The One Way Road

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by TheHowlingWolf, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. TheHowlingWolf

    TheHowlingWolf New Member

    Today is October 30th. It is day number -2 of my road to quitting porn for good. After a long consideration and many attempts to do this final step, I feel like now is the perfect time to set it all in action.

    I've been watching porn since I was 10, yet experienced my first porn-related materials way before that. I remember my mom used to have an old French porn cartoon on a VHS. She got it as a shocker to show to friends, of course, I wasn't meant to watch it as the VHS was hidden somewhere in the house. Of course, I found it.

    At around 10 years of age I opened my first porn site. I remember it clearly to this day. It didn't have any videos, only pictures, but it was more than enough for me. Back then, a minuscule though about a naked girl made me explode. From there, I'm sure I had the same journey as many of men on this forum: I would watch more and more porn, switching from vanilla to more hardcore clips. Nowadays, all I watch is hardcore and fetish porn.

    While I never denied the fact that porn is an addiction for me, I never realized the negative affects it had on my brain and body. I like porn, I respect the people who create porn, yet they are destroying me.

    A month ago I was on holiday, far away from home. I was enjoying myself, having the time of my life, finally relaxed and totally happy. I didn't plan to engage in any sexual activity, as I'm not the type of a guy who likes to have quick NSA fun in the first place. Yet, I got very very lucky. On my last day of holiday I got to go on a date with a girl that was basically straight out of my dreams. She was the girl perfect in every single way, not only looks, but also the way she behaved. I was going crazy. We were planning to just meet up, have a walk, have some drinks, I honestly didn't plan anything but. However, as the evening slowly turned into night, I realized that there's no way we won't have sex. Moments later, we were in my hotel room. Just me and this perfect girl driving me crazy. Of course, I wouldn't be writing this if everything went perfect. I couldn't get hard whatsoever, no matter what I tried. I tried for the longest time, but nothing worked out. I felt terrible, felt disgustingly bad. Not only did I ruin the night for her, but for myself as well. It was right there at that moment when I decided that I have to change myself, I can't allow this to ever happen again.

    So, when I was back from holiday, I started my research, and it didn't take long for me to find out about this website and forum and all the information about porn addiction available on here, as well as the rest of the Internet.

    As I've said, I love porn. I managed to quit smoking easily after smoking for 7 years. I stopped drinking soda and switched to a far better diet with relative ease. Porn is something that I can not imagine giving up, as it's been a part of my life for 15 years, yet I know I have to do it to live a better, healthier life. And in tomorrow I shall watch my last porn clip and stop forever. It's going to be painful and tough, yet I shall endure.
     
  2. TheHowlingWolf

    TheHowlingWolf New Member

    Well, first 24 hours of PMO free lifestyle are complete. I have to admit, though, that it is not the first time I've reached this mark. I was always able to last without porn for a couple of days, even though extremely rarely would I be willing to do that. I think, I would expect myself to get to a week mark relatively easily and then start to experience real struggle. In about 12-13 years I've been watching porn, I've never stayed clean for longer than a week. I do already experience some interesting thoughts and ideas come to mind, but I will hold on posting about them until the first week will be over :)
     
  3. TheHowlingWolf

    TheHowlingWolf New Member

    Second day is almost up. As I've mentioned in the previous reply, it's not the first time for me lasting without PMO for a couple of days, so so far my body doesn't react to it at any way. Which is partly a good thing. What I've noticed, though, is that I catch myself thinking about different porn related subjects much more often. I don't think that I think about these things more than before, but I sure pay more attention to them now. It kinda showcases how big of a part of my life porn has been during the last years.
     
  4. TheHowlingWolf

    TheHowlingWolf New Member

    Fourth day without porn or masturbation, and the first day off work so far. It definitely was a bit more difficult to control myself, as all day I've been staying in alone, just doing housework and stuff. Yet, even with that in mind, I still haven't hit a point when I'd feel like giving up. For now, everything feels like it always was, just with no porn or selftouching in my life.
     
  5. TheHowlingWolf

    TheHowlingWolf New Member

    Fifth day. Honestly, it's wasn't too bad or difficult so far. I definitely been more energetic than ever, but I believe it's mostly because I've been thinking about how much my life can change now since I'm off porn, it probably has very little to do with the actual fact that I've spent five days ignoring all the temptations to watch my favourite clips.
     
  6. TheHowlingWolf

    TheHowlingWolf New Member

    And we're finally reached 7 days mark. I'm honestly surprised by how easy it is to control myself. After 13 years of watching porn and masturbating, I really did expect it to be harder. Yet, the time still might come. I'm definitely in the stage of decreased libido and sex drive right now, so that helps.
     
    Brit_91_kd likes this.

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