The resurrection of my erection by Man aged 34 and a half

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by ErectusRepairo, Feb 9, 2017.

  1. Hey everyone

    New thread just to track my progress somewhere. I'll try not to get too long boring.

    A bit about me, I'm a 34 year old married man from England. I'm a foster carer so have the days to myself at home, which is part of the problem.

    My story seems to be a bit different from most guys here as I've always been honest with my wife about my porn use and masturbation to it. Admittedly I held back the details of changing sexual tastes (which had got pretty extreme towards the end) but I had never brought that into the bedroom so I'll probably keep that to myself forever :/

    I told my wife about the extent of my porn habit yesterday evening. I wanted to get it right and be clear from the beginning so I wrote a letter:

    I love you, no need to worry too much, just read [​IMG]

    I need to tell you about pornography.

    Rather than going into detail straight away, here is some information about:

    PIED - Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction

    Many porn users report that delayed ejaculation (difficulty climaxing during partnered sex) was a precursor to their erectile dysfunction. Years of porn use can cause a variety of symptoms, which when examined, lie on a spectrum. It's likely that a combination of fast and hard masturbation methods, desensitisation of the reward circuitry and sensitised addiction pathways are behind these various symptoms, which include:

    Losing erection while attempting penetration
    Difficulty reaching climax with a partner
    Decreasing sensitivity of penis
    Declining sexual arousal with sexual partner(s)
    Changing sexual preferences
    Can't ejaculate (or perhaps maintain erection) with oral sex or intercourse
    Masturbating without porn is “unsatisfying,” or difficult
    Little or no stimulation from penetrative sex
    Needing to fantasize to maintain erection


    Sounds familiar doesn’t it [​IMG]

    Just to put this into context (and it’s not something I’ve ever denied) I’ve had access to high speed internet since I was about 14 so that’s 20 years of porn and sexualised imagery/literature whenever I wanted it.

    Pretty much every day of my life I’d find time to masturbate and most of the time I would use porn to make it quicker. If I was bored, if I was happy, if I was sad, I’d “just have a quick wank”
    I didn’t even think it was unusual because all my friends do it too, the internet says that’s what all guys do.

    I hear people talk about smoking and they say things like “I smoke because it de-stresses me” I always listened to that argument and laughed because I understood they were only stressed in the first place because of withdrawal from the nicotine.
    I have the exact same feeling when I don’t masturbate, a stressed urge to watch some porn and get off.

    The other day when I came home from the football and you were upstairs laying on the bed in sexy underwear I was SO happy, but at the same time my heart sank as the expectation of performance sunk in. I hadn’t taken a pill to guarantee an erection and I knew immediately that I was going to have problems. I love being naked with you, kissing, touching and having sex more than anything but that wasn’t enough for my body to react the way it should when someone as beautiful as you is naked in front of them. I put a brave face on it, like I always do, and put it on-hold in the back of my mind.

    The next day I brought it back to the front and assessed my feelings, thought back and asked myself “when was the last time I orgasmed during sex” the answer, as best I can remember it, is 2 years ago on the cruise. This obviously isn’t normal so I started doing research into my symptoms online and came across the website YourBrainOnPorn this site had links to TED talks about Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction and a forum where tens of thousands of men, from all over the world, were sharing the exact same issues.

    Here is the good news: It is all reversible!

    The forum is littered with success stories of guys who have recovered their erections, libido and penis sensitivity. It is called Rebooting (most of the terms are computer based as it seems to be nerds like me most effected, which makes sense given access to computers and traditional difficulties with ladies)

    The path to Rebooting mainly involves abstaining from fantasy. No porn, no sexual pictures, no sex scenes or nudity on TV, no reading about sex or daydreaming about it. Most men report that after 60 days they start to see major differences, but full Rebooting can take up to a year.
    Sex is allowed although not necessarily encouraged but there are difficulties, such as feeling a bit down for the first couple of weeks and Flatlining (a lot of guys report losing all interest in sex and being unable to achieve an erection during this Flatline period. It can show up at any point and last a random amount of time, but usually happens some time in the first 45 days)

    From YBOP “Understand that after years of abusing your brain's reward centre you have come to love the feeling of a dopamine high, we all do. Quitting porn will not make you hate dopamine, but if successful you can return to normal levels, meaning you will get your dopamine the old fashioned way, though actual sex with the woman you love. But, between there and now are withdrawals. That is your brain fighting you rewiring it. They hurt”

    I started my Reboot on Sunday 5th Feb so I’m only really at the very beginning.

    I wish I had understood this stuff earlier, but we are both still young, attractive and healthy. I WILL get past this and we have plenty of time to have great, mutually satisfying sex together!

    I don’t really know how to end this other than to say I love you.


    While she was reading I didn't know where to look. I fussed the dog and looked at my phone because I didn't want her to feel like she was being watched. Then she reached over and took my hand, smiled and said "That explains a lot, I've always thought there was something strange about you taking forever to cum"

    And that was it. We had a long chat about it, came up with a plan and I'm now on day 5.

    Really hoping this Rebooting works so I can be the man (with the penis) that she deserves!
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2017
  2. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Good job ErectusRepario, and you have a wonderful wife that shows understanding. A reboot is a considerable process, don't expect to be fully cured in two months. But it really helps that you have a woman at your side to help you.

    My advice: start planning out cuddle sessions. Physical contact really helps with urges. Inform her that you may relapse, it's just a certain wiring in the brain.
     
    ErectusRepairo likes this.
  3. Thanks Thebeg!

    Day 5

    IT'S EVERYWHERE!

    I knew we live in a sexualised world, but I didn't realise the extent of it. Absolutely shocking how hard it is to avoid

    I'm having problems with the television.
    I LOVE television and I'm not giving that up too, but I'm going to have to be more vigilant about the shows I watch.
    Today I was watching The OA (a new show on Netflix) and a sex scene just appears out of nowhere, no buildup, just cut right into the middle of a very graphic and energetic sex scene. I dived for the remote but by the time I had fast-forwarded my heart was pounding and I could feel the blood rushing to my pants. Thankfully I'm still feeling strong so I came here and read a few threads I've been watching before anything relapsy happened.
    Had a similar problem yesterday with Stranger Things, which had a sex scene at the very beginning of an episode. I had thought I was safe watching that because it stars mostly kids. Wrong!

    Well, I'll keep muddling through. Typing this is very therapeutic.
     
  4. Day 6

    Still going strong. Was busy with football and work today so no urges.
    I've gone a week before with no problems (on holidays etc) I think the hard work will begin in the next couple of days.
     
  5. Day 8

    Feeling a bit flat at the moment, haven't had morning wood for a couple of days. In fact not sure I've had any wood since the beginning of this Reboot.
    Hmm, hope that's normal.
     
  6. Day 10

    Turns out when you're not PMOing the day away you have a lot more time for other stuff.
    I've taken up cooking. Proper cooking from scratch. But I want to keep it healthy so I'm helping my reboot.
    Banana and blueberry rolled oat muffins for breakfast, homemade vegetarian nachos for lunch and courgette lasagna for dinner.
    Still on the wagon. No major urges. No slip ups. Morning wood appeared today too. Woohooo!

    Edited: I just went to the bathroom and I appear to have been leaking semen. Eww. Anyone else have this?
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2017
    Thebeg and cjm like this.
  7. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Yeah, semen leakage is normal when you're on a streak. It doesn't always happen though. But if you have like, a sexual dream, it can happen in your sleep (or even a wet dream).

    Keep it up!
     
    ErectusRepairo likes this.
  8. Day 11

    I read up on the leakage and it basically said 'imagine a cow that gets milked every day for 20 years suddenly stops, it'll keep producing the milk until it's body adjusts' I guess I'm the cow right now. Haha.

    This morning I decided to do an experiment. Is it possible to MO without P or fantasising? The answer is.... Yes. It's not something I'm going to do regularly, but with will power, plenty of distraction techniques, lube and a very light touch (no death grip) it is possible to reach MO without any sexual thoughts.
    Don't feel much different afterwards, maybe a bit more chilled. No massive mood drop like other people have reported, but maybe that's because my brain wasn't releasing dopamine to reward for P or fantasy.
     
  9. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Watch out though, the effects may appear later and may result in P cravings.
     
  10. Thanks Thebeg I'll keep an eye out for that :)
     
  11. Day 12

    My fingers hurt :( ......I'll explain.
    I have a little bit of an addictive personality and at various times I have looked for fun and ways of relieving boredom/stress in places I shouldn't.
    In my teens and early 20s I spent 6 years smoking weed every day, then in my early 30s there was a period of 4/5 months where I was doing coke every day (not a good idea) Both those times I struggled to convince myself it was time to quit until something physical started to go wrong. The weed epiphany happened when I started to develop a stutter which I hadn't had since I was an infant. With the coke it was a painful ear, nose and throat infection. But once I had decided to quit, that was it, stopped. The same thing has happened with P, PIED was the physical issue so I have stopped.
    Now whilst I have dealt with previous cravings and urges by being mindful and keeping busy, it's become apparent that this time it's a lot more ingrained and as a result my mind is suffering. It is also presenting in ways that are so subconscious I didn't even realise it was happening. Yesterday I was chopping a chilli to put in dinner and I felt an incredibly sharp pain in my fingers. I quickly rushed to the sink and washed my hands, then studied them to try and work out what was going on. To my amazement I realised that I'd been chewing my fingernails to death. I had chewed down so deep that they are no longer covering the delicate skin underneath and chilli had got into cuts. Very painful.
    Think I might wear gloves for a couple of days and hope that my mind doesn't transfer the problem to something else unhealthy.
     
    cjm likes this.
  12. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    I like your journal. You seem to lead quite a happy life :) good luck with your reboot seems like you got this dude
     
  13. Thanks mate. I try.

    Day 15

    Decided to start making more of an effort with my appearance. No point getting this penis up and running again if my Mrs doesn't get a wide-on.
    Went to the barbers this morning and got a EPL footballers haircut (long on the top with an undercut) and also treated myself to a professional cut-throat knife shave while I was there. First time my face has been naked for at least 10 years! My cheeks are cold in the biting wind but it's worth it. I look 5 years younger.
    Still avoiding all P successfully.
    On holiday to Cardiff tomorrow, might try and begin the rewiring.
    Hwyl fawr (Goodbye in Welsh)
     
    cjm likes this.
  14. Day 20

    Back from a few days holiday and everything is still going well.
    Cardiff is a beautiful city and there was lots to do. Spent Thursday at the Doctor Who Experience and an adults only evening at the science museum. Even took a trip to Barry Island (any 'Gavin and Stacey' fans out there? If not, try it, seriously funny!)
    Attempted sex on Day 16. I'd say it was about 60% successful, no O and PIED eventually kicked in though. Not letting it get me down though.
    Still chewing the shit out of my fingernails. My wife mentioned you can get some invisible nail polish that tastes awful, will look into that.
    Keep your hands where I can see them!
     
  15. Day 21

    Looks like I'm human after all.
    Yesterday was a terrible day for urges. My mind was running amok with sexualised thoughts and I very almost MOd.
    But I didn't so I guess that's a small victory.
    It is interesting that my first MO without P happened on day 10 and day 20 it nearly happened again. Looks like 10 days is my breaking point. Always good information to know.
    ...and so my adventure continues!
     
    Thebeg likes this.
  16. Day 22

    Woohoo!
    Had sex with the wife yesterday and it worked! Admittedly I used half a pill, but the important thing was I came (for the first time in 1.5 years, through sex) and even more importantly I did it without thinking about porn or some other sexual scenario.
    Wow it was a big O. I made some crazy noises that made my wife laugh, intermittently, for the next 24 hours, haha.
    I've had a big smile on my face all day.
     
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  17. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Great job! Stay aware of your mood and any possible chaser effects the next 48 hours.
     
  18. Day 26

    My updates have been getting further and further away the easier this becomes. Even struggled to find my thread thanks to those Chinese douche-bags spamming the forum.
    I have almost no urge to watch porn, although I do still have the instinct to look for nude pics of woman I see and fancy from movies and TV, but I don't give in to it.
    Feel like a bit of a jerk because I've found it quite easy, whilst I can see lots of other people on here are really struggling.
    I'm defo not healed yet but feeling confident for the future.
    Later Alligator
     
    Thebeg and cjm like this.
  19. Day 33

    Still going strong.
    My penis feels weird, hard to explain exactly, but it just kinda feels different. Maybe it's to do with the nerve endings coming back to life.
    Ciao!
     
  20. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    You're not making steps, but leaps! Keep it up :)
     

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