The revolving door.

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Doper, Mar 11, 2018.

  1. Doper

    Doper Member

    5 and a half years ago I found out about PIED, from this forum. At that time I sure as shit wouldn't have believed you that by 2018 I would have cured myself of it and then went back to porn (and ed) again maybe 3 or 4 times.
    I'm not sure what I'm doing with this journal here, probably just going to ramble:

    I'm pretty certain a lot people are immune to PIED, because if everyone could get it as fast as I can there wouldn't be too many functioning dicks around. This last time I went from from pretty good (not totally cured) function to totally f'd in about 3-4 months (hour a day average). And when you stop jerking it/watching porn, your ED and morning woods (lack thereof) gets even worse. So there is a false sense that things aren't really as bad as you think when you are still in the habit.
    So this time I will be curing myself for good for all the obvious reasons but also this time I fully realize there is no other option. dabbling doesn't work. The speed at which I can acquire PIED was not fully realized before this last time.
    The first time I rebooted, I REALLY cured myself. These guys that talk about it taking years to fully cure yourself are right in a way. I went from aug 2012 to about march 2013 half assing it, and I had BAD ED. In that time I would relapse once a week on average but only watch porn for a few seconds and then just MO. but in that time I did get a lot better. Probably good enough. But then for reasons I won't get into(maybe later), I went about a year and a half full no arousal mode. And I sure was cured after that.
    I used to think all these guys taking about their "superpowers" from not jerkingit/porn was nonsense. And still do in the way that a week of no PMO isn't giving you shit but placebo. But there definitely is a major difference between the way you feel in general as a receptor fried edging maniac and someone who's brain is 100% cured.
    You don't notice the difference as you are getting better like you do after you've rebooted and go back to porn and LOOSE the good feeling. That's what I call it. The good feeling. The opposite being the dead inside feeling. and you don't get the dead feeling until you are quite a ways down the rabbit hole. Loosing the good feeling happens much faster. Indeed in my experience when you start loosing your good feeling, morning wood, overall erectile function. It happens very fast. Everything seems to go to hell within days or weeks after seeming fine. You notice many things that a person that has no idea about PIED or the symptoms would.

    Another thing that I would scream at the top of my lungs at anyone that is still partaking, is that depending on how bad you have let your situation get, the time it takes to get better goes up exponentially. I've noticed this a few times. Maybe 4 months ago I noticed the morning wood getting a little iffy, so I stopped watching porn with a relapse to pictures maybe once a week or two for several weeks. I rapidly got better. I found it took a couple days after relapse to regenerate the morning woods. But then I started messing around and looking at dating sites while touching myself for long periods of time, and things got really bad. I havent watched porn, and only looked at dating sites a few times since January 28th. And my erectile function, morning woods have not gotten better in that timeframe. I've been in a total flatline since then. Whereas if I would have stopped just a couple months before that, I'm sure I would be in pretty good shape. This is an extremely important point I haven't seen mentioned.

    If this is your first time rebooting, please for your sanity's sake, just get it done and never go back, because I think people give it their all the first time around and it gets harder after the second, third etc time. Living your life in a perpetual cycle of abstinence and porn relapses is terrible, stupid, pathetic......in so many ways.
     
    occams_razor likes this.
  2. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    Interesting observations. I wish you all the best for your reboot. Kick your P habit once and for all and regain sexual health.
     
  3. Doper

    Doper Member

    @pete, Thanks man you too.

    SO for accountability sake I figured an update was in order. Since my original post I have been feeling about the same, no libido. Erections in the last couple months have improved slightly in that they will stick around instead of immediately going away. But still much to be desired. But I can't complain since the last post I've PMO'd (feels gross/pathetic writing that) a couple times. But not for very long which is key. My obvious main trigger is alcohol, whether during or the next day, I don't even have to be hungover at all it just does it to me for some reason. It's a problem, just like porn, I tell myself I won't do it but I always end up drinking. I have curtailed this a huge amount. For a couple years I was drinking 8-10 drinks every day, funnily enough for much of that it was never something that made me want porn. But somewhere along the way I must have formed a habit between the two. So for a while now I have been drinking once or twice a week, which I'd be quite happy with, but when you're trying to beat PIED in any reasonable timeframe, messing up once a week is not good enough. I have lost close to 50 pounds from not drinking though. A bit more I'll be good.
    I've tried to find an alternative to alcohol, but there is just nothing that fills the void, legal or not. I don't like weed or kratom, kava does nothing, phenibut does nothing. I'm sure there's something out there but most things that actually work are damaging.
    I've been in a pretty deep caloric deficit (at the least -1000 a day) for some time to lose weight, something I've been wondering is does the low calories cause your erections to suffer? It would make sense to my layman mind because you would inevitably have nutrient deficiencies, but I can't find anything on the net about it.
    When I messed up and watched some porn today, I wasn't really feeling it much, my dick wasn't even very hard. Maybe that's a good thing. I can get and maintain a good erection just from touch, which is really the one silver lining of my current reboot situation, because everything else is in the dumps function wise. Morning wood is even worse than when I started 2 months ago, no libido, dick doesn't react to fantasy/porn and goes away quick. It's strange.
    Every day I just can't believe I put myself back in this situation, knowing that it would eventually occur, and then only stopping once I knew for sure I was already fucked. lol.
    Anyway, hope everybody else is doing good.
     
  4. Doper

    Doper Member

    I've been messing up all week, every day. More combined than the last 2 months. Just looking at pictures for the most part, average 10-15 min a day. Didn't edge. Didn't nut. But lots of fantasizing.
    Not a big deal for most people, but again, when you're trying to cure PIED, you have to be PERFECT. Or close to.
    My problem is I'm on a computer most of the day and don't see that changing in the short term
    What would help me immensely is a porn blocker that actually can't be disabled within 10 seconds. This is what I need. I used K9 a year or so ago and it definitely helped in that I find when I mess up it is an instantaneous click-on-porn situation every time, and even if I know how to disable k9, that extra few seconds it would take makes a difference and I change my mind. But I just don't understand how they make products like this that can be disabled so easy by any 10 year old that cares to try, it's just silly. It would just take such a weight off my back if I knew there was no way I was getting a hit of that sweet sweet dopamine. ;)
     
  5. Guts

    Guts Member

    Hey Doper I have a question, was 6 months the longest you went on hardmode?
     
  6. Doper

    Doper Member

    Guts - It was a long time ago so kinda fuzzy but it had to be quite a lot longer than that, probably closer to a year and a half. I wasn't counting days or thinking about rebooting so can't give a sure answer. I don't think one has to go that long though.
    I just read your thread, you're definitely on the right path, great job. I also really gauge how things are by morning wood. When you get rock hard when your getting up and it sticks around even if you've been nutting a bunch, that's when you know you're basically homefree. That and you're erections locking in place and just sticking around, and random erections in public that you don't want. lol.
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2019
    Guts likes this.
  7. fappedoff

    fappedoff Member

    Just read your thread. I can relate to quite a bit of it. Especially the feeling of a revolving door. Thats how I feel about it right now in my life. Keep trying and keep failing having gone a couple of years with good streaks.
     

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