The Poison

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Lion, Jun 8, 2014.

  1. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Well, after many back to back binge filled relapses (for months and months now), I have finally rock bottomed again. PMO is barely even physically possible at this point, no matter what the escalation point. I'm pretty much completely drained of all vital energy.

    I have a real problem here, and I want to conquer this addiction. I can take the first step, start this journal, put up a counter, and see what happens.
     
  2. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    I hope you write more into your journal. About what you're feeling and thinking. Sometimes it's better to write down these things, not just think about them. When you find the correct words and put the thoughts down, you're processing them at the same time. Often it helps just to write down what kind of urges you are having. Just the other day a guy wrote about his inner calamity, and concluded by telling he already feels much better. Chances are he prevented a relapse.
     
  3. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    True, I'm torn on opening up too much because I don't want to reveal my identity either.

    In my heart I believe this is no different than trying to kick a crack addiction. :(
     
  4. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    24 hours in since I last destroyed myself.
     
  5. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    2 days in. My longest streak in months.
     
  6. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    Okay, that's a good start!
     
  7. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    Made it 3 days, and I just failed (PMO)

    Summer time loneliness is a dangerous time for me
     
  8. bpm103

    bpm103 New Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    How are you going to reveal who you are? And, I venture to guess that the only people here are those trying to get help. Not trying to push you to share things you don't want to, just trying to poke holes in your rationalization.

    Nice job on 3 days!
     
  9. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    failed again
     
  10. Conquistador

    Conquistador Guest

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    I feel your pain brother. Get up once more!
     
  11. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    This board has ten thousand members on a world of seven billion. Of those thousands, how many hang out in this section? Your journal has been read 112 times as of this moment, and many of those who have read it have read it more than once. So come on! And I wasn't asking for your social security number. You could paint the picture with wide strokes without going into the details. For instance, if I speak of how I'm having trouble with feeling I'm over my head at work with the projects demanding technical expertize I don't have very much, I'm sharing a lot, thus making things better for myself, and remaining completely anonymous.

    You only fail if you quit!
     
  12. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    I surrender. I cannot beat a 20 year addiction on my own. It can't be done
     
  13. AddictedAgain

    AddictedAgain Pain = Growth

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    It can be done. People on this forum have done it. Don't give up, remember why your doing it and stick with it. I know i'm not the one to be giving advice because I'm still struggling myself, but we can do this. People beat addictions all the time. It is possible.
     
  14. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    Perhaps surrendering will open new doors. Men have been on rock bottom, feeling everything was lost. Worse off than ever before. And that was where they turned things around. You say it can't be done in a moment of weakness. It can be done!
     
  15. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    PMO'd twice today
     
  16. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    A tremendous amount of pain must be within you, with all of the attempts at escaping. What's wrong with life? How can you make it more to your liking?
     
  17. Conquistador

    Conquistador Guest

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    Is there anything you can try different? If nothing else just like an experiment? Talk to us brother!
     
  18. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    I've been dealing with some recent rejection lately with PMO binges. It's the only comfort (however false) I can find. I have very low self esteem as it is.

    PMO'd this morning.
     
  19. Lion

    Lion Well-Known Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    Today is a new day as they say.
     
  20. TruettW

    TruettW Active Member

    Re: Trying again, from the bottom of the bottom.

    Are you talking about romantic rejection? If so, well it means you're doing something. If a guy is getting rejected, he's putting himself in a situation where he can get rejected. Not many have the guts to do that. Sure, it hurts, but one has to think that it's a number's game. Not everyone will like everyone, but when one keeps trying, he is bound to find a match.
     

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