The Road Goes Ever On

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Eternity, Oct 9, 2013.

  1. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I suppose it's annoying if the flatline goes on forever (it lasted well over 100 days during my first reboot), even more so if you have a girlfriend. But I don't mind at all. I'm patient. It may have been a false alarm though, I still seem to get triggered easily by unexpected pictures etc.

    You'll get there. You have the desire to quit and you should know what your triggers are by now, so you can avoid them.

    PMO really drains my energy. It's easy to see this early on into the reboot. Once the increased energy levels become the norm, I tend to forget how bad PMO affects me. I used to come home from work completely exhausted a few weeks ago, but this week I've returned still feeling fresh. The sad thing is that it was the lack of energy that made me unable to stop. It became a bad cycle of exhaustion and comfort via PMO and snacks (which in turn was the cause of the exhaustion). All it took was to endure the pain for a few days.

    A big difference is the quality of my sleep, I think. Although I usually wake up once or twice per night now, I still feel more refreshed than before when I'd sleep uninterrupted. I'd better get used to waking up, because that's been the standard during previous runs.
  2. mhopper

    mhopper Guest

    I hear people talking about first, second, third reboots, etc. All lasting for long periods of time. How many reboots does one need? If you have to keep going back to square one. I guess a better question is what's a responsible amount of masturbation? Doctors can tell you how much alcohol to drink based upon your age, weight, gender, etc. At what point does PMO become abusive? I realize it's probably different for everyone, different body types, etc.
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    That's a very interesting question. To me it doesn't take many sessions before it's too much. I could probably PMO for 3-4 days, but any longer and it'll devour me. I remember that not long after I relapsed and ended my last long run, I had lost control and stayed up all night watching stuff. My penis hurt but still I kept at it. When not even physical pain will stop me, I've taken too many steps back.
  4. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    You must be over half into the initial withdrawal. Do as you have until now and you'll make it out of it! I tend to forget the negative effects of PMO also. But remember we must. Or else...
  5. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    This time I will not fail. I refuse to. I should know better by now. My relapses always start with curiosity. I get the idea that it can't hurt to watch something borderline, and before I know it I have O'd due to the increased sensitivity. If it should still happen, I need to keep running instead of stopping. No just-one-more-time:s.

    Anyway, another weekend is approaching. I shouldn't encounter any problems. Snacks urges are way worse than PMO urges (which are almost non-existant). Maybe it helps that my focus is fixed on snacks, maybe not. I'll know in a couple of weeks when the snacks cravings die down. I wanted something to snack on for most of the day, and I had errands at the store. I left the store with the latest issue of a magazine, a lightbulb, vegetables and apples. Success!

    I feel like playing some old classic games. I can't stand sitting down for too long to play, so they'd be a good way to kill some time. I'm also planning to watch some 80s & 90s movies that I've never watched before (or can't remember that I have).
  6. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Atta boy! Keep yourself busy with other stuff. I'm watching a lot of television shows at the moment. It's a waiting game to recover, and distraction is needed.

    I haven't had urges to play video games, but if I would, I wouldn't play the new ones, I'd go for the old classics I loved to play when I was 16-20. :) I used to watch a ton of movies in the 80s and 90s. I especially anticipated the new Schwarzenegger/Stallone movies. :)
  7. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Those macho action movies are definitely my favourites! Did you watch Arnold's latest, The Last Stand? I liked it but then again, I kinda worship Arnold, hah.

    It's been an unusual weekend. I've taken long naps in the afternoons. It seems that I can't lie down for more than 15 minutes, or I'll fall asleep. Next weekend I should have my new books, though, which means that I can read instead of sleep. I've got some things planned for next weekend as well.

    Although I wasted lots of time on naps, I've still managed to go for long walks. The weather is pretty mild and I'd like to enjoy it while it lasts.

    I haven't had snacks for over a week now. I think the worst cravings have disappeared, but I'm still in danger when I go shopping. The next step is to increase the quality of my meals.
  8. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    I haven't watched The Last Stand, but I guess I'm going to some day soon. I'm a devoted Arnold-fan. Just this year I read his autobiography, I recommend it! It's very motivating to read how he from a very young age set goals for himself and went after them, usually succeeding! Anyone can adapt this line of thought.

    I bought carrots. I'll peel and eat a couple right now. :)
  9. me_vs_p

    me_vs_p Guest

    I noticed that as well. when I was in my early twenties I could PMO for hours, day after day after day.

    can't do that anymore. I'm thirty now but don't think it's an age thing. it's more because I've seen almost all P that's available online, at least that's how I feel it, of course that's impossible. but I've watched so much P over the years that it just doesn't do anything for me anymore. would even continue to watch it when my dick was hurting because of all the M'ing.

    I sure have the cravings for it but after I've watched it I'm done for at least a couple of days. but the cravings won't disappear though. they stay the same doesn't matter how much P I've watched.

    you said that your pmo urges are almost non existent now.
    man I can't wait to get that luxury back. for now all I can think of is how nice it would be to just pmo all day long.
  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    True: I think I will grab his bio the next time I order books.

    Me: Yes, urges are not a problem right now. Sometimes they show up but they get kicked out just as fast. I hope that your urges go away soon.

    I made it through another week, making it three in total. The full month is close, but let's focus on the current day and moment as always. As mentioned, tiny urges occasionally appear only to disappear again. I got some new books to read today which will be helpful in the battle against boredom. Very soon The Hobbit extended will be out, too. I can't wait!

    I've been hungry all day due to the reduced portion diet we're trying over at True's journal. Hopefully I can keep at it until I get used to it, and not binge on a giant meal. Along with the other books, I got the vegetarian cookbook I ordered so I will attempt some new dishes soon. Speaking of, I'm still interested in going fully vegetarian. I tried it before and only lasted for a month or so. The main issue was that I was constantly hungry. If I can address that, I would not mind ditching meat at all. Except for fish, I'm not fond of meat at all.
  11. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    I have not suffered real urges in a few days now. My reboot is according to plan. Congratulations for getting past three weeks! It's a gray zone when the initial withdrawal ends, but you should be right where it gets easier. Now to maintain the abstinence. It sure is hard to get through the first few weeks.

    I hope your hunger stays at bay. You can control it as you control these urges, just by your will. But eating small snacks now and then (an apple) will help much. I hope you make an effort to take small bites, and chew thoroughly.

    I choose chicken or fish over meat.
  12. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Ah, the mood swings. I've gone from feeling great to having the urge to destroy something. Right now I'm at peace again.

    True, thanks. We both seem to be doing well right now, so let's keep it up.
    The hunger has lessened during the last two days. Not to say that it's gone, but I'm no longer starving. I actually bought a few apples today with the idea to have them for snacks.

    I've been going to bed very early the last week, due to the switch to winter time. Often I've been asleep by 9, which is normal until I adjust properly. Last night I was hit by the first major PMO urge. I decided to go to bed instead which helped. Lying in bed while reading seems to bring them out sometimes, so instead I will sit in my chair from now on.

    Well, there's nothing else to tell. The next few weekends are going to be busy, which is good.
  13. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    The winter time is a bummer. The night falls so early... There will be another spring and summer. Our challenge is to experience them as new men.
  14. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Yes, the next spring and summer will be the best of our lives! Full of joy and romance :)
  15. me_vs_p

    me_vs_p Guest

    the winter is my summer 8) I love rain and grey weather and dark clouds. I think it's PMO related as well. because of my social anxiety I feel more relaxed when there are less people outside. that's why I love the winter/autumn. I hope that a PMO free life style can make me enjoy the spring/summer again. cheers!
  16. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    PMO may be the reason I dislike winter. I never minded it as a kid, but then it just became a huge bother. Freezing cold, snow, slippery roads, and not much daylight. Last winter I remember not minding it as much, possibly thanks to the more positive mindset that I had gained. That being said, 5-6 months of snow still gets to me. I love green leaves and landscapes, so spring and summer are always going to be my favourite seasons.

    One thing I've been pondering for quite a while is the relation between memories and PMO. Lots of people seem to be able to tell tales of things that happened over 40 years ago. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember that much from my childhood and teenage years. Hell, even twenties. Of what I do remember, most of it is related to negative feelings such as fear and disappointment. Thus I wonder if PMO has brainwashed me and erased many precious memories, or rather, hindered me from recording them in the first place. It could be that I simply have bad memory, but would it have been this bad if I hadn't been addicted?
  17. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    The addiction brings brain fog, so it is reasonable to assume it affects memory as well. I remember experiencing mental clarity quite suddenly somewhere between 80-90 days. But I don't know if I was able to access more memories. I do know that before I used to have a great memory, and nowadays I have to write everything down, or else it's gone in a couple of days... I think the negative effects of the addiction are greater than those that are normally listed.

    Winter is still a good time for rebooting. The coldness and the darkness make the addiction more easy to tame, as the summer hormones are not raging. But they will again, so let's be ready!
  18. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    At war with the world. I'm not going to post anything until these feelings wear off lest I make someone upset.
  19. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    I wish you strength in weathering this out. Direct those feelings at the real enemy, the addiction. I believe in you, you'll be able to abstain and face whatever is coming!
  20. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I have calmed down after a few days of rage. The kind of frustration I experienced is a known trigger to me, but this time I was prepared and I can call it a victory. I'm not exactly euphoric now, but at least I no longer feel like punching the next person I meet on the street in the face.

    There's not much to say besides the extreme mood swings. I still wake up almost every night, having to visit the bathroom. When I wake up, it's usually with... well, wood, since the mornings are still hours away. With that in mind, I suspect that an NE isn't far away since I have passed 1 month of no PMO (I tend to have my first NE about 30 days in).

    I will try to comment on some journals tomorrow, but I have a busy weekend ahead of me. The less time I spend online, the better, though. For over a week, I've not turned on the computer in the mornings before work. Small steps.

    Ah, by the way, three weeks with no snacks. I still have cravings, though. Especially when I'm hungry, which is often now that I'm attempting the new diet. It's getting better, however. The smaller portions keep me full longer and longer. I hope I will associate hunger with food and not snacks soon.

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