The Resurrection

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Rocketeer, Apr 24, 2012.

  1. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Ladies and Gentlemen,

    I have made the decision to take the 180 day challenge and record every event and emotion that comes my way. This will be a no holds barred journal detailing the very events in life that have led me to this addiction and every tactic I am using to overcome it. There is no "try" or "give it my best" as this seems to be the loser mentality that has kept me from never making it more than three weeks. Men, we were put on this earth to achieve, love, and live every day embracing the beauty of this world. Two minutes of pleasure is a f"cking insult to the beauty of who we are. Do you want to lie on your deathbed and know you were addicted for 70 years because this can become reality unless we take action. I would rather die and lose my life than lead a life enslaved to an addiction; a pornography addiction at that.

    My addiction and story go back to the time that I was twelve years old (I am 28 by the way). I was an unpopular kid who was treated more like a neighborhood stray dog and never really had any close friends growing up (you can see exactly where this is going). When I was twelve one of my only friends introduced me to porn with Penthouse pics he had cut out from his brother's magazine. I was immediately hooked to the visual delights and the crappy 70s porn VHS that I saw that night as well. Instead of being out with friends and learning to flirt with women as men in the last century did I would scour the internet on dial up looking for my next "hit." This went on until about the age of nineteen when I got my first computer and high speed cable connection. THis is when things escalated out of control and I could masturbate a dozen times a day. The tube sites were the absolute worse because I could edge for six hours straight if it were needed. I was a depressed, couch dwelling loser with no social interactions or ladies in my life. I would look at porn, enjoy the rush, and then contemplate throwing myself from my apartment balcony. Every night I asked God to not let me look at porn again but the next morning all I could think about was that next "hit." I refuse to live like this anymore.

    The master mason does not build masterpieces by taking glue and gluing more and more stone onto his creation until it is a masterpiece. He creates his art by stripping away all the excess until he has something beautiful right before him. Gentlemen, this is exactly what we need in our lives. We are perfect in our own flesh and need to get rid of the limiting beliefs and bullshit that clutter our minds. Get rid of the porn and get rid of the false beliefs that marketing and consumerism have fed us. We are raised to believe that sex is the holy idol of life and that we need to buy everything and use every product available or we will never be able to get laid. There is an entire PUA movement selling men false hopes and dreams. This is because the power to seduce and be happy in life is already planted inside us by our maker. We just have to ignore the distractions and look in the mirror and say, "You are perfect the way you are." The time has come for us to take back power and live in the moment.

    I am currently reading "Beyond Belief" which is the story of Josh Hamilton. I am not a baseball fan so I am not familiar with his story but reading it is truly remarkable. He had the entire world in his hands but squandered it with cocaine. The triumph is not that he fell but that he overcame his addiction and is playing the game again. This has inspired me to overcome this addiction.

    My strategy is simple: no internet media in my apartment. I cancelled my internet and use the coffee shop when I need to get online. My Blackberry has been my worse enemy so it is not allowed in my apartment. I leave it at my parents house about ten miles away and pick it up on the way to school. I know this sounds extreme but I have never gotten "that call" which changed my life in 28 years so I am not expecting it now. If I miss a call they can leave it on voice mail. Internet filters do not work for me as I find ways around them. Addiction always starts the same way: we are tempted, we tell ourselves we can handle it, and then we cave and log onto the computer. I have been down this road countless times and it always ends the same way. You are not going to have internet in your house and think your "iron will" will keep you free of this sin. This only leads to more frustration and pain.

    Well enough about my background. I will post every days events and what I am doing different in life and will tell you how it all feels 180 days from now. I wish each of you the best and don't ever tell yourseld you can't do this. Make the decision now and embrace the pain of withdrawal and know that pain is weakness leaving the body. Take care!
     
  2. itsallforher

    itsallforher New Member

    Hi Rocketeer,

    Welcome to the forum and good luck on your journey. With the right mindset, you can conquer this addiction and be a better person in every way for it.

    I do understand internet filters don't work well for you, but they will still help you on the path to healing. My suggestion is to set up an OpenDNS, set up the filters correctly, then create a password you won't be able to remember and either hide it away somewhere or throw it away altogether. Then once that is done, set up K9, use it for a few days to make sure it isnt filtering normal sites you use, then toss away the password for that as well. This will at least put up a roadblock in the path to relapse.

    The reality is if you're trying to find a way around an internet filter, you're already in relapse so the lack of an internet filter will just make that easier.
     
  3. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 1

    Day 1 went extremely well and has led to a great Day 2. Setting yourself up for success each and every day makes the next day easier. I awoke in the morning where much of my troubles begin due to the bed and desire to masturbate at that time. I have changed my routine and am using the ice bath tactic twice a day to overcome this desire. The process is very simple: the night before I fill the tub and have the ice trays freezing. I set the alarm for 5 in the morning to go work out and ensure the alarm clock is about five feet from the bed to force me to get up in order to turn the alarm off. I grab the ice trays and throw the ice into the already cold bath. From there just jump in and enjoy the rush. I am serious, forget PMO if you want to feel an endorphin rush from hell jump into an ice bath for ten minutes and when you arise you feel like you have a 9 inch dick even though its really crawled 9 inches into your abdomen.

    I am trying a new routine to break old habits and this includes the testosterone boost that I read from the 4 hr body by Tim Ferris. This includes two ten minute ice baths immediately after waking and one before going to bed. You have to eat three Brazil nuts upon waking and before going to sleep and do the same with Blue Ice royal butter fat/fermented cod liver oil (2 pills) along with Vitamin D-3. For further clarification on the process look it up on google and you get all the details. All I can say is wow! Upon waking on day 2 I had morning wood which usually never happens and my outlook is already better. I am usually suffering from depression and ED but this process is doing wonders already. I will keep everyone posted about how far this goes.

    The temptatation to look at porn is non existent because I cancelled my internet and no longer have a smart phone which is the best thing that I can do for my mental health. Fantasies seem to come up at random moments but I am quick to avoid indulging in them. One thing you learn in rehab is if you ponder a thought for longer than eight seconds it has the potential to become action. I also am having to avoid "checking women out" because this is in conflict with the dopamine recovery. Other than that this is not as bad as I thought it would be.

    My diet seems to be my biggest enemy when I would make attempts to try and quit before. I would try and quit but still enjoy sugary foods which aren't good for a sound mind and body. You truly are what you eat. I gave up the coffee I usually start the day with and indulged in gree tea. I also didn't gorge myself with sugary foods and ate white, unfried meat. One day of a healthy diet is hard to give accurate results but I do admit there is already some noticeable improvement.

    The obstacle of the day that most concerned me is the sleeping insomnia that always comes with not looking at porn. My mind will not allow me to rest when it is withdrawing and this always starts on the first day. Well one of the health benefits of the ice bath (they are countless) is that it encourages a great night of sleep. I slept like a baby throughout the entire night and this is unheard of when I am giving up porn. The first day was a breeze and it only takes a few tiny changes in routine to make huge results.

    I am not going to force religion or spirituality on anyone but if you are of a Christian mindset it is imperative that you surrender to Jesus Christ and ask Him to give you strength to overcome this hurdle. Addictions can be plain nasty and when you fall into the trap it is hard to escape. Turning to God for help greatly eases the burden and makes this huge mountain turn into a small ant hill that I know I can crush.

    I will post day 2 results tomorrow and let everyone know how things go. Take care everyone and don't ever stop swinging.
     
  4. Onanymous

    Onanymous Living in the real world now

    Nice, Rocketeer. It seems like you are setting yourself up well -- with physical barriers, a good mental outlook and a solid plan for good health.

    I was very influenced by the 4 Hour Body also. I instituted a lot of good habits in January 2011 that I have kept to this day, including the slow-carb diet.

    But I only tried one ice bath. Damn, that was harsh. I totally admire you for doing three (!) ice baths a day. A great way to let your brain know that you are changing your patterns.

    I do eat brazil nuts and blue ice cod liver oil. And eating grass-fed beef or eggs in the evening does feel like it gives me a t-boost the next day. To think that until now, all I was doing was fueling a PMO habit. There are better things to do with testosterone...
     
  5. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Nah man the ice baths are the best part of the day. I recommend turning up the stereo really loud and concentrating on the rush you get when the ten minutes are up. When the bath is done you know you just did something 99% all other men are too soft to do. Which is really what this website is about: conquering an addiction that 99% of men are too afraid to confront.
     
  6. Onanymous

    Onanymous Living in the real world now

    Damn straight. You are the man.
     
  7. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 3,4,5

    The routine has stayed the same and I am staying busy as possible with school and work. As of right now I am having a clarity of mind that I have not felt in the longest time. I am happy being in the moment and not worrying about "will this work this time" because I am conditioning myself to believe that I can do this through the mercy of Jesus Christ.

    Summertime is upon us and the girls here love to wear next to nothing as soon as the wether gets warm. THis presents a real challenge because men really like looking at women. When you are rebooting you have to deny yourself this luxury because the brain is trying to recover from too much simulation to begin with. The best thing I do for myself is when temptation is presented just think about how it's going to be once my head works proper again and I can actually be turned on by real, 3-D women.

    I was in danger of relapsing recently and it was not from some internet advertisement or porn email but from Wal-Mart. I was walking through picking up some food and had to pass through the magazine section. The experience was like staring at a wall full of T&A. Every woman's magazine has near naked women on them as well as the men's magazines. Hell the business section had cleavage all over the place. I had to turn my head and walk away. I am not sure if anyone else feels this way but I was pissed at what I saw. I had one of those epiphanies where I realized that society thinks that we (men) are mindless animals that can be hypnotized by naked women and turned into mindless idiots. I am sick and tired of being treated like some dumb ass monkey for advertisement and consumerism to take advantage of. This really reinforced my desire to break free from this porn addiction. No telling how many men are addicted but are told that it's perfectly normal because that's all men want. Kiss my ass because we are not here to be slaves to primitive instincts. We are better than this.

    The hard part of these past few days is that I have entered flatline. This is where life becomes numb because without a libido you feel like a wet noodle. I know this too shall pass and it's not about a simple passing of time until it happens but a process of dedicating yourself every day to doing the right thing. By reading previous posts the ones who seem to get morning wood the quickest are those who are the most strict with controlling their urges. The guys who remain flatline for six months are the ones still staring at every ass that passes their way, masturbating, and still eating unhealthy diets without exercise. THis is like anything else in life where you will get out of it what you put into it.

    Well that is what has happened the past few days. I will update as more discoveries and experieces are gained.
     
  8. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 6 & 7

    I could not get an erection if Ms USA got naked and gave me a lap dance right now. This is complete loss of libido and boy does this suck. I feel like someone already cut my nuts off because I cannot function right to save my life. I am sure if I put on some 2-D trash from a streaming website I would jump up and down like a monkey getting a banana. I guess this is how bad things have gotten. Pain is progress so this is just a step on the way to normality whenever that might happen. Patience is a virture and this entire reboot happens piece by piece and not leap and bound like I would prefer it to.

    The brain fog is terrible today and so is the anxiety of human interactions. As I sit in the starbucks I dread someone trying to talk to me because I am speaking in stutters and broken syllables. Ever seen leaving Las Vegas? The interactions are like when Nicholas Cage walks into the bank dead sober and can't function properly to save his life. Only after he drowns himself in liquor can he go out in public. Albeit he is dead to the world at that point. This is how I feel at the given moment. My memory can't work for crap and I have finals I am studying for so this is the worse time for my body to feel like having withdrawals.

    I am going to try and get through the rest of this day and hope no one tries to talk to me or I might run and crawl under a rock from terror. Social anxiety is an understatement right now but this to shall pass. I will let you know how it feels once that happens.
     
  9. Onanymous

    Onanymous Living in the real world now

    This sounds like typical flatlining to me, which I think is good -- you're flatlining relatively early in the reboot. I'm Day 15 and still no flatline.

    Stick it out. The symptoms will pass.
     
  10. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    DAY 8

    Man day 8 was interesting to say the least because I didn't have school or work and had to stay in and study all day. I did spend some time at the library and the local starbucks but overall it was an idle day. When this happens I have cravings from hell that keep attacking me. On the busy days a thought comes in and I can delete it from my mind in an instant and the temptations come very rarely. Yesterday they were coming at me left and right like a swarm of flies trying to envelop me. I just kept telling myself, "this too shall pass" and as the day wore on the temptation went away.

    I am noticing this trend that when the cravings come on I become extremely anxious about everything. I see my phone flashing when I have not received a message. I see things moving around me when nothing is happening. I am not talking some crazy drug hallucinations just a very sensitive nervous system. Imagine drinking 12 cups of coffee and then someone sneaking up behind you. You would probably go bat crap crazy because the nerves are in overdrive. THat is how I felt yesterday because I needed a "fix" and was not getting it. THe great thing is that at the end of the day you feel like you conquered a mountain and your dick just grew and additional two inches.

    I mentioned that i am doing the testosterone boost that I read in the four hour body and I think it is helping with the recovery. I can feel some crazy gains in the gym and I want to rip the head off of everything that gets in my way. THe fact that I have a "loaded chamber" from no PMO also helps I am sure. The weirdest thing was happening though because women were trying to flirt with me and I was getting eye raped throughout the day. THis might be my imagination but this testosterone and heightened pheromone thing seems to be the real deal. THe pleasure of getting attention from real women helps to suppress the temptation to get online and see some crappy sex acting.

    Well I will update tomorrow and let you know how day nine goes. I am showing no chance of relapsing as of yet in spite of temptation so let this train keep rolling!
     
  11. Onanymous

    Onanymous Living in the real world now

    Yep, one thing that real life can give you that porn can't is that feeling you get when a woman unquestionably wants you.

    What Ferris describes in 4HB is definitely very real -- women will react to your testosterone, especially if they are ovulating. Their arousal is also a good sign of compatibility. When a woman has DNA that is too similar to a man, even one she sees as objectively attractive, she gets a "he's like a brother" feeling from his pheromones, according to studies done by having women smell the shirts of different men.

    One thing to try: Shower, then work out, then let your sweat air dry on you, then dress and go out. Provided you were fully clean when you worked out and you're not eating strange and pungent foods or supplements, you shouldn't stink -- stink is the smell of stale sweat and bacteria. But you will maximize your emission of the substances that make women dizzy.

    Apparently synthetic pheromones can also work for some men, but if you're healthy and working out you can easily make your own. A much better practice than masking your natural scent with deodorizing chemicals, then putting a fake odor on top of that. Women evolved to get turned on by healthy men -- no need to get all Rube Goldberg with this simple attraction switch. Just clean, sweat, air-dry and go.

    I once did this and then walked through an airport terminal wearing a tight T-shirt. It was just ridiculous how women's heads turned. (An airport is a good place to see people letting their guard down.) In the rest room, I even had a dude enter the stall next to me and tap his foot at me, which I only found out later was a gay cruising signal.

    Some baking soda in the armpits is a way to supplement this technique if you are going to a hot and stuffy place for hours. That way you won't build up stale bacteria that can smell foul after a while in a part of your body that is very hard to keep dry -- but you will still have that great coating of salty pheromone all over the skin on your body that does stay dry.
     
  12. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    That is interesting about the entire sweat and shower thing. I am in biology right now and we are discussing the effects of pheromones on human influence and behavior. Contrary to what the skeptics say appearantly biology has proven that they are real and have a real effect on humans. This extends beyond just potential mates but also on other males as well. I am never one for trying to have a staring contest with other men but I am looking men in the eyes when randomly walking and the first thing that I am noticing is that they immediately look at the floor. This is a sign of submission to a superior being when your eyes shoot to the floor. I am sure you have noticed this with women as well who find you attractive.

    Speaking of being found attractive; I am sorry about the bathroom incidence as that must have been awkward as hell but by now I am sure you just look back on it and laugh your ass off.

    I have never tried the sweat thing before so I am giving it a shot today. This morning I took a cold shower and did the full body wash as if I were about to start the day. Next, I went to the gym and had a vicious leg workout that gets the hormones raging. I did take another shower after my workout however this was a hasty wash. I couldn't quite man up and just let the sweat stick so I took a tiny amount of bodywash, the same you would use to wash your hands. I applied and rinsed and put on minimal deoderant after drying. I normally put on cologne, body spray, and shaving moisterizer which I abstained from today.

    As I write this post I am chilling in Starbucks and the first thing I am noticing is that I feel cleaner without all of those chemicals running lose on me and clogging my pores. I may never go back to wearing that crap again. Second, I am definetely catching some attention from the ladies in here which come in the forms of glances and even blatant stares. This feels really good to be honest with you and will continue trying this. Thanks for the tip!
     
  13. osiris

    osiris New Member

    Rocketeer,

    I enjoy reading your journal & your approach is very interesting. Usually giving up PMO prompts certain changes in other areas but the changes you've mentioned are quite novel. Funny you mentioned Tim Ferris, I did some research (youtube) & realised I had already seem one of his TED talks on language acquisition/swimming etc. The 4-hour body looks interesting too & I'm gonna order a copy as I'm quite active. Strangely the cold baths thing struck a chord with me, I used to take cold showers every morning because it made me feel more alert - don't remember why I stopped but I'm gonna jump back on this right away.

    Also I can relate to brain fog & gains in the gym as side-effects. My solution to brain-fog was to simply wait & reserve important decisions for periods of lucidity. The gains in the gym too - before finding YBOP I did a 1 month reboot (for the sake of it) and had a consistent gym regimen, I was adding Kgs to my lifts & taking minutes off my runs on a weekly basis. Brain-fog & flatlining (of mood) did overlap into my training but I just plundered on & stayed patient.

    Respect for the 9 days & keep on.
     
  14. liveinthenow

    liveinthenow New Member

    Dude, RESPECT. Your determination is an inspiration and your comprehensive planning is porn for the rational mind. Race you to day 100!! I'll be on day 9 tomorrow so if you blink .... ;)

    See you at the finish line!
     
  15. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Day 9 & 10

    So first let me say that the challenge to day 100 is on, baby!!! In all seriousness I look forward to the day when we look at day 100 and laugh and how silly porn addiction was. Just being clean for 11 days is having drastic effects on my outlook on life.

    So I had my first wet dream on day 10 and this was odd because in the past I could go an entire month without having one. I got off the porn addict info sites and went to bodybuilding.com and looked at their forum on testosterone increase. Sure enough the cold shower came up and there is an entire "movement", if you will, of men experiencing the same thing. They tend to average one week before wet dreams which is undoubtedly due to the massive increase in sperm that stem from the cold rush. This is why men who have their laptops on their crutch the entire day tend to suffer from low sperm count. THe scrotum hands external from the body because sperm need to be cooler than the body's core.

    This dream was different though then the ones that I had experienced in the past. During previous failed reboot attempts I would have dreams and they would be of me jerking of to porn. This time it was totally different. I remember this girl from my past who gave the most amazing head known to man. Well she was in my dream and the rest is history. I woke up actually pumped that my fantasies are starting to become centered on real women and not 2-D images. THe real kicker was that I expected to not have as much enthusiasm for the day due to orgasm at night but it was quite the opposite. I guess when the body has to automatically flush the pipes it sends off signals that there is excess pressure in the chamber.

    I am getting to the point where brain fog is not a real issue and I have finals this coming week. I studied for a couple of hours yesterday and my short term memory has never been sharper. Research has been done suggesting that masturbation can reduce the efficiency in short term memory which I can attest to that. Before I would stare at paper for five hours straight and hope that something would stick to my brain. Now my brain gets its jollies from studying.

    So the results from the pheromones and no shower thing are kind of mixed. First, I felt kinda gross for not lathering down after my workout like I usually do. I deliver pizzas and its starting to get warm outside down south and the running around had me sweating even more by midafternoon. I felt fairly unsexy and did not try to test out my pheromone secretion on any women due to my own personal insecurity. However, I was shafted on the deliveries with old men and women so there was really nothing to try this theory out on. I am quite happy being eye raped when I take a normal shower and I don't want to get too greedy out there.

    As of right now I have no interest in looking at porn but an insatiabe desire to be around women. I haven't felt like this ever because I started looking at porn before puberty so my brain was hijacked from the word go. I am bound by the constraints of time so school and women don't mix well for me as I am a highly focused person. I am taking this life enthusiasmm and dedicating it into the classroom. I have a 4.0 which I never was able to do in high school and this has caused me to adopt a new mantra: Disregard females; acquire currency. I was watching scarface and Al Pacino said it best: "First you get the money, then you get the power, and then you get the women." I never had real problems with the ladies but why waste time chasing them when they chase you. Men were born to achieve and this is what women look for in their men. I think this is why somone as ugly as Donald Trump can pull 10s like it is cool.

    Anyway, this is day 11 and I will post the results in the next few days. I woke up this morning feeling like I could bench press the world. I wonder if this is how Tebow feels because the man has never had sex and doesn't masturbate. This might explain how Superman was made: He wasn't from Krypton; he was just a mortal man from earth that never jerked off. Take care guys!
     
  16. liveinthenow

    liveinthenow New Member

    You betcha!!

    Tell me more about the "brain fog" experience you've had. I sense I'm really getting hit hard by it this time.
     
  17. Journey

    Journey New Member

    Great journal Rocketeer, I love how incredibly pro active you've been.

    Just a question, do cold showers increase testosterone? What if you've been in a hot sauna or steam room first?

    I ask because after I've gone to the sauna and had cold showers afterwards, I seem to be hornier. I've noted the libido boost so I can avoid triggers at that time, but I didn't know why.

    I use the sauna + cold shower combo because this boosts your immune system and circulatory system, but itd be cool if I was jacking up my testosterone as well :)
     
  18. DaVinci

    DaVinci New Member

    Hey Rocketeer, you're doing well! I'm glad to see you started a journal, I found out that that's what I really needed to keep myself from giving up.

    I'm surprised and glad to see your concentration is better. I've only been improving slowly in that area, I actually had to do well this semester and finals were a biiiiitch!

    Just wait until your 10 days turn into 30 and 30 into 60 etc. You will be feeling great man! Keep it up!
     
  19. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Journey,

    Here is the write up from the art of manliness. I am not sure about the sauna then cold shower approach but ice cold water seems to do the trick when raising libido and testosterone.

    http://artofmanliness.com/2010/01/18/the-james-bond-shower-a-shot-of-cold-water-for-health-and-vitality/

    Peace!
     
  20. Rocketeer

    Rocketeer New Member

    Line In the Now,

    Hey man I only noticed that the brain fog lasted through the first week then it completely went away. Now my brain is the complete opposite and soaks up everything like a sponge. I am sure you know how the brain fog feels so I won't dwell on that however I know that it can be frustrating because you don't feel like a conscious human.

    The best cure for brain fog is to lift weight and do intense cardio. This got me through these symptoms in a hurry. I work out five times a week doing heavy weight training and the endorphin rush when you get done is almost like sex. If you are able to one of the best things is to get on the treadmill and run until your legs are about to fall off. The pain on the treadmill is minute compared to the benefis that you get for clearing up brain fog. Let me know if there is anything else I can help you with!
     

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