The Road Goes Ever On

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Eternity, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Nice job man !
    Eternity likes this.
  2. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day seven, evening post.

    I'm back from the ride, I ended up going for 78 km. I'm quite spent, but for the first long ride of the year, it went pretty well. No super fast speed, but I managed energy intake well and felt fresh throughout.

    Unfortunately, I have urges now. I've had caffeine today, which definitely seems like a worse mistake than I thought. I'm actually going to say that there's a connection for me. It's what started every Friday relapse, and I think my brain anticipates PMO after consumption. So what do I do? I thought about just going for it, ignoring this place. Here I am, though, and at least interrupting the relapse process.

    I'm going to go outside for a while, and see if I can get my thoughts under control. Maybe watch some (non-triggering) movie after. Try to get sleepy despite the caffeine.

    I also need to remember that tomorrow is an awesome album day.
  3. Great job of getting on here to post instead! Proud of you man!
    Eternity likes this.
  4. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Alas, despite my efforts this is day zero. I tried everything but I just couldn't let it go. Woke up with too strong urges as usual. At least I know that I can't allow caffeine anymore. I should be fine now, so I will move forward again. The reboot was never linear, and in the long run this is just a minor setback. The goal is now to reach 10 clean days.

    It's raining, which means that there's not much to be done outside. At least I'll go for a walk, though. I'm going to take this opportunity to do some cleaning, also.

    I'm amending the album challenge. Instead of going back to the beginning, I'll go back one album for each time. If I struggle, it will still get very repetitive.
    Living likes this.
  5. Good to see you’re positive, learned from it and moving on towards your goals. Every time you fight urges and win, you’re improving.

    Goodluck on your 10 day goal!
  6. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, there does seem to be a link between caffeine and the pleasure center. Surely if I have coffee, or too much of it, I place myself in a better position to have urges and maybe relapse. It's one of the reasons I try not to drink too much, even though it's often tempting. If you can go for a few weeks without any, that can always help perhaps build a "calmer foundation". I always felt like it was helpful when I stopped it for a few weeks.

    Good luck on the 10 day goal. I think this was a good effort you just had and you can build on it.
  7. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    It sucks that you slipped, but it's good to see that you've aced the friday! When you slip for a while on a specific day it's sometimes hard to not slip on that day because you start to associate that day with slips. Breaking a cycle like that can really remind you that you don't have to slip on that day. It's not a rule. And you can make 10 days too. I'm sure of that:)
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  8. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day one. As usual, the firsts days seem slow when counting. Well, nothing to do about that. I'm off on Wednesday but that should be fine. I can spend most of the day working outdoors.

    I watched a documentary about organic farming last night which inspired me. Not that I can start a farm, but there's a lot that I can do to improve the ecosystem. Talking ponds with @Living has made me interested in creating one. In my big garden, there's more than enough room for a small one. But it's a future project, as I got way too much going on. I don't want to become someone who starts projects but never finishes any. The current projects are firewood and the battle against invasive plants. I'm starting to get good at the latter, but it's time consuming work. Maybe 60-90 minutes per square meter, depending on density. It's good patience practice, though.

    @BoughtWithBlood Thanks, I'll get there eventually.

    @Thelongwayhome27 I'm going to try, it's just that it can be rough fighting several addictions. I don't intend to go back to caffeine ever again, though. I'll have to will myself through the first weeks. And thanks, the full week was definitely elusive for so long.

    @Living Treating Friday like any other evening worked, yeah. The celebratory mood is dangerous, but I think that as long as I can go to bed normally, it improves my chances.
    Gil79, Living and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I really enjoy to read the conversation you and @Living are having about the ecological gardening and the ponds!
    Eternity and Living like this.
  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I sometimes wonder if I should have discussions like these on here, because they sometimes seem off topic. But then again, if there is one thing that helps me to deal with my problems it is doing things I value. And the ecological thing as well as staring for an hour into my mini pond to see what kinds of creatures are there, those are the things that actually help me the most. And discussing stuff like that makes me happy too.

    @Eternity: what documentary did you see?
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  11. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day two. I'm annoyed today, at the weather. Ice cold and rain. I can't control it, but I'd have liked to get something done outside. I hope tomorrow brings better weather. I suppose I'll try to relax tonight and focus on making some good progress tomorrow, rain or no rain.

    @Living I think off topic discussions are good, because yeah, they make me focus less on the addiction. I think the documentary is called The Biggest Little Farm in English.
    Living likes this.
  12. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    The Biggest Little Farm is awesome! When I saw it in the cinema for the first time it actually made me cry because it just made me feel so happy and hopeful. Just bought the DVD a couple of weeks ago and watched it again. Still loved it:)

    Have you considered a canopy of some sort? It's something that I would definitly build if I had a bigger garden. That way you could enjoy nature and not get annoyed by the rain. You could turn it into a workshop where you can do all sorts of choirs or just where you have some relaxed garden furniture. I have lived in Iceland for a while and there I have learned to appreciate rain. We are so brought up with rain being a dreadful thing, but especially in nature it can be really beautiful. In Iceland rain became just as much part of the landscape to me as the trees would (if they actually had trees in Iceland that is:)). Lol, I do realize that it a canopy means another project. Have you considered doing some these things with a friend? There must be people that would enjoy doing these things with you.
  13. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I'm usually pretty unemotional, but it stirred me too. Watching how nature has the answers to most problems inspired me. Maybe it's a contradiction to exterminate lupins etc, but I consider these a man-made pest that I have to remove myself. I'd rather have 10 species of flowers than one dominant.

    I'm actually going to buy one in a month, to put on my big terrace. I also want to get a large greenhouse with place for both work and plants.

    After last years' droughts I've come to appreciate rain. But sub-zero degrees and snow in mid-May is just unnatural. It's the cold that I can't stand, so maybe I need to invest in waterproof clothing which allows me to work outdoors regardless of weather. I haven't been to Iceland but it'd be nice to make a trip there for some cycling. I think it's possible to ride a loop of most of the island.

    If I had any friends, everyone is so busy with their own lives. I've begun to realize that finding a girlfriend/wife with similar ideas may be what I need. It is a bit overwhelming to do everything on my own and there's got to be someone out there who's interested in living countryside life.

    Early day three. It's snowing right now but it's not heavy and seems to be stopping soon. I'm going shopping in a little bit. These tastes of retirement life are nice. I'd love if we could work less in the future, as it improves quality of life.

    I've been getting into documentaries again. Last night I watched one about a series of robberies in the 90s. I'm interested in history, and this is something that I should even be able to recall. But nope. Any concrete memories from my childhood are gone. This sometimes scares me, but maybe my bad memory is just the result of extreme PMO for so many years. That, along with making me live oblivious to the outside world.
    Living and Gil79 like this.
  14. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    The last 2 weeks or so I am really getting memories back of things I completely forgot about. I experienced this before during reboots. Yesterday I checked YBOP and there's quite some stuff written about it. Both about associative memory and your actual working (short-term) memory coming back when you stop PMO. Really interesting!
    Living likes this.
  15. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I have looked into the lupine problem in Scandinavia and it seems to be really big problem (especially in Iceland). You probably have found this out yourself too, but when it comes to getting rid of them I read some promising things about keeping sheep (which you wanted anyway) and exhausting them by cutting them down (especially in late june/early july). Keeping that up a couple of years in a row should have a solid impact:) These might be approaches where you can 'clear' larger area's in less time.

    Awesome that you are going to have a canopy! I love the idea of a greenhouse too. We now have a very small one, more like a greencupboard and it's great for growing plants and veggies. My dreamhouse has a big orangerie though, I would really love that:) I can imagine the canopy might not really help that much against the cold though. It's a good idea to get some solid clothing for those occasions though. For my job I work outdoors a whole lot and proper clothing makes a huge difference.

    Totally, having a partner with similar interests makes a huge difference. I can fully imagine that having such a big garden can be overwhelming on your own. Besides it's just more fun when you can share it, right:) For what's it's worth: I'd happily enjoy reading about you making progress in your garden. Oh, and I thought this might interest you too: It's a really good book that talks about everything from creating your own energy to building solid compost heaps to slaughtering your own lifestock:) You might find some useful stuff in there.
  16. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day three, evening post. I've been crouching/kneeling most of the day, getting rid of more bad plants. Two large spots are now clear. I'm sure I haven't seen the last of them, but this should make it much easier to control. Almost everything else can be cut or mowed, so round one is coming to an end. My body hurts from this, but it should be worth some pain. I also went for a 6 km walk. There was some nasty north wind but my foot didn't trouble me at all which is good.

    @Gil79 I don't recall it happening during my longer ones, but it's been 7 years so maybe I've... forgotten. Sounds promising, though.

    @Living I've heard that the situation in Iceland is very bad, yeah. They cover entire beaches. Here, they mostly cover endless miles of roadsides. I don't get the massive clusters, but they've spread quite a bit regardless. Maybe I should just settle for cutting them, but I've pulled up numerous baskets of roots so I'm going to continue that and see whether it helps at all.

    I only got a home made "greenhouse" I made using pallet collars and some large windows that came with the house. It worked well for cucumbers last year, but it was almost too low for peppers. I might try to raise the windows a bit from the ground. A large orangerie would be great, but they're expensive. That said, I've always been of the idea that if I'm paying for something, I may as well aim high or I'll just regret it. That's what happened to my first bike, for example. I'd also have to check what the law says about greenhouses larger than 15 square meters. May need to seek permission for larger ones.

    Ideally I'd like to make some progress with the addiction before I go look for company. But maybe that's just another excuse for not leaving the comfort zone.

    Seems like an interesting book, I'll try to remember it when I order books next. It's not too often, but I'm trying to collect the Don Rosa volumes because it's starting to get hard to find them here, so maybe I will next month.
  17. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day four. Friday's just around the corner. To combat this I got no caffeine available, and I'm going to try to get up at 4:30 tomorrow to make myself extra tired. If I manage to get up, I can also go for an early morning walk which is something I may do more often in summer.

    I can really feel yesterday's work, and I won't do much else today. I have to learn to have such days, too.
    Gil79 and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  18. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day five: the dreadful Friday.

    I'm in a gloomy mood this evening, which I will blame on mood swings before I analyze it any further. I tried to - and did - do some work when I got home, but I couldn't get into it. Something that affects my mood is my acne. It's not as bad as when I first got off the treatment, but it's still there and I still suffer the after effects of the treatment. My skin is sensitive and quite dry, which makes it redder than it should be. Perhaps I should use moisturizer, but I don't want to get dependent on it. The dryness is the worst after showers, so maybe I should apply some then, at least.

    When I get PMO more under control I want to try an experiment, to see whether it truly affects my acne. I'd like to avoid sugar, dairy and oily snacks for at least a month. I've long suspected that these are culprits. I may also need a different shaving method. Most spots are concentrated around where I shave. Maybe a classic razor would be better than electric ones.

    The only reason I'm not starting right now is because it could get overwhelming to stop too many things at once. Maybe in June?
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  19. Good job man, that’s half way!
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  20. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Day six, the Friday plan worked. I was sleepy around 9PM, and slept for almost 10 hours. I'm not sure what to do today, I've already gone for a long walk, and done some work. It's going to be too windy for cycling, so I think I'll chop some wood, and do more digging. In June I'll probably call it, and cut the rest that comes up. I also think I can flatten some soil I've placed to help mow these plants, and sow grass seeds. There's a lot more I could do, but I still lack the motivation to start something. I'll finish the current projects and move on from there.

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