The Road Goes Ever On

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Eternity, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    Hi Eternity, I can definitely relate to being winter depressed, I get that sensation as well. Things are often simpler and clearer in the spring and in the summer. Although there are problems then too (for me at least). I'm struggling as well lately as I've fallen off the wagon in November and I'm not getting back on. I know it ain't easy to gather the good momentum back (for real) once we lose it. But we gotta keep trying, one day at a time. Don't forget to be good to yourself. Cheers.
     
  2. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Would something simple such as light therapy and or vitamin D help? May be worth it to give a try.......
     
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I held out for nearly 14 days before curiosity became too much. It's not bad, and I want to think that I'm doing better now than 6 months ago. I've tried and tried to come here to write, but when that mood hits it's difficult to even consider. Still, I'm slightly positive that as long as I keep trying, I can eventually make it.

    @Thelongwayhome27 Thanks. They are, aren't they? I dislike the dark and cold, it's burdensome to get dressed for winter. But yeah, the trick seems to be not to give up no matter how pointless things seem.

    @Gilgamesh Perhaps, even eating healthier food might help. I'm very bad at taking care of myself when I'm depressed.
     
  4. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    Hi Eternity, well 2 weeks is pretty good and something you can build on. Even if we slip, every time we go on a streak we practice and learn the skill of living without the PMO (though it's important not to use this as a rationalization to slip after a series of good days, that's just delaying the road to health and thus not helpful to ourselves). Guess you gotta figure out what made you slip after 14 days, what stressors got to you ? and what you could have done differently to prevent the urges to go up and stay the course, navigate the terrain ? In any case, good luck on getting back on clean days as soon as possible. Finally I'll add that I like the poem in your signature.
     
  5. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    It was probably a combination of loneliness and a family crisis. Getting out of the house can help, but it's not nice this time of year. I don't want take the car unless I actually need to. What I can do is to put on some nice music and take a nap. The poem is written by Robert W. Service but also known from Don Rosa's Uncle Scrooge stories - at least that's where I found it. It describes a kind of longing I have for, yeah, the wild and a simpler life?

    This is day two: last night I almost gave in again, but I firmly told myself "no" and managed to fall asleep. This addiction has almost ruined the very last friendship I have. Isn't it time to change?
     
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  6. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I'm so tired. Both physically and mentally. Things are changing at work and it worries me (I won't lose my job though.) I really should find a new job, but I can't find the motivation to go full job seeking mode right now.

    I've started to read The Lord of the Rings again. Last time was when I was in Australia. Anyway, these books have been very important in my life. When I first encountered them in my mid-teens I was filled with a sense of adventure. I don't know if they can bring out the same feelings again, but they let my mind to rest and dream of a better world. Maybe it's immature; something I shouldn't do now that I'm grown up. I don't like standard grown-up things, though, and I don't want to do something just because society tells me to. I'm getting old and I want to get the most out of my days. PMO tries to be what I want in life, but it it was, I wouldn't be this miserable. I'm trying to put my finger on what it is that I want, but I'm not quite there yet...

     
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  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    Reading Lord of the Rings or other fantasy novels is a great hobby and not at all immature I think. It is, in any case, a much healthier habit then compulsive PMOing. I think if you find it brings you any kind of peace and joy then pursue by all means. If you say such books have made a profound impact on you when younger and at the same time you say you are still looking for your true purpose here, have you ever thought about writing something yourself ?
     
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  8. -Luke-

    -Luke- Active Member

    Hey @Eternity,
    I really like your attitude. Do what is helpful for you and not what society expects of you. Lord of the Rings is great and not at all a children's book. And even if it were, who cares?
     
  9. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    @Thelongwayhome27 Some people think that fantasy is for kids only (I'd like them to try Wheel of Time!) That said, they're the same people who have the need to live by society's strict rules, I suppose. Writing, hm? I have considered it, but I doubt I could come up with something original. Then again, maybe it doesn't have to be that original.

    @-Luke- Thanks, and you're right, as long as I enjoy it and it's not detrimental, I should read and do what I want. It's hard not to put on the mask when out among people, though. That is tied to self-acceptance and something I need to work on. This tends to get better the further into the reboot I get, but it doesn't solve itself completely on its own.

    Last night was Friday, and we all know how that went. Actually, it didn't. I had the "Friday urges" but I resisted. That's something I'll take with me, that it doesn't have to end badly. This weekend I'm going to work a little on setting up the old bike for sale. I need to clean it properly and make sure everything works. I'm by no means a mechanic, but it's fun to tinker with bikes. It's way more fun to ride them, though.
     
  10. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    I think it has to be authentic more then original. It has to be something true to your own voice and perspective on the universe.

    Well done on resisting the friday urges man!
     
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  11. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I had some brutal urges last night. I was very close to giving in, but then I actually considered it and managed to fall asleep. I hope that makes me stronger because I don't know how many more situations like that I can handle right now.

    I'm up to about a week again. Although I've had my weak moments, I have more "positive" than "negative" days in 2019. I know that my reboot won't be perfect, but I think that PMO seems less and less interesting.
     
  12. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    I am a big fantasy fan too! Nothing childesh about it. Although, the link to some sort of idealistic fantasy world rings a bell! I would rather read Tolkien and other fantasy worlds than PMO any day.
     
  13. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Hey dude im reading the second book in the Wheel of time right now. Ive read most of the series before but never quite finished it. I know a WOT tv series is coming out soon so i wanted to refresh my memory a bit

    Its a great read and dont let anyone tell you or say fantasy is for kids or youre wasting your time. Its a damn sight better that being a stupid wanker staring at pixels on a screen
     
  14. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I had urges last night, since it was Friday (I think my body has adapted to Fridays being the "reward" day.) Perhaps the urges triggered it, or maybe it was simply time, but I think I suffered a wet dream. I don't seem affected today, but the flashback dreams are bad. If this is progress, it's a difficult path.

    I've set up my old bike for winter commuting. Right now it's raining and that has made the roads into pure ice, but hopefully I can leave the car at home at least once a week.

    @Caoimhín That's good to hear, I guess it's a healthy escape as long as I don't get as fanatic about it as when I was younger. Tolkien's works were pretty much the bible of my life back then. In a way, that still controls my personality; when I get interested in something, I become really obsessed. That might be one reason why I struggle to let PMO go.

    @sveltest I'll be honest, I found Jordan's writing extremely boring at times! It was a huge struggle to get through WoT (it took me five years) but in the end it was so worth it. I don't know if I'm looking forward to the TV series, but it should be entertaining as long as they don't change too much.
     
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  15. sveltest

    sveltest Member

    Ya there was a portion commonly refered to as "the slog" books 9, 10, 11 with 8 and 12 being debatably just as boring. I found up to book 7 it held my interest. Then things picked up again for book 13 and 14.

    Im sure massive cuts will be made. No one not even diehard fans can be made to sit through hours of arm cross braid tugging and skirt smoothing.

    Dont think of wet dreams as a setback bro. Its your body doing what is natural.
     
  16. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Yeah, I felt like you could kinda skip every chapter except for the first and last one. Say what you want about Sanderson, but for me he saved the series. Well the braid should be there since it's Nynaeve's personality, but maybe not for every episode.

    Saturday evening I was hit with a cold. I'm rarely ill, but this time I couldn't avoid it. At least it makes rebooting easy. Today I need to eat something and hope that it stays down.
     
  17. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Sitting here with a runny nose and kinda regretting that I said I will work tomorrow. But, the infection is gone; heart rate is back to normal and I'm not tired. And any more time at home could be dangerous.

    I read the chapters in FOTR with Tom Bombadil last night. I've always found Tom to be a little creepy and his life too good to be true, even for a tale. But something tells me that if I got to be anything I wanted, I'd live my life in a similar fashion. To get up at first light and wander the woods before breakfast, ah, what a life. Sadly, there are no real woods left anymore in this land. Reading Tolkien may cause my writing to become more long-winded, so bear with me.

    I have no idea what day this is for the reboot, and while I could look it up, ultimately it doesn't really matter. Speaking of days, though, I know that my journey started here some 7 years ago. Seven years! I hope everyone from the beginning has beaten this now. Maybe this is the year I will see this journey to the end, but in saying that, as soon as I felt better after the cold hit, I could feel the call of the addiction. Furthermore, even if I reach the end, remember: the road goes ever on...
     
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  18. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Active Member

    I actually skimmed through, a few days ago, the early parts of your old journal on here (25-30 range). You're coming from far man and you used to do 90+ days, that's awesome. I hope you can discover some fresh zeal again! I've also had an older journal on here (25-30) - I've been fighting this issue, consciously, since 2014. For some the battle is longer. Let's just keep going. The road goes ever on indeed.
     
  19. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Yeah man, we should always keep developing ourselves. There's so much to discover!
     
  20. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I finally seem to be well again. I had to go home from work because I clearly wasn't ready yet. I've ended up resting for a week, and today at last I found some energy to take care of some things at and around the house. Urges haven't been present, so the weekend has been easy. This upcoming week I will try to ride the bike to work one day. I have to start slowly, especially after the cold.

    @Thelongwayhome27 It used to be so easy; I did it on motivation alone. I too hope I can find that again, but until then I need to keep reminding myself that this is the right path.

    @Gilgamesh Indeed, the house alone should offer plenty of opportunity. If only I could find some motivation... Actually, there is a little, a plan to set up a bike workshop in a shed. It's a start.
     

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