Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Mr-NoFap, Oct 3, 2013.
Hey MNP! Glad to see you are still pushing strong. Keep going!
Thanks Fugu. You too. You're an inspiration!
Just checking in to report another wet dream. Well partially at least since I woke up just when I was about to bust. It felt like I did anyway so I'll call it a wet dream. It might be weird that I'm keeping score but not having had them for so long they are still an interesting rarity when they happen.
Unfortunately, I am back in a flatline. I've been out of one for months now and thought that I was healed enough to avoid them but no. My wang is shriveled and small and just embarrassing when I take a shower at the gym. My libidio has gone down a lot again. Luckily, it's not all the way down to being asexual but enough to not be interested in sex or women. So why am I in a flatline after 7 months of abstinence??
Well apparently because of two things. I slipped and peeked at porn more than a couple of minutes about two weeks ago and most importantly because I have masturbated several times over the last couple of weeks in an attempt to recondition my pelvic floor believing that flatlines were a thing of the past. Was I wrong!
I read lethstang's success story and I see now that, like him, I can never masturbate again or I'll return to the flatline with lowered libido and ED as a consequence. This sucks but if that's the way it is then so be it.
I think that the key to being properly rebooted is rewiring but that is not possible at the moment so abstinence here I come. Again.
Two years since last post and almost 4 years since I joined. What changed? A lot and nothing really as I'm almost back to square one because porn.
Only difference is that I know I can be healed and the correlation between porn and ED is frightfully clear.
I keep relapsing and it sucks. I have decided to recommit to nofap and this forum. I don't want to PMO and I certainly don't want pied. I want a normal and healthy sex life and there is only one way to achieve it.
Let's get that counter reset!
I can't believe that it's been more than 4 years since I began nofap and this journey. I wish I had stayed on this path and hadn't strayed. I'm sure I would have accomplished more by now if I hadn't begun to watch p again.
The last 4 years have just kind of rushed by and appear completely wasted from any perspective. I was so full of hope and achieved a lot through this forum and Reddit. I got too confident that I was on my way to be fully cured and the forums had no more to offer me. I was wrong.
I'm almost back where I started and have little to show for the past 4 years. Sure I finished my masters degree but was unemployed for a year and a half before getting a job and another year went by before I got a car. In 3 months I'll finally move to a new apartment but I suspect that little will actually change when I do.
I will still be lonely, still want a gf without knowing how to actually be in a relationship without fucking it up and deciding that I should wait. I wait and I wait for better things/times but they never come. I know I should go out there and get what I want but I don't know what I really want or how to get it. I feel lost and like I'm getting nowhere except a ride to middle age as a lonely geezer.
I was on the right track 4 years ago and after about 6 months of nofap I found a great girl whom I was able to have sex with. I dumped her 5 months later because I was scared that we were too different, that it wouldn't work and that we weren't right for each other. I was sure that someone else would come along shortly after. But they never did.
I miss her but I am not sure if I miss her because she was who she was or because I am lonely. It doesn't matter either way as she is married now.
I have wasted 4 years, dumped a great girl, I am lonely and I'm starting over. This shit sucks and I can't even get the f*cking counter to work on my profile!!
The apathy and doubt about reasons for anything are strong today. I still have the content in the above post stuck I my head.
I feel like a failure that haven't really achieved anything in almost 4 years. I'm getting fatter, sadder and more apathetic as time goes by.
I'm stuck in a vicious circle that I can't seem to break free from and probably because I don't see what attraction there is outside of sitting on the couch all day. I'll still be lonely and I'll still feel sad.
I don't have any goals in life other than a wife and kids. I haven't been able to either attract or locate a woman that I would actually want to be in a relationship with for a long time. I guess that's were the apathy kicks in again.
I feel sorry for my self and I sound pathetic but I don't care. I simply don't care. I would love to have a goal or purpose in life but I don't. I suspect that that is key to driving yourself forward but I have no aspirations to run a marathon or bench press a metric ton.
I'm stuck and I don't know how to be unstuck and move on with my life which is currently just being wasted.
Hi Mr. NoFap. You have a purpose and aspirations: you mentioned a wife and kids for instance. These are worthy goals.
Why not break these huge goals into smaller ones? What would it take to meet new potential girlfriends in your eyes? A steady job? A sixpack? Learning to talk and flirt to girls? Whatever it is it reflects your values and sometimes you'll have to do what needs to be done.
You can break this into even smaller pieces. If you said a sixpack for instance you could plan and maintain a workout routine. Sooner or later you will also attract a girl into your life. Giving up porn and breaking free from addiction is no wonder cure for all your problems but a prerequisite. It just gives you a clear head and more energy to pursue your goals and also a couple of tricky questions to solve for further personal developement.
Basically all the big successes in life are the result of the right little decisions made over and over again meeting the right opportunity. I'd recommend you read "The slight edge" by Jeff Olson for further life changing information
Furthermore we should not wait for motiviation to come to us. We should just do it. Do what needs to be done or what you want to. If you wait for motiviation (emotions) to come you'll probably wait a very long time. It's better to just go and then see. Usually motivation and purpose come by doing stuff anyway
Last but not least let go of the last 4 years. It's sad if that time is really wasted but it's futile to regret the past (or to dread the future). What counts is now and a better tomorrow. And if you needed those 4 years to come clear with yourself and to decide your further course of action/ life then you needed this time. In this case and if you make the right decisions now this time is/was well invested or at least necessary.
Hi Fry2 thank you for your kind reply and constructive feedback. It resonated with me and you are right. I do have a goal and I need to think of ways to achieve that.
My goal is to get a gf and I will need to achieve that somehow. I will likely need to lose weight and get in shape, work on my social skills and maybe get a new wardrobe. These are manageable goals - except for losing weight and get in shape as I hate working out. I will need to find a way to make that tolerable.
You are right about breaking away from porn not being a cure but a prerequisite. I've rebooted before but my main goal was abstinence rather than developing healthy habits and eventually I relapsed. I see now the necessity for changing things rather than simply avoiding porn.
I'll get a hold of the book. I've seen others recommend it as well so there must be something to it.
You are also dead on regarding not waiting for motivation to come to us. I can see now that I have been too passive in making changes in my life. I still have a lot of excuses for why I can't do this or that now and it is better if I do it next month or something. It needs to stop.
Thank you very much for your reply which I've been thinking about for these past couple of days. It was the advise I needed and it has given me a sense of purpose and motivation to try to change things.
Reboot is still going. Felt compelled to peek at a few pictures of women with little to no clothes on. My main trigger continues to be hearing / reading about a naked celebrity or some porn star and being unable to control my curiosity.
Had a wet dream on day 56 of this reboot. The first time of the reboot and also the first one in quite a while - maybe the first one of this year. As always I see the return of nocturnal emissions as a positive sign.
Overall the reboot is going well and I am just as committed as on day 1. I'm done with porn, just need to learn to control my curiosity.
Good stuff. Glad to see that you're still fighting.
I know how it feels, having that apathy and feeling like you will never be fixed. As long as you keep working at it, you're going to win and you're going to break the porn addiction. Stay strong and don't EVER quit on yourself.
How u feeeling now
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