The Road Goes Ever On

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Eternity, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    I am sure you can still make it a nice day and weekend. I guess you had the friday evening blues again. Dont be hard on yourself: 3 weeks is awesome. Keep on going!
     
  2. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Three weeks is a really good streak.
    You can get there again if you want, you certainly have it in you.
     
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Ye olde chaser struck last night. Decided to take it easy today, slept in late (for me) and did some work outside (might contradict "easy" but there's no stress.) Soon it's dark, though, and the rest of the day remains. The problem is really only when I go to bed, so I'll do what I can.
     
  4. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Outside work is awesome. It makes you ground and connect to yourself. The winter period is difficult in that sense because it naturally 'locks you up' inside in the evenings.
     
  5. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    No success to break the streak of evening MOs this week. I shouldn't go to bed when I'm not sleepy enough, but I keep worrying that anything less than 8 hours won't be enough. But really, 7 hours and no MO is likely better rest.

    I think I've found a reason to keep trying. I need to fight for the climate. It infuriates me to see how nothing changes. The leaders don't care unless there's profit involved. I think the people need to take matters into their own hands, and I want to help. The problem, however, is that all I do is to feel sorry for myself. I'm incredibly selfish, and I credit that to the addiction. I've got the means to give the planet a helping hand, but not the right mindset. I need to focus on the bigger picture. Maybe this will help me beat the addiction, but I need to actually put in an effort. It won't happen just because I want it to.
     
  6. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    In a foul mood which is expected early on. At least I got through last night, but it's not going to be a fun Friday evening. Still, each day should be an improvement.

    I've bought some bird feeding stations which I will put up on Saturday. I want to help out in the wintertime, and that should be a nice change to only helping myself all the time. I want to get a cat, but first I need to take some control over my life.
     
  7. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    I guess that the cat will also be very pleased with the bird feeding stations . Stay healthy today/tonight and enjoy a nice weekend!
     
  8. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Fridays, my bane. Gave in again. The reasons are many, but the strongest contender is that: all pressure from the week is off and results in celebratory mood. However, due to loneliness I think that there's nothing better to do, and that it doesn't really matter. I know that there are divided opinions about gaming here, but for me, anything to do that's not P seems beneficial.

    I didn't turn on the computer last night until I made the wrong choice. I've said it before, and it seems that there is no other way: when these situations occur, I need to come here to write. Preferably, I should write here at least once a day.

    @Gilgamesh Yeah, that's inevitable, but as long as it keeps the vermin away I'll allow it to drool over birds.
     
  9. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I almost gave in on Saturday, but managed to sleep. This is day 3 on this long journey and as usual, the upcoming Friday will be a challenge. But, I need to at least try.
     
  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I'm angry. It's almost 2019. The world is heading towards annihilation, and what do the politicians do? Claim that nothing is wrong and that funds will be lowered to protect the forests and biodiversity. All over the world, ignorant leaders seem to rise to power. I know that this is very off topic, but it's good to know that I have some feelings left.
     
  11. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I got no motivation. The monotonous days crawl by, and all I wish in the evenings is to sleep. It's probably a combination of the addiction, and the everlasting darkness of this season. In this void it's easy to seek comfort in the forbidden.

    At least I'm keeping up with training. Though, it's not pleasant to get dressed for a run in the dark and cold. Hopefully the grind pays off later.

    Sometimes doubt comes creeping, making me wonder if I've gone too far and that there's no way out. I feel much older than I am, that there's nothing left worth living for. I often think of the old days and how blissful they were. Maybe it's just the nostalgia glasses. After all, I know that my greatest year was the first (and only) time I managed to avoid PMO for a long time. Why that knowledge alone isn't enough to make me quit for good is beyond me.

    Tomorrow is Friday. If I truly want to make a change for the better, I can't let the urges win.
     
  12. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Yeah, the darkness of these months can really get to me too. I guess, as in general in life, we have to keep focusing on what we want. I like how it is put in 'psychocybernetics': we need to be nostalgious towards the future'.

    It's Friday, your key day to do things differently. Is running on the planning for tonight? Keep it up, I'm with you!
     
  13. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Early Friday night. No urges to speak of so far. Compared to yesterday's mood I feel better. I think some singing is on the schedule tonight. Empowering power metal at its best; some think it cheesy, but it really lifts my mood.

    @Gilgamesh I ran yesterday so no running this weekend (it's also to save water - I try not to shower at home.) I will instead try to treat this as a normal weekday evening.
    I know that much of what once were, I can gain again. Also, all the recent climate issues have made me even more sure that I want to fight for a better world. That's actually going to be my new year's resolution. I will try to get involved with like-minded people and so on. I will also transform my own place into something to aid biodiversity and the environment. I got a book on this very subject today, which I intend to read during the holidays.
     
  14. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I did it. Next weekend is more crucial though, since it's the holidays. I really don't want to feel like a loser during that, so I hope I can keep this up.
     
  15. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Got through the weekend. There were urges, but nothing I couldn't handle. Now, setting sails for the next weekend and the holidays. I'm off for 12 days but for most of those I'll be with my brother so it should be ok.
     
    Merton likes this.
  16. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Great job getting through the weekend in a healthy way. I notice that in general your streaks are quite long. Typically a couple of weeks, am I right? That means to me that you're very well able to abstain from porn and in such a streak continuously make the right choice: value-based decision making above emotion-based decision making. You say you'll be quite safe the upcoming period. What would be the next possible risk? Could you already anticipate on that?
     
  17. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Thanks. Whenever I get started I usually last for a while, but it can take months to get there. In the beginning I was able to abstain for months, so it's a matter of motivation and determination. Back then I went into battle with conviction, which I have lost somewhere along the road. I honestly haven't been taking this serious for years. It hasn't been much more than a game to reach a number of days. That's why I abolished my counter; it was just ridiculous to reset it time and time again.

    I haven't thought about that as it seems so far away, but it's not really. The biggest risk is boredom, especially after not being alone for a week. Another risk is a wet dream, those always mean trouble. Another is that the plan to give up snacks backfires. For that, I will begin by learning to drink water again after new year's.
    So yeah, there are many more risks, some known, some likely unknown yet.
     
    Gilgamesh likes this.
  18. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I've been getting closer to taking up my habit of pre sleep MOing. But, I'm still holding on and if I can keep fantasy away it should make things easier at night.
     
    Gilgamesh likes this.
  19. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Things fell apart sometime before new year's. I've not completely fallen back to old habits, but yesterday was the usual Friday...

    If anything good has come out of it, it is that I've become interested in cycling again. I think I need the exercise for both physical and mental health, and running isn't working. Cycling was a lot of fun, but I kinda burned out after last summer. I'm considering joining a cycling club this year, which may make it even more fun.
    The result of this is that I'm getting a new bike. There's nothing wrong with my "old" one, but ever since I bought it, I've had my eyes on a more advanced machine. I considered upgrading it, but in the end it seemed better to get a completely new bike. The search has caused a lot of stress, and hopefully it gets better once I'm past the point of no return, which is today.
     
    Gilgamesh likes this.
  20. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I'm still struggling. I've had some days off, but overall there's been no rest. A friend thinks I'm winter depressed, and I'm not going to argue with that. Everything seems to take double effort to get done right now, and nothing seems worthwhile. It could be the addiction, but it's usually never this bad.
     

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