So here I am back here again. My last login was December 2013 and at that point I was busy wanking away my business. The business failed. I could have saved it but it is hard to do when spending 4 hours a day dick in hand, exhausted and depressed. Anyway that was then, this is now. I have chosen to keep a journal to help me through the initial pain of quitting. In October I did Tim ferris nobnom challenge which was 30 days no booze, no masturbation. I didn't t succeed but I did manage to not masturbate for 22 out of the 30 days which was a record for me. My longest streak was 15 days. That felt really really good. And I was amazed that it was the catalyst for other changes during the month. I actually took a course related to a new business venture. Unfortunately for the last month I have relapsed and gone back to it. The last five days I have managed to avoid all porn and so that feels good. My goal is to quit for good. My reasons are many: I want more time for constructive things. My month nearly clean and subsequent relapse showed me that wife is less into me when I am pmo Many many years of porn have led me to carry out disturbing voyeuristic behaviours in real life. I have a son and I want to be the best man and role model I can be. I am 33 now and have always looked at porn since finding my dad's mags when I was 12 ish. My problems got a little bit mental in my early 20's while at uni. I didn't have a computer, they weren't that common back then, but I would look at porn in the more secluded computer rooms on campus. This is where the voyeur/exhibition behaviour started because sometimes I would be going at it to some porn when a girl would be sat nearby. This was way more exciting and the dopamine rush was insane. Once I had crossed that line I found it very hard to stop and it didn't take long until I would choose the computer rooms with girls in. I have noticed over the years though that the less I jerk to porn the less I engage in risky behaviour. P is definately the gateway drug for me. At times when single I would use p endlessly telling myself that it was better that the voyeur stuff, but now I see that it just made the cravings even stronger. All this behaviour makes feel incredibly sad, guilty, lonely and I really hate myself after it. I am not proud of any of it. It is so bad for my well being and I have no doubt that it has contributed to my episode of sever clinical depression suffered 3 years ago. I am married with a son and another child on the way. Doing the nobnom challenge was great as it allowed me to talk to wife about porn use for the first time. I haven't told her I have a problem but I have discussed the issues and put a porn block on our router, which I couldn't have done before without her wondering why. This has become a bit of an essay but it feels good to clarify my thoughts. This is my journal. I am on day 6 no porn today and I needed to 'talk' with others about this as today has been really tough so far.