The Road Goes Ever On

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Eternity, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day one once more. It's tough to get going again, isn't it? Even though I do everything I've planned, it's not enough. It might be time to make the laptop less accessible.

    I'm suffering badly today from allergies. As expected. But I can't just stay indoors all day. Fortunately cycling seems to help me escape the runny nose so tomorrow I'll go for a couple of hour's ride.

    Despite the allergy I will try to finish working on the field this weekend. It's worth it if it may in the future become a place for many flowers.

    @NewStart19 As mentioned I also suffer from allergy. It was worth it, though. The night sky is simply magical. I live in Sweden, in the countryside. My house is at the border of a small forest in the middle of vast fields. Hope that's enough, I don't want to get too specific. I do have vague goals but I've never written them down. It might help my resolve if I do.

    The picture is from Tolkien indeed. It's by Ted Nasmith and describes The Curse of Morgoth, where Morgoth curses Húrin.

    Sit now there; and look out upon the lands where evil and despair shall come upon those whom thou lovest.
    Thou hast dared to mock me, and to question the power of Melkor, Master of the fates of Arda.
    Therefore, with my eyes thou shalt see, and with my ears thou shalt hear;
    And never shalt thou move from this place until all is fulfilled unto its bitter end.
    Living, NewStart19 and Gil79 like this.
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Same here. Yesterday I spend a day working in the lab with filtered air and overpresure, which was really a delight. But I also find that nosespray for hay fever works quite well.

    I am sure that somehow you must have set a vision amd goals to yourself, cause you really have some nice things going on. Your house and land, the cycling, that must come from a passion you have for those things. Last night I read in YBOP, the book, how important (besides more long-term goals) connectiveness to others is in rebooting. Even if it is very small, like calling family member or aquaintance every few days.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  3. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    @Eternity it's difficult the first 5-7 weeks. Just stay very alert and strong during that period then it'll get easier.
  4. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member


    Another day, another chance to reassert self-control.

    Sorry to hear that you too suffer from hay fever. Hope you are able to enjoy your time cycling and working in the field.

    I definitely think implementing measures to make your IADs less accessible and less used in general is a good idea. Hopefully you’re able to come up with some approach that works for you.

    Thanks for giving me an idea of where you live. I know it can be uncomfortable releasing personal information online. Sweden sounds nice. Never been myself, but I had a few Swedish friends when I lived overseas, though I think most of them were from or lived in the city.

    Thanks for sharing that excerpt. Is that from The Children of Húrin? All I’ve read from Tolkien are the LotR trilogy, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion.
  5. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day two, finally beyond that awful day one. I've suffered severely due to hay fever today, but that's the price to pay for grass cutting. That said, using a scythe is a very good core training method. Unfortunately, the old scythes that I used both broke. I've ordered a new one to use for now, but in the future I'd like to buy a full-length, high quality one. I've had this idea to, if I can get good at it, offer my service to those who want their fields cut eco-friendly.

    Yesterday I went cycling and except for some strong wind it was nice. Cycling gets me away from the hay fever problems which is nice. I've come up with a fun goal, to see what speed I can reach downhill. Within reason, of course. I don't want to crash. So far the best is 55km/h but I think I can do much better.

    @Gil79 I think I need to look up some aid. It's really taking the joy out of summer. The worst part is the itchy eyes, but I think ski goggles may help there. And yeah, maybe I'm not aware of the goals? Regardless I should list them.

    @Shady I'm thinking about setting a short-time goal to work on during these first months. If there is something to focus on during those boredom episodes, it may help.

    @NewStart19 It's really an enjoyable way to suffer. I think for this upcoming weekend I'm going to place the laptop where I can't reach it easily. I don't trust myself to stay clean right now. Sweden is okay, but not everything is as good as most foreigners seem to think. But I think that goes for any place.
    In The Silmarillion it is in the chapter The Fifth Battle. Húrin was chained to Thangorodrim and forced to watch over the ruin of his family. I haven't actually read The Children yet. For many years I've been stuck with Wheel of Time, but I plan on getting it sometime.
    NewStart19 likes this.
  6. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member


    That makes sense. I’ve only lived in two countries, but both had their pros and cons.

    I can’t believe that was in The Silmarillion. I guess there was so much content in the book that my brain couldn’t contain it all.

    Yea, keeping your laptop out of sight and out of mind as a precaution for difficult and triggering times is a good idea. Wishing you the best of luck this weekend.

    Take care
  7. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day three. Feeling pretty good today, despite having another hay fever day. I went for a post-work run, it was neither fast nor long, but it was nice.

    I've decided that I'm going to attempt a sugar free* July. This could backfire horribly but I want to see what effects it has on me. The first days are going to suck, but I have done it before.
    * Gels and ketchup is ok, but I don't really use either much.

    @NewStart19 Yeah, a lot happens and I wish it had been three times as long. There is of course a lot of lore to add from the other books such as Unfinished Tales to make it "thicker."

    Thanks. Summer was always my favourite season for PMO, so this is really on the highest difficulty right now.
    Living, Gil79 and NewStart19 like this.
  8. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Shorter goals are a good idea.

    Sugar free? You trying to lose weight?
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    That is so cool. I used one once for a field with nettles. It worked quite well. But with grasses I found it more difficult. Maybe my technique was not good or it was blunt.
  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Dawn of day six. I got up early due to a clogged nostril, and found it better to stay up. I don't feel very good; an acne breakout is making me feel ugly and is destroying my confidence. There's no telling what will happen tonight, but maybe waking up early will help me sleep.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  11. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member


    You could reframe it by thinking, “this is just nature’s way of handicapping me because I’m just too damn good looking.”

    Sorry to hear about the poor sleep though. Try not to let this feeling of decreased confidence lead you down the road to relapse. You had five awesome pmo-free days. The sixth one is waiting for you to claim it. Don’t let the voice of addiction tell you otherwise.

    Take care
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  12. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Hey man, how are you doing?
  13. Shady

    Shady Active Member

  14. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    If you eliminate dairy and sugar as much as possible from your diet, the allergy should be noticeably relieved

    Wishing you well on your journey!
  15. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    So passes another summer without progress. I disappeared again, partially due to the strong do and don't:s here. I always aim for perfection, but in the end it overwhelms me. As always it's been concentrated to the weekends, but it is frustrating to fall just when I begin to get somewhere.

    I want to give it another try. I don't even know what's happened during the last three months. It's all blended together to a bland soup of repetition. Seeing how it is a new month, I can use that as a symbol of a beginning.

    Not all has been bad. I've hit my daily steps every day for over two months now, but I'm beginning to question it. I've done less cycling and a bit more running. With winter coming, I want to buy a trainer to make exercise easier.

    I also bought an air fryer recently, which hopefully will make cooking easier and more fun. I'm going to experiment with fried rice soon. Depending on the results, it could be nice lunchbox food.

    It's good to finally find the courage to return.
  16. Shady

    Shady Active Member

    Welcome back.

    My advice: take it easy on yourself.

    I love the airfryer.
  17. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Dude, why are you stealing my thoughts? But seriously, good to have you back.
  18. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Well done!
  19. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Good luck, progress isn't a straight line.
  20. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Thanks all. The weekend went well, for once. I had Friday urges, but I put on some music instead and drifted away. Of course, it's only a small step and I've been here before. Far too many times. As you can tell, I struggle to think positively these days. It is as if everything is a potential problem. Even the tiniest chore is a pain, and even though I need to do some cleaning, I can't bring myself to do it. I know that it will get better given time, at least I hope I haven't gone too far.

    I'm 37 and I still have no idea what to do with my life. There's too much pressure from society and media to have a "normal" life. It's also very good at projecting a spotless life with no problems. I think, by distancing myself from the world, I am forgetting that reality is far from this. I need to find the path back somehow. Women is out of the question, though. For all I know they may as well be a completely different species. I have developed this belief that no-one would be interested in a weirdo such as myself. I've really been stuck behind a computer screen for too long.

    Time will tell whether it's possible to mend my mind.

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