The Resurrection

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Rocketeer, Apr 24, 2012.

  1. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 11

    Ok so i am keeping up the testosterone boost and the results are mixed. I am feeling a surge of energy but there are some side effects that come with having the testosterone of an 18 year old kid again. This comes in the form of acne. Ha Ha I had a zit on my face throughout the week that I could have put a leash on it and given it a name due to its size. I am also noticing some acne forming around my nose which I haven't had since high school. Whatever doubts I had about this being "in my head" about increasing t-levels are laid to rest when I look in the mirror and see the face of a kid again. No biggie as I just use acne treatment and facial wash and everything is back to normal. Just be prepared guys as this can get a little nasty.

    Yesterday was nonstop laughing and having fun while I was working at Pizza Hut of all places. I am turning into a new person and can see the effects already. I live in the moment and don't worry about the future and I enjoy everything that comes my way. I am becoming an addict to success at this point. It is definetely overpowering the porn cravings which don't even really come up anymore. I can't let my guard down because two weeks was my breaking point in the past. After two weeks I wanted to believe everything was fine and I would slip up but not this time. I am going in for the kill.

    The big let down the past couple of days is that SOB flatline has come back and he hit me with his best stuff. I wake up in the morning with a wet noodle dick and want to cry. Just when I think I am going to have mornings with a raging pit bull growling at me I have a dead worm. Gotta love it! I don't let it get me down because I know that this part of the healing process. THe weird part is that I am not numb to the world. I was at work and the hottest ladies were coming in with their mammaries hanging out due to the heat wave coming through. There was this one lady who I wanted to drop down on a knee and ask her to marry me and then make babies on the make table right then and there. My brain knew it wanted her but my poor pee pee couldn't stand at position of attention to save its life. This is where the process stands at the moment: I recognize beauty but can't physically act on it. I am just biding my time because I am going to kick flat line right in her bitch face and then its game on!!! Wha ha ha ha!

    Anyway guys I am going to get my study on and see if I can't get a little smarter and maybe one day get a little richer. Take care guys and don't let anything get you down. The real tragedy of porn is not that you damage yourself. The real tragedy is that you deprive the world of your greatness!
     
  2. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Hey man. Great journal. I'm on the 40s right now and flatline came back so don't sweat that too much. This takes a while. You are somewhat in my age range so there is no telling how damaging porn was, patrticularly the tube sites.

    Good luck to you.
     
  3. darkknight3313

    darkknight3313 New Member

    Want to add, good insight regarding the media and pua community that plays off that. Truly damaging. We are training ourselves to focus on a woman's outside and how other people will view us. It's all about ego. Sickening.
     
  4. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 12 & 13

    There is nothing signifiant to report at this time. Day12 and 13 were pretty much the same as I experienced a light brain fog in the morning and mild anxiety that passed over after about an hour. The story for me were the cravings to look at porn that kept coming at me. This lasted for nearly 2 hours but they passed me over as well. I kept reminding myself that the brain does this to make you go back to your addiction and that it won't last forever. Sure enough the cravings passed me over and I have not looked back.

    I am still in the middle of some pretty depressing flat line at the moment. I wake up with a soggy dick and not urge to hump like a dog on a leg like I should be expecially at the age of 28. Before i discovered YBOP I would try to quit my addiction and often noticed that when I wasn't looking at porn I had no urge for sex. I believed that this was natural as you got older and your sex drive diminished. I now realize how wrong I was about that. The difference in between the sex drive of an 18 year old and an 80 year old is comparable to a hair line finish at a racing event. THe slack off is nearly unidentifiable. I was just so sedated on porn I couldn't get it up for anything real. I am noticing my libido slightly recovering and I remind myself that this just takes time. I can't expect miracles in two weeks when I have spent the past 16 years destroying my brain.

    I am ready to take the next step in fighting addiction and that is an experimental juice fast. I have read some interesting things onine about it and want to try it for at least one week and see how I feel. I will post the results and let everyone know if there are any benefits to abstaining from food for seven days.
     
  5. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 14

    Today was the first day of this juice fast. The reason I am on this for the next week is because I have heard of the healing effects of body detoxification and am hoping this can help with the reboot process. I use to joke around with friends about what you would do if your dick and nuts were cut off and most men agree they would simply kill themselves. This makes sense as we are sexual beings and there is almost no point in living this feature. Well when I have zero libido I feel like a man without his nuts. I just want to shrivel up and die.

    I am going to write a song remix entitled "All I Want For Christmas is Some Morning Wood." I think it will be an international hit as an alarming amount of men have porn issues.

    I am still on the testosterone boost and cold showers and this makes things a little awkward. I feel a huge amount of T in me as well as heightened confidence and life is worth living again. However, the last thing to heal seems to be my libido especially with real women. This comes from the brain damage that I have put on myself over the years. I guess the body heals a lot quicker than the mind does. Oh well, I got nothing but time. I have pissed away 16 years of my life with this porn crap and it is not going to happen again.

    Well here is to another day down and one more day closer to freedom. The funny thing is that I have been alive for 28 years and have no clue who I am. I started using porn before puberty and a man really develops beginning with adolescence. In essence I have been masking my true self and am looking forward to seeing who I really am and what I am truly capable of accomplishing in this life. I am sure many others here feel the same!
     
  6. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 15-18

    The point is starting to come when I wake up and feel like I could bitch slap the world just because. This entire sex energy is no joke and almost to the point of being painful to control but well worth the effort. The biggest benefit is the peace of mind that comes with the abstinence from PMO. I use to be full of anxiety and a nervice wreck but now I just take things as they come and enjoy being in the moment.

    The only challenge at this point is controlling the urges that appear at the most random moments and make me want to relapse. I just remind myself that this is my brain trying to play tricks on me to make me fall again. They pass over in a few minutes and are an afterthought. The best thing I have done for myself to fight this off is to take the internet out of my house. I realize that I am an addict and need to take the means of relapse away from me. I am not sure if I can ever have it again in my house but with ever place in the world offering free wi fi I think I will enjoy this one less bill due at the end of each month.

    Now the story during these past few days has been a second wet dream a couple of days ago. This is the second one in two weeks which is extremely fast for me. I have gone on PMO free streaks of nearly 30-40 days and never had one. Having two this quick made me revert back to looking at the write ups on the testosterone boost program and realize that this is normal. When you load your gun up quicker you need to discharge the excess rounds just as fast. I was worried this loss of sexual energy would leave me less energized but it's the exact opposite. My body seems to be like a tank just rolling over obstacles and rebooting like a damn machine.

    Pheromones seem to be real and not just with attracting females but also with dealing with other males. Whatever effect they have on attraction they appear to have the same for intimditation. I can walk through the mall or wherever and make eye contact with men and most of the time their eyes shoot straight to the floor. This is a sign of submission so appearantly high T levels work both ways. I kinda enjoy this power aura I am giving off.

    Yesterday was a first in a long long time and that was getting hard ons when I would see actual real 3-D women. I haven't looked at a woman and gotten excited in no telling how long. This was almost surreal and it felt so incredibly amazing. I was like a kid in a candy store for the rest of the day checking out women and being a dirty pervert because I finally felt something come alive "down there." Not to say that I am the weird guy with my tongue hanging out and drooling at every skirt but I figured just let myself go for one day and enjoy this major victory. Now it's business as usual and I try to be respectful towards women. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it exhilerating to have this back in my life though.

    With all of the good news I have to come clean and admit that I have gave in after one day on the juice fast. The Pizza Hut Cheesy Bite Pizza was calling my name and got the best of me. Oh well worse has happened and life goes on.

    I find this entire reboot process to be one amazing adventure and finding out who the real me is after being masked for over a decade behind the evil of pornography. I thank God for giving me the strength to overcome this obstacle one day at a time. There is no telling how much better things are going to get as the weeks keep rolling and rolling!
     
  7. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 19-22

    I relapsed and on day 20 and it was the best experience of my life. I was home alone with some unguarded internet and the rest is history. So why was this the greatest experience of my life? I had no lasting pleasure from looking at online videos which is something I have never been able to overcome. I think once you hit a certain point of momentum you are like a train that is impossible to stop. I look at women in the real world and I find joy in real 3-D shapes that those videos just can't offer.

    In the past if I relapsed I would go at it 4-5 times and send myself back to day 1. This was an isolated incident and I have not looked back just realized it was a minor mistake and moved forward. I have had no side effects of porn withdrawal since then and just tell myself it's not that big of a deal. Life goes on and so does my mission.

    The showers and testosterone boost are still in full effect and I have the acne to prove the testosterone boost. I find it amusing and its part of my healing supplements. Other than that I am taking it one day at a time and loving life like I have not been able to do in the past. I have evaluated where my weaknesses are and where I am at heightened risk to relapse and have taken corrective action. I ask God for the strength to persevere and I know it's a matter of time until I recover all the way.

    Should anyone relapse I highly encourage you not to despair and start binging again. This will erase many of your gains and leave you in a world of unneccessary guilt. Isolated incidents are not the end of the world and when you get up the next morning it's almost like it never happened so don't despair.
     
  8. P4yn3

    P4yn3 New Member

    I'm interested in the pheromonal aspect, are you sure this is not a placebo?
     

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