and that is the worst of all.

    Always trying to improve some aspect of your personality, always these attempts to grow, always finding something that could be better.. That causes a kind of paranoia. About three years ago, I started to learn about NLP, I read about Tony Robbins, bought literature about any kind of personal development.. I was a gobbler of books. Make no mistake about it - actually that's not the worst thing you can do with your leisure. However, it can make yourself feel like a piece of crap. Paradoxically, the things I mentioned are supposed to help you, not make things worse, lol.

    All that is a downward spiral.

    Nothing has value, unless you are not happy.
  10. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: The Rogues' Gallery [GROUP] 3 spots left

    I was on these mood stabilizers at one point, and I couldn't O. Well I felt an orgasm but couldn't ejaculate. It was very bizarre. What a fucking shame that prescription meds were nearly the direct cause of your P addiction.

    Are you still on any scripts? I avoid them like the plague. Only natural supplements for me now.

    And congratulations on your new job by the way!
  11. furor germanicus

    furor germanicus New Member

    Re: The Rogues' Gallery [GROUP] 3 spots left

    Same here. No medicine for me anymore. As a juvenile, doctors pumped me so full of chemical shit that I don't want to take that stuff in my adulthood. Except some serious operations or so.. I'd like to get 100 years old.. :D
  12. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Member

    Good luck lads!
  13. pohsenil

    pohsenil Member

    Current Reboot Situation:
    I have been rebooting for a long time. Started my first reboot in early 2012. I had a long and hard struggle to get rid of porn thoughts that reminded me of the old destructive clips I used to watch each night and made me relapse over and over again. After 153 days of not PMOing I can say that I've nearly accomplished that goal, but need to stay aware.
    My current reboot has started about 9 months ago and currently I managed to do 120 MO-free day. Though that is a long time (much longer than I hoped for a year ago), physically I'm not where I'd like to be right now. During bowel movement I still have semen leakage even though it has become less. The last couple of days my balls and groin area has been aching again. My libido is very low, my morning wood is there, but not frequent. I don't have any kind of spontaneous erections or erections through thoughts.

    Before rebooting:
    I was into fetish/femdom porn. Only had one serious girlfriend. I wasn't able to have sex with her even though she was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met. Even when I was with her I wasn't horny. Whenever there was a girl hitting on me (didn't happen often ;) ) I just thought "Come on, leave me alone. I'm not interested." I couldn't explain why until I saw a TV documentary on porn addiction to understand what was going on.
    Until about 3 years ago I was an awkward and shy guy who mumbled and didn't have a lot of friends. Through the support of good friends and a positive attitude I managed to change myself into a man I'm happy to be. I did so despite my porn addiction. Now I need to get the guy I personify and the guy who fears sex and intimacy in sync.

    How far I am from being rebooted:
    I think that I don't need to go for much longer until my physical issues will no longer be the reason to avoid a girlfriend or sex. In fact in think that the lack of physical intimacy during my reboot is one of the reasons why my libido is still asleep. As soon as I feel confident to try out sex I need to find a girlfriend. It's hard for me to decide when it's the right time to try to find one. (Then obviously the next problem will be to find a girl that's willing to put up with me :D )

    - Cut out the porn peeks
    - Bring more organization into my life
    - Ease up about sex and learn to control my (performance) anxieties
    - Find a girlfriend
    => Have sex/lose virginity
  14. pohsenil

    pohsenil Member

    Re: The Rogues' Gallery [GROUP] 3 spots left

    Wow, brave move and well done!!! I'm pretty sure that I would've been put on antidepressants as a teenager as well, if I went to a doctor at that time.
  15. Sammy3000

    Sammy3000 We are no longer the hollow men

    I believe I have found myself in a similar situation. Since beginning this journey I have found a new job, made new friends, taught myself, joined a gym, and learned a great amount from others(this board included). Yet...

    I would not say I am a slave of my mind. My mind is my own. My counter can attest to that.
    However, I am a slave to my brain.
    The fact that I find my body and brain, reenacting or continuing scenarios from my past,
    with women in my present,
    and my mind is entirely lucid and aware as it is happening
    but is unable to interrupt or desist the action...
    This is terrifying.

    For me it is not a matter of willpower. Hell I said no to a beautiful young woman who asked me to ravish her because I realised she wanted it for the wrong reasons. Before this journey I would've never been able to say no. (She gained greater respect and trust for me because of my decision. Apparently I was the first man to say no to her.) It is not a matter of growth either. Learning more, advancing my skills, constantly finding out there is something new out there to absorb makes me excited. My hunger for knowledge is never ended only sated.

    Perhaps it is a fear of stagnation. That in that moment the stubborn body will take over again. Because this body and this brain are stubborn.
    Perhaps not also.

    Thoughts gentlemen?
  16. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    I get that fear as well. Especially now that I'm going through another rough patch.

    I always look back and see where I am 6 months ago, 12 months ago, etc. and compare it to where I am now. Usually, the fear settles down because I have made a progress. People get hung up on relapses but look at it from your brain's POV: it's a bloody porn drought up there!
  17. pohsenil

    pohsenil Member

    I think that fear is something most rebooters have in common. I often thought of how far I "should have come" after so many days of no PMO/MO and got disappointed, because reality can hardly meet my expectations. In the beginning I set myself goals like: by day X you need to have kissed a girl, by day Y you need to have tried to have sex - these kinds of goals are bullshit. I've come to realize that the number of days doesn't mean anything and you just need to let yourself go with the flow. Pressure is not helping at all - and at least for my fear is a result of the pressure I still lay upon me. I want to be "functioning" so badly that it's hard to relax and let things happen.
  18. tsmith1302

    tsmith1302 Active Member

    Re: The Rogues' Gallery [GROUP] 3 spots left

    I was!! The asshole put me on Paxil, the same drug that was part of the biggest pharmaceutical settlement in history, for being illegally marketed to teenagers.

    I don't trust doctors. They are so quick to take out their prescription pad, instead of addressing what is at the root of the problem.
  19. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    Any of you guys doing the Recovery Nation program that's been recommended by Underdog?
  20. pohsenil

    pohsenil Member

    Thought about it, but didn't find the time to go through the goals of the program. But at first sight it looks interesting. I'll have to take a deeper look to make a decision. I'm quite sure that it would be beneficial though I think that I've already past some of the lessons...

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