The Road to Master

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Deleted User, Jun 26, 2021.

  1. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    "It's not the destination, it's the journey"

    Hi everyone. New here, and claiming this little post as my own basecamp. You are all free to join and exchange words, thoughts and those precious supplies that will only help us get there.

    I'm a 35 year old male, and I am addicted to Porn. I have been tempted to write "was" instead of "am" but the journey will be long and difficult, so let's not cloud the issue here. In a few hours I will officialy start my 2nd day without PM(O). The O I still allow as I am married and don't plan to go monk mode or other modes that avoid sexual relations. And that's another problem too, as I have to reboot the whole process of "sex" and get attracted again, without thinking about another woman during the act.

    Yesterday being the start of day 1 during midday, my brain and myself have a lot of work ahead. From signals to to touch myself, even while not watching anything arousal at all ... it all starts there.

    R.E.W.I.R.I.N.G!

    It wouldn't be so hard I guess if PMO was the only issue here. But it's the first I have to tackle and hopefuly during the process I will be able to tackle other issues (health in general : diet, stamina), confidence, procastination, etc ...

    Let's get the counter up (I like the stats, dopamine much?), and take it one day at a time, treating it like every day is the first day. This will be my main objective for a while since I don't really have other objectives at the moment, but this will have to change too.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 26, 2021
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  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Checking in for today. Yesterday was hard. From the triggers to the urges, but I resisted (and no, resistance isn't futile, don't listen to the Borgs in our heads ^^).

    I have so much to focus on, but one thing at a time. I went to sleep later than usual, resulting in sleeping in. My body hates it. I also am tempted to reward myself by being on the right track by eating something sweet, but I fear it would do more harm than good in the long term and become a vicious circle. But I'm probably overthinking, like usual. I am an overthinker.

    Today I won't be alone as I will have my mom in the house and spend some time with the family, which is great. I am like a wolf, I can be in a pack, but also like being a lone wolf. Though for now, I'm more than ok being surrounded by people, because I won't have triggers or urges being around family.

    I will also have a month off work very soon, I will have to plan this carefully as this could be a double edge sword in my fight against this evil addiction.

    Stay strong!! ;)
     
  3. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    I can't believe it has been 4 days already. Yesterday and today were a bit easier than Saturday. Yesterday due to the fact that I wasn't alone at home most of the day and then a bit busy. But today is more surprising due to the fact that I had/have (it's not gone yet, but I'm resisting) the habit to start a session of PMO in the middle of work (at home, I feel the need to specify this :D). But today I didn't.

    Though I have somme attention issues. I might have attention deficit disorder (ADD) because I can't always focus on one task at a time. This hurts productivity a lot. But for now, not jacking off to porn feels very productive.

    One step at a time.
     
  4. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    Nice to read you’re progress @NotaJediYet! Attention isseus maybe the addiction is playing tricks on you!

    Be strong!
     
  5. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Thanks Babylonier. The addiction is certainly playing tricks on me. While I resist the urges to open the browser and go on the "no no" websites, my brain replaces the visual stuff by imagining stuff. And I have a damn good memory ...

    Wish a M.I.B could use the Neuralyzer on me to make me forget all this nasty stuff. The brain mixes it up and the result isn't pretty.

    But still going fine. I am probably lucky as I don't have ED or other issues and that I can still have sexual relationships with my wife. The Porn made me long for more than the classic stuff, rebooting is hard. But well worth it :)
     
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  6. TryGuy65

    TryGuy65 Active Member

    Good on you for working to get it (porn) under control now. I wish I knew how fucked up my life would be @64 when I was 35... And yes, we in the 'old-folks' home still enjoy sex. Or have the desire to enjoy it anyway:rolleyes:
     
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  7. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Thanks! And there's no age for regret ... ;)


    7 days in. This counter helps me keep the motivation. But what really keeps the motivation up is my wife's reaction (she doesn't know about the addiction and I'm not the revealing type) during the last intercourse. Well let's say she didn't recongnize me, and that's positive =)

    Let's go!!
     
  8. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    3 days since the last post, and double digits are showing on the counter with 10 days Without P/M.

    I'm really proud of myself for achieving the 10 days. Next week the wife will be home all week, which means I will abe able to add 7 days to it quite easily.

    The urges are still there sometimes, when trigerred by images (damn internet and their "clickbait" stuff). But resisting the urges.

    I find myself feeling more happy, more pleasant to be around, more patient. It's a start to something good, but the road to master (the addiction(s)) is quite long and it's only the beginning.
     
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  9. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Hi, im new too, this is my first time too...hope we can talk about this and heal with other brothers. Write if you want...this is for all of you...i need to talk about this
     
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  10. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Lets go!!! Im on it too....im learning about triggers that starts PMO...aavoid boring, and negative emotions. Have a ice day to all
     
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  11. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Welcome Sebs. Thanks for the boost ;)

    Indeed, boredom and negative emotions lead to PMO.

    Since the wife is home this week, I can't do that. What do I do instead when I am horny? I tell the wife to get ready. Looks like a normal situation, but it wasn't like that when I was watching Porn daily before. I was more attracted to the pixels of those other girls than to my own wife. But what better way to stop the urges by orgasming without the P and M ;)
     
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  12. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Last night make love with my wife and i didnt feel very horny...but i try to concentrate in what we are doing and not the images that my brain comes out...

    So i think its time...i have to wait, so yo do same..go for it!
     
  13. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    The braind or the mind is playing tricks on me. And those ain't jedi mind tricks ;) but rather dark side mind tricks ;

    I feel like since I didn't watch Porn for a while, my brain is longing for something different. After having watched more than hundreds (thousands?) of different naked bodies, my brain still longs for more. This lead to the following : Instead of watching Porn, I went to check out some "review websites" about escorts/hookers/massage salons with happy endings. (Purely textual reviews with sometimes a link to some websites)

    The effects of this on me were :

    • A very hard time to fall asleep Thursday night to Friday with my mind racing to these kind of thougts: Should I go for it, or not. This is cheating ... or is it really if I only go for a "massage" with some mutal fondling and an orgasm at the end (handjob) (well I wouldn't want my wife to do this herself, going for a message and getting off, I would feel cheated myself so of course it's cheating ... or is it ? (lol)
    • A feeling of emptiness and pure depression yesterday : I felt empty the whole day wanting to do nothing at all, just mindlessly browing the internet (and those review sites :/)
    I already had this kind of behaviour when watching Porn, but I knew I wouldn't act upon it because, well, I had porn and could orgasm to it and get it over with. After the orgasm, the mind was "cleared".
    Well, you all understand what I mean with cleared. It feels like the mind cleared because no need to PMO for a while after it, at least for me. But in reality the mind is only clouded and further poisoned, but a porn addict that doesn't know he is an addict can't see that just yet like most of us do now.

    All this makes me think about giving myself some slack and only going without Porn and let myself Masturbate (MO) without real images when the wife isn't home to clear the mind and do less damage than if it was PMO and to also stop the urges to take the step to going to a real other woman because I long for something different.

    I can't really complain on the sexual side of my mariage, the wife is active and tried a few different things over the years. The only thing I long for (and certainly when I was watching Porn) was a great blowjob with a Porn finish. Something I would probably would never have thought about if I never watched porn. Without going in too much details because I don't want to use too much sexual terms in here, I can't say a BJ is what she does best or what she prefers. That's a big frustration for me.

    TLDR: Brain longs for other bodies to see, without the Porn videos/images and getting off, it replaces that with other urges that could lead to cheating or at least, lead to other problems.
     
  14. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Another difficult night to fall asleep. This time not so much about the questions and urges I wrote before but probably more about the fact I couldn’t finish and thought about if I couldn’t finish, what tells me I could with another girl mechanically pulling on my private parts? Lol

    Probably physically too, it’s always easier to fall asleep after orgasming than when you were near it but couldn’t.

    Nobody sait it would be easy, this is all really tricky. The human brain is such a mystery at times.

    I didn’t miss porn until now. Porn made everything seems easier to deal with, while of course the side effects are terribly negative.

    Edit with additional thoughts:

    Thinking about the sanitary situation we live with is enough for me to actually not make this next bad step I posted #13. I would not be able to live with myself if I would get or transmit the virus to a loved one because of my issues of the mind.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2021
  15. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    This probably deserves an entire topic on his own but there is a real big difference with the post orgasm clarity after intercourse and the one after PMO.

    Clarity after orgasming on porn for me was always shame and disgrace, a waste of time. This is a big red flag but we addicts are blinded by it or refuse to get the message.

    Post orgasm clarity after intercourse: none of the above, it’s completely different. It is empowering and gives me answers on several questions in the above posts: I don’t care about other female body parts, as long as I have pleasure. So it’s not worth it.

    Too bad there is no way to extend this clarity, besides some illegal drugs :D
     
  16. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Still doing well. Have been quite silent the past week not posting here but that's fine. I nearly slipped today, saw some soft NSFW stuff on reddit but that is of course also very wrong because this nearly lead to more but I came to my senses as it is just not worth it and it didn't feel right.

    My mind is still conflicted about all of this, but I have to be patient as the brain doesn't rewire in a month. So it's still playing tricks but the fact I didn't slip shows I'm stronger than I thought which is great.

    Some stuff I noticed in those 23 days no PM(O) :

    - During sexual intercourse, not thinking about anybody else, just living the moment
    - Outside of sexual intercourse, high libido / craving for sex (different partners / polygamy in mind) while perfectly knowing that it is not something I really want or need (side effect of the PMO, brain trying to find other source?). This is quite torturing and can make me lose some hours of sleep.
    - More active than usual, more capapable of doing stuff instead of procrastinating.
     
  17. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Hi guys,

    Quick check in, have been busy the last few days which is certainly a good thing. Still a week off before going back to work. I'm really curious to see how this will go, I will probably be a lot more productive with no "breaks" while homeworking to go PMO.

    Like I said in the last post, sexual intercourse is way better than before (during PMO). I don't think about Porn during the act or other fantasies, ladies etc ...

    It's only over a month, and I saw some vulnerabilities like going to NSFW subreddits, only to look. I just installed an anti time waster app that can sync to multiple devices (mobile, tablet) and it seems very interesting to avoid porn, but also those generic time wasters like facebook, instagram, twitter etc ... going to dive deeper into it and probably subscribe for a lifetime subscription, it's on sale haha.

    Also trying to change my diet and trying new things. Only positives so far, I'm very happy so far on this journey.
     

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