The Road Goes Ever On

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Eternity, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member


    I don't really have much of value to contribute at the moment, but please hang in there! I'm just some guy from a different part of the world who doesn't know you personally, but I still earnestly hope you gain momentum with your recovery efforts. I too hope to do the same, and once I do I might have something more worthwhile to contribute then.

    I looked into Zwift a little, and it looks like a virtual "cycling world" where an avatar on the screen is somehow "synced" to a stationary bike. Is that right? If so, how are they "synced"? Also, are the other cyclists in the game only AI, only other people's avatars, or a combination of both? Lastly, how do you set Zwift up? Is there a console or some sort of tech device you connect to your tv or smartphone (and stationary bike)?

    Sorry for the litany of questions, and please feel free to not answer. I asked so many because I thought it might help me to better follow your posts.

    Take care
    Eternity likes this.
  2. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It's basically a cycling online game, yeah. You play it by using a so-called trainer to which you attach your bike. The trainer and Zwift then communicate (with the power you input when pedaling) to create a fairly realistic experience. Resistance is increased when it's uphill in game, and so on. Most of the other cyclists you see are other players, but there are a few pacing bots. You can use either a PC/Laptop or smart device to play, as long as they can connect to the trainer via bluetooth or ANT+. Apparently Apple TV is the best way to play, but I just use my PC and an old TV.

    Hope that sheds some light, and always happy to answer. And thanks, I hope we can get going for real soon. Been stuck in the same spot for so long.

    I still struggle and I'm starting to think that there's little point in doing much until work starts again. That always makes it much easier, at least to get going. Tomorrow I may go cycling, but it's snowed today (!) so I'll see what it looks like. If it's too bad I'll do some free riding indoors.

    A few days ago I watched a documentary about Norwegian black metal in the 90s which made me want to listen to some again. I don't think I've realized how much the music has meant to me through the years. There's just something about the atmosphere that I connect to.

    NewStart19 likes this.
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    2020 recap... not that I can recall much which means that nothing special really happened. Covid didn't affect me much since I was already alone. I was feeling very down and depressed for periods, which I would have regardless. I have been unsuccessful to quit sugar, surprise surprise. Not much change on the PMO frontier either, I have managed a couple of longer clean streaks but overall it's been a struggle. This year I got more into plain Youtube stuff which means that my addiction goes way beyond standard P.

    Was there nothing positive then? It's always much easier to remember the bad stuff. Some highlights I'd say were the long bike rides, as well as getting a trainer. This is the first winter I haven't cancelled exercise, in fact I'm working on getting into better shape than ever before. I also have become more sure about life plans, I wouldn't say that the endless search is over, but I know where to start. The air fryer is another highlight. I've mainly used it for potatoes, but it makes such great chips.

    Some Strava stats: Around 2500km, 16000m climbed, but only 107 hours. I want to ride twice as much in 2021. I have no doubts that can be done, especially if I start going on overnight rides. 200+ hours should be my goal.

    Here's to improvements 2021!
  4. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Here's to a better tomorrow.
    You can do this.
    Happy New Year.
    Eternity likes this.
  5. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    The past week has been one of decadence and perpetual arousal. It's good that the holiday is over because I don't like what it's doing to me. At the same time I dislike my job, but that's partially due to the addiction. When clean, work at least becomes more tolerable.

    I've wanted a Gopro for a while, so I'm going to set myself a challenge. If I can stay clean for three weeks, I'll allow myself to get one. This could backfire, but at this point it's worth a try.

    I did some proper cooking today, and I'd like if I could eat like this every day. The reality is that I can, I only need to put in the effort of cooking for an hour each day. Potato chips take nearly an hour to cook, so that's plenty of time to prepare other things while still being easy.
  6. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Today's workout was high cadence, which went well. It's not easy to do 100+ RPM for longer times, but I felt good. I was a bit worried about a stiff knee, but it was not an issue.

    Some reflections on why it's difficult for me to relax: I believe it is a result of long-term MMO gaming. The main thing about MMOs is that there's always something to do or work on. Over time it's programmed me to rush home and log on. Even when I don't play, this remains. There's a big fear of missing out and doing something else leaves me uneasy. It's incredibly hard to sit down for as few as five minutes and do nothing. In a way I can't truly switch off. And, not being able to relax doesn't mean that I can do anything to satisfy myself. Unless it's the grind, it doesn't work. I don't know how to improve this situation. Maybe it just takes time.

    Sad to hear about the passing of Alexi Laiho. RIP.
    Gil79 likes this.
  7. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    No Gopro for me! Okay, there's still time to make those three weeks before Jan runs out. I want to do some photography again, but I don't want to carry around the system camera everywhere. Ever since my compact died I haven't had the option (phone works but it is a bit clumsy.) A Gopro may not be the best option for quality, but it seems very convenient, especially when riding the bike.

    For today's training it was low cadence seated sprint intervals. I could only reach 450W, which I suppose isn't bad for me given my weight and low strength. 6 workouts in now and it's so much better than free riding. No wonder I haven't improved much beyond basic fitness.
    Gil79 likes this.
  8. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    You know relaxing and doing nothing for a while doesn't mean physically relaxing. It's about clearing your head. You can do this while walking for example.
    I find that I can relax much better when I'm moving around.
  9. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Another weekend, another relapse. Well, is it even a relapse if it happens often? It's more like business as usual. I know what I must do, but I'm unwilling to do it. I know where my weaknesses lie, and yet I do nothing. I can't really get an "overdose" anymore, like long ago, that would make me abstain in disgust. I'm going to make it simple. I'll avoid item#1, and if that doesn't help, then at least I've avoided item#1. Anything positive will be good. If my life gets even 1% less decadent, it is a step forward.

    I've kept up with training. Did workouts yesterday+today and I can feel it. Maybe a little bit too harsh, but it's doable and I need to do 4 workouts/week anyway. Better to do it on the weekend than destroying myself during the week. It's also something to do.

    Made yet another nice meal today, same as last weekend. From now it's going to get more difficult to do shopping here, which means I need to plan better. Maybe shop for two weeks, but that's difficult with fresh vegetables.

    A very important song!
  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Mad tired today. Due to snow and cold, the roads have been pretty bad so far this week. Driving now takes a lot more focus than I'm used to.

    I don't think I'm as depressed as last winter, but everything still feels pointless occasionally. I wanted to make changes but now I don't know. Is it worth it... Maybe this is my doom. I'll keep looking for a new job, but they are scarce due to Covid. I partially don't want to study because it will use a lot of my hard earned money, so finding another job would be far favourable. I really hate being indecisive sometimes. I'm certain that staying clean will bring some clarity and answers. It's just the getting there.
    Shady and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  11. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Hang in there, things will look brighter after a good nights rest
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    How are you doing @Eternity?
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.

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