The "Porn is NOT an Option" Mindset [DECLASSIFIED]

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by TheUnderdog, Oct 13, 2012.

  1. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Ok everyone, this is it.

    I'm going to reveal to you the #1 secret to overcome pornography addiction.

    This is the secret that all successful and enlightened rebooters share.

    Those that got into the Hall of Fame already know it, either consciously or unconsciously.

    Are you ready for it?

    I'm very serious about this.

    This is what separates those that go a few weeks without porn to those that go 6+ months without porn.

    Most of you here are familiar with Laurynas and Journey to Freedom.

    If you're not, then I invite you to check out their journals.

    Does it look like they're struggling a lot to stay away from porn?

    Are they trying too hard?

    No, they're not.

    To them, not watching porn is fucking easy. They don't even think about it. They don't even consider it.

    Look at what Journey to Freedom posted yesterday:

    "I have reached the point in time where staying away from PMO is easier than giving into temptation. I have come to a profound realization - it would be much harder to go back on the path of depression, anxiety, PMO-addiction than it would be to keep abstaining from it."

    He's currently on day 153, but I believe he got to that point WAY BEFORE he realized it. Probably during the very early days of his reboot.

    He was already at that point when he started his journal back on day 70:

    "Even as I sit here in front of my computer talking to some friends and catching up on some schoolwork, I have absolutely ZERO desire to ever go back to the downward spiral of PMO ever again."

    Here's the thing guys:

    You will only be able to go long periods of time without porn when watching porn is no longer an option in your life.

    I call it the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset.

    The men that have this mindset live as if porn didn't exist.

    They completely forget about porn.

    They do not spend their day fighting urges.

    They are not "trying hard".

    Urges are dismissed almost instantly.


    I'm currently under this mindset and have been since day 11 or something. Staying away from porn has never been easier.

    I've been alone at home several times during the last weeks and watching porn never crossed my mind, not even for a second.

    I would rather spend the whole night without sleeping than watch porn. I would rather masturbate, fuck a prostitute, take a walk, whatever. But porn just isn't an option.

    And it doesn't bother me one bit.

    You have to be ok with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life.

    If this idea gives you anxiety or makes you cringe, then you don't have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset yet.

    If you're having urges on day 17 and you're slightly considering watching porn, then that means that in your mind you haven't truly made the decision to quit.

    If you know that you're going to be home alone this weekend and you're worried about relapsing, then that means you're not ready yet.

    You're just prolonging your relapse. Eventually you're going to give in.

    Those kind of thoughts do not enter the mind of successful rebooters. They forgot about porn a long time ago.

    I'm usually completely unaware of what day I'm on.

    I don't count days.

    I just check what day I'm at every time I post on my journal.

    There's a big difference between counting days and just keeping track of how far you've gone. I made a thread about this.

    I still get urges, but I dismiss them instantly. I don't feed them or fight them.

    Have you ever been attracted to your best friend's girlfriend? Or maybe to a very beautiful cousin? They might arouse you and you might get urges, but hitting on them is just not an option. It's not something you consider, unless you're into incest or don't give a shit about your friend.

    I'm telling you, once you have the "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset, staying away from porn is FUCKING EASY.

    How do you get this mindset though?

    I'm afraid that's the difficult part and that's where I can't help you.

    Every situation is different and every man has his own reasons for quitting.

    I just want to make you aware that this is the mindset you should be striving for. If you're struggling a lot or trying too hard then you're doing it wrong.

    If you take a look at successful rebooters you will always notice that they're able to stay away from porn pretty easily, and that's because of this particular mindset.

    The "Porn is NOT an Option" mindset is as bulletproof as it can get, but having a journal (accountability) is absolutely crucial too. I don't think I would've ever been able to get this far without having a journal. Don't be afraid to use porn blockers if you want as well. Everything helps.

    And if you're one of those guys that want to quit both porn and masturbation forever, the same mindset still applies. It just changes to "Porn and Masturbation are NOT an Option".

    Pretty simple, eh?
     
  2. Deleted User

    Deleted User Guest

    Underdog you amaze me.

    I honestly believe that i am in that exact mindset. In my opinion this post ranks alongside your orgasm reboot post as an absolute must read for everyone suffering from PMO addiction.
     
  3. CidGuerreiro

    CidGuerreiro Well-Known Member

    "You have to be ok with the idea that you will never watch porn ever again in your life".

    I think this nails the root of the problem.

    I can honestly say I'm not 100% ok with it. Even though I'm not considering going back into daily porn usage, part of me still can't let go of it.

    In my case, I think it's the inner voice saying "this is the closest you will ever get of a beautiful woman". I don't have the money to pay for hookers.

    I still find hard to believe that I'll have the active sex life I never had by simply dropping the porn.
     
  4. morrowcosom

    morrowcosom New Member

    Something that it made easier for me to quit watching porn was realizing how stupid porn itself was, as well as the porn industry as a whole.

    It eventually hit me how about every porn scene I had looked at resembled the intensity of people fucking in a rest home when compared to good sex. All that fake moaning and the dude having about as much enthusiasm as if he was taking out the garbage was not fucking.

    I looked up "do porn stars really like their job?" on Google. Come to find out, a huge portion of the chicks are addicted to hard drugs and do not want to fuck when they get home (bye, bye sex appeal) and the dudes have to get injections straight into their cocks (pills no longer had any effect) to even get boners around the women.

    All the parties are just huge drug parties to dull emotional trauma.

    Also mentioned was that the only reason porn gets more intense is because of demand. The actors and actresses hate it.

    All these babes and studs hate fucking and hate their lives.


    To me this does not sound appealing to beat off to.
     
  5. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Sex is nothing like porn.

    Here's a post I made back in February:

    -

    One of the interesting things I learned is that it's very difficult to reproduce porn scenarios with prostitutes. Pornstars really are actresses. They are trained to moan and exaggerate pleasure and excitement. It wouldn't surprise me if many of them are drugged during shooting. They suck dick with so much enthusiasm as if it was the last drop of water in the desert.

    There are some prostitutes that go crazy and behave like pornstars, but they are an incredibly minority.

    If you want to make your porn fantasies a reality, prepare your wallet because it's going to cost you a LOT of money.
     
  6. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    This is what Jenna Presley said in one of her interviews:

    "When I have sex, I like to kiss, just real soft and romantic. On camera it's just hard, fucking real nasty and calling bad names and everything. When I'm having sex intimately I would never say the nasty things that I say on camera.

    Why? Because it is a fantasy to them. When they watch me on TV I'm fulfilling their fantasies. In their personal lives their wives would never say the things that I say, so to them it's what they dream about.
    "
     
  7. F.line

    F.line New Member

    I think you should re frame it to 'porn is an option, it just isn't my option'.

    Acknowledging porn but not giving in to it was the key to my own success.
     
  8. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    What are you talking about?

    Porn is not an option.

    ;D
     
  9. F.line

    F.line New Member

    lol

    I totally agree

    It's hard for me to explain in english, so let me quote something

    "Anything unconscious dissolves when you shine the light of consciousness
    on it. Once you know how to dissolve ordinary unconsciousness, the light of your
    presence will shine brightly, and it will be much easier to deal with deep
    unconsciousness whenever you feel its gravitational pull.
    However, ordinary unconsciousness may not be easy to detect initially because it is
    so normal.
    Make it a habit to monitor your mental-emotional state through self-observation. `Am
    I at ease at this moment?" is a good question to ask yourself frequently. Or you can
    ask: "What's going on inside me at this moment?" Be at least as interested in what
    goes on inside you as what happens outside. If you get the inside right, the outside
    will fall into place. Primary reality is within, secondary reality without. But don't
    answer these questions immediately. Direct your attention inward. Have a look inside
    yourself. What kind of thoughts is your mind producing? What do you feel? Direct
    your attention into the body. Is there any tension? Once you detect that there is a low
    level of unease, the background static, see in what way you are avoiding, resisting"
     
  10. F.line

    F.line New Member

    You know that feeling that you get when you get an urge to watch porn? For me my mind goes a thousand times faster then normal. I get all these different thinking patterns and emotions. The way I dealt with those feelings was porn, porn was the outlet. What I'm doing now is to be completely in that moment and watch those patterns and feelings totally conscious. Acknowledging that they're there and why they're there. It only takes a couple of minutes and those urges are gone
     
  11. Michael

    Michael New Member

    That's from Eckhart Tolle right? :p.
    Thanks for the post Underdog was definately worth the read
     
  12. F.line

    F.line New Member

    It sure is
     
  13. Chezdon

    Chezdon New Member

    This is the hardest part for me too. I'm pretty sure that unless I pay thousands of dollars that I will never experience some of the sexual fantasies porn has given me with the hottest women. Porn gives us that release, and that's the hardest thing.

    I'm sort of in the OP's mindset though. On day 21 and haven't even thought about giving in yet, although at the back of my mind I know I'm not 100% committed. Possibly 95-99% but not 100%. I believe it's only a matter of time but I'm a man of my word and want to break free of porn and reap the benefits.
     
  14. Pedigree

    Pedigree Active Member

    To summarize Underdog's post, what we're looking for as rebooters is a paradigm shift.

    I daresay for most of us, we've only arrived at a point of not watching porn because we're restraining ourselves from watching porn not because it's natural for us not to watch porn.

    Restraining ourselves from watching porn is good for a 100 day phase but it's not sustainable. What are the odds that we'll go back to porn after those 100 days? Hell, some of us don't even last that long. It's like someone who loses weight by starving themselves. They'll lose it but they'll gain the weight all back.

    Restraining ourselves= Porn is still part our lives it's just the case we're not watching it for the moment.

    Paradigm shift= Porn is not an option, it's not part our lives.

    The aim here is to get to a point where we're not watching porn because we're restraining ourselves but because it's the natural thing to do.

    It's imperative, I think, that we make this paradigm shift during the reboot. We might be restraining ourselves from watching porn in the first few days/weeks but by the time we complete the reboot, we should have completed the paradigm shift.

    And I think that this paradigm shift should be the main criteria as to when a reboot has been completed. Someone might get spontaneous rock hard erections, but if his paradigm is still "I'm restraining myself from porn" instead of "It's natural for me to not watch porn", he hasn't rebooted yet.
     
  15. GABE

    GABE Porn gave me a limp noodle

    Underdog you already know I agree. This reminded me of some posts I made a while back...

    "the trouble with there being a possibility of relapsing... is that your saying theres a possibility of relapsing.. havent made up your mind yet..

    thats a "im going to try" mindset... rather than a "im going to do" mindset!
    Does everyone who has a relapse really want to give up porn? I believe they do..ofcourse they do.. but they ARE NOT WILLING to go through the pain to get to the other side..
    I mean people say they "want" things all the time..
    Take someone that is overweight and wants to look good for example... i believe we can all agree that they REALLY want to look good.. but they are NOT WILLING to go through the extreme discipline and pain to get through the workouts!
    I see it all the time.. someone works out for 5 good days (or abstains from pmo for a week or 2) then withdrawl hits from their fatty foods and tv shows and countless hours wasted on facebook/twitter/whatever.. all while their whole body is hurting from soreness.. and then..they GIVE UP!"

    -taken from this thread on how to avoid relapses

    and this one on porn being an option "*addiction is a disease, addiction is a choice, addiction is a disease of choices!*

    The Whole problem with setting a goal of "90 days no PMO" is that you haven't yet made the decision to never watch porn again...I realize baby steps are good and yes I think counting days is good motivation in the beginning for guys to do. BUT really you should focus on counting days without orgasm (the no P needs to be a lifelong thing or your playing with blazing hot fire) because orgasm is the only thing your temporarily going without...

    the reason so many guys relapse is porn is still an option but when your mind is made up to NEVER watch it again...you won't.. and if you do brush it off and keep going

    You CAN do this man.. Take this for example
    If you give an extreme alcoholic a shot glass full of liquor and set it in front of him he's going to drink it.. But if you hold a gun to his head and say if you drink it I'll blow your brains out..he's not going to drink it (unless he would rather die) but there are some extreme alcoholics that have made up their mind to not drink and would simply say.. No thanks

    Porn is robbing you of living a healthy life.. So find the motivation and DECIDE TODAY it's not an option
    Or the relapses will keep on coming"
     
  16. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Great post man.

    I agree 100%.

    Amen brother, amen.
     
  17. Journey

    Journey New Member

    I was just thinking about how you wrote that exact phrase in your journal a few times UD, and how I believe that's whats contributing to my current little successful streak. Funny that you just posted this then, as I was thinking back to it.

    For me, I created this mindset simply by removing all internet from my home. I can only use the internet using a housemates computer downstairs in a common area. I have used that computer to relapse when no one else is home, but.... i dunno, it doesn't feel like an option anymore either. I guess it is hard to explain.

    Its only Day 7, but I hope this mindset stays with me, because so far UD is right, it is easy with this mindset. And this is coming from someone who has only gone a month, and that was when I was on holidays.
     
  18. Moggio

    Moggio New Member

    A great post, Underdog. I think there are strategies that exist to encourage this mindset.

    One is what I'll call the "recognize and redirect" method. When an urge comes up, immediately identify it for what it is, and put your mind to something else. Don't fight it or feel bad for having it, just acknowledge it and move on. This is basically a method of mindfulness. The more you practice the method, the more effective it will become and the less common the urges will be.
     
  19. Johnny Rotten

    Johnny Rotten New Member

    Sometimes I hear this voice in my head too.

    But remember we have a porn addiction, this thoughts and feelings are induced by it.

    Almost every man on the planet loves beautiful women, has sexual fantasies about them, maybe masturbates thinking about them.
    But they are not "sexual fantasy" addicted. Maybe they don't even watch porn to satisfy their fantasies.

    There are also married men that don't need multiple women. They are so in love with their wives they don't desire other women.
    Does this mean they don't appreciate beautiful women or they don't feel physical attraction to them?
    No. They are just satisfied by their intimate life with their wives.

    I think some guys, especially those single and virgin guys like you and me, are more vulnerable to porn and find more difficult to quit porn addiction. There are so many stories about it here on the forum, all really similar.

    I still feel I have the "porn option" inside myself, but I think it is also because I never experience real sex and love in life that I find so difficult to imagine something different from porn.

    @Underdog:
    great post.
    I think I'm slowly reaching that mindset. I have a long and hard road in front of me, but right now what is helping me along this road is the desire of quitting not porn itself, but all the desperation and misery connected to PMO.
     
  20. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Who says that hookers are the only choice after porn?

    You are completely right about one point. You won't have an active sex life by simply dropping the porn. If you still tend to lock yourself in the room just without porn - nothing will happen. No sex. Having an active sex life requires effort. Dropping porn doesn't suddenly turn you into a chick magnet with a magic pill/wand or whatsoever.

    Want something in life? Then you have to go and get it.

    I actually want to repeat that last one.. Want something in life? Then you have to GO and GET it.

    NO GO (effort) = NO GET (sex).


    @Underdog, as I mentioned quite often - it's not about knowing, it's about understanding it and you ended up with a well put post about that, good job.

    I think there are numerous ways to achieve that mindset, but I think it's just too individual to tell.. For something one works for other something different works. If someone trully wants to achieve it - he has to put in enough effort in finding out.. Or doing the simple way - stop watching porn. As simple as that, although over 90% of people tend to turn this simple mechanism of a bicycle into a nasa spaceship mechanism.
     

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