The "No Arousal" Method - Celibacy of Body AND Mind

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by bigbookofpenis, Oct 28, 2013.

  1. {24}

    bumpity bump ;)

    5 months without PORN and MASTURBATION... 8)

    few wet dreams (i never cared about those, there were maybe 5) and about 5-10 ejaculatory orgasms when having normal sex with my long-term girlfriend (we agreed to have sex only every 14 days but due to some minor health issues she is having, we actually had less than 10 sex sessions in those 5 months - it was partly agreement, partly medical coincidence), we plan to carry on this reduced sex schedule (once in 14 days) for at least 1 year, maybe 2 years (to lower my general brain arousal)… it will pay off greatly in the long term… we are still young and have a decade of fucking ahead of us so we can afford to slow down for 1-2 years and hit it hard later :)

    NoA and NOT LOOKING AT GIRLS definitely helped me to "break away" from the PORN habit... the first 3-4 months are critical - high octane withdrawal symptoms and craving... you literally feel the PORN pulling you back into the sinkhole - NoA and NOT LOOKING AT GIRLS definitely did their job during this worst critical period...

    after 5 months of NoA iam starting to feel the PORN loosing its grip on me… id say i survived the worst phase and now it will be daily humdrum life of abstinence… i feel like the first 4 months are critical to push through with teeth gnashing and than things ease out JUST A LITTLE BIT, but you have to be ON GUARD for the rest of your life… a momentary slip can catch you OFF GUARD and throw you over the edge (into relapse)

    now iam ready to start a journey of LIFETIME WITHOUT PORN AND MASTURBATION - its going to be tough day-by-day mission but the worst phase is behind me...

    iam 32 and since 13 - ALL MY ADULT LIFE - i was a heavy PORN user and MASTURBATED several times a week for almost 20 years (sometimes also masturbatory binges)

    now, with this behind me iam standing at ZERO today, i have to REINVENT my sex life (sex life without PORN and MASTURBATION)

    i feel the main job will be to find a life-long sustainable activity to channel all that excess accumulated bioenergy that will stay in my body, unreleased by frequent EJACULATION
    i plan to NOT MASTURBATE for the rest of my life and iam still in a transitionary period of 1-2 years with reduced sex with my partner (to lower the level of brain arousal), these 2 conditions mean i will always tend to have excess bioenergy in my body, unreleased by ejaculation… buzzing in my groin and tingling in my nervous system (some people may call it hornyness, blueballs, sex craving, etc)… this excess unreleased bioenergy may cause a lot of anxiety, rage, anger - "testosterone crazyness" - its like having a team of wild horses ready to shoot out of your pants at slightest occasion and push you over the edge (into relapse)…

    iam currently investigating various energetic modalities and practices to learn to manage the excess bioenergy… its going to be a life-long journey for sure, but i expect that life-long abstaining from PORN and MASTURBATION is going to change my life anyway so there will be plenty of new things i will have to learn from zero… one of them will be learning to cope and manage the excess sexual energy that will stay in my body… unreleased by masturbation…

    i promised i will make sure the NoA (No Arousal Method) will stay free of any philosophy and/or religious beliefs (eastern, western, esoteric, spiritual) so when i find out an efficient system to deal with the excess bioenergy accumulated in my body during NoA i will start a NEW THREAD that will be separated from the basic NoA principles outlined in this thread

    i want to keep NoA free of philosophy and/or religious beliefs…i also ask any contributor to this thread to abstain from referencing any eastern, western, esoteric, spiritual practices… i promise there will be a separate thread coming on that in future... it will take me few months to test-drive some modalities and see if they have any real effect on my excess accumulated sexual energy, and than i will come back and report in A NEW THREAD specialised on energetic modalities and practices… you can PM me in the meantime if you want to talk about any energetic modalities, but keep this thread free of any philosophy and/or religious belief systems (eastern, western, esoteric, spiritual), thanks

    meanwhile i already started some common healthy long-term habits (i plan to stick to them for years to come)

    - 100% NO ALCOHOL (tough one at social gatherings)
    - REGULAR SLEEP (i set my default alarmclock on 8 a.m. EVERY DAY INCLUDING WEEKENDS - helps even out and balance body's hormonal / endocrine rhythms)

    cheers everybody
  2. Metal

    Metal Get busy living or get busy dying

    This is good stuff guys.

    Can't believe there are knobs who think you turn asexual if you go for long periods of abstinence.

    If anything you have more sexual energy than those drips who keep watching porn

    I'm in the hardcore and plan to go at least a year of total abstinence before introducing sex back into my life again.

    The freedom from being compelled to check out every woman or being caught up in sexual thoughts is great. Its hard at first because you think you are missing out on seeing the perfect ass to hold in your mind, but once you condition yourself to not become a slave to your thoughts, you gain mastery and control over your mind.

    Yesterday in the libaray I was sitting next to some guy and every time a girl passed he had to look up. That use to be me, but now I don't feel that compulsion to look. If I see a cute girl I'll look but won't sexually undress her just think ''wow shes quite nice looking'' then move on.

    Bigbook you hit the nail on the head when you say that most on here over look the effects of porn has on the rest of their lives. They only think like cavemen, and just think porn effects ed and their chances of a relationship and just don't see how it effects their social skills, self esteem and thought processes.

    These people I can confidently say will not get better. I try and help them but most are lost causes.
  3. Foxhunter

    Foxhunter Deflect & Parry

    Me too dude, this has been a big problem for me over the last few years. Although it is somewhat natural (I mean, guys will look at chicks) the fact that I would immediately think about what I would do to her is indicative of a larger problem.
  4. freefreefree90

    freefreefree90 New Member

    I'm thinking about trying this method, it sounds tough but idk it might be worth it. Has anyone else here ever gotten to the point where they wished they were thrown in jail so that they'd be free of it. I liken it to alcoholics or heroin users who go to jail and are forced to get clean. I'm gonna think of NoA as the same approach
  5. daone

    daone Where I'm gonna be ought to be uncharted

    Yesterday in the libaray I was sitting next to some guy and every time a girl passed he had to look up. That use to be me, but now I don't feel that compulsion to look. If I see a cute girl I'll look but won't sexually undress her just think ''wow shes quite nice looking'' then move on..

    WOW! thats me exactly...i always look up lol...this no arousal is way too much for me...i dont want to do it because i dont intend on being a monk. Although i won't discredit that some of this information is very useful, i'm gonna try out some of the techniques mentioned in this thread and see how it goes...i am social app addicted though :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\
  6. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    No arousal is not a big deal. If anything, it makes things easier. If you resolve not to imagine sex when you are alone if makes life simpler. It does not equate to being a monk; it's more about staying in the moment and not allowing our imaginations to run free.
  7. {25}

    last 3 posts - freefreefree90, InstantVintage, LTE - illustrate well how diverse people think about the addiction... some would prefer separation from the triggers in a monastery or prison, some wouldnt want that, everyone finds the NoA approach appealing to different degree... that means that for some its the perfect cure and for others it just wont work, and some are somewhere in the middle...

    all is individual and everybody prefers something else...there is no right or wrong way to fight the addiction - everyone reacts different to different treatments and methods - as long as it helps you stay clear of the drug, the path is right for you

    me personally, i would prefer to pay for a year in monastery/retreat in mountains with food, medium work (on the monastery premises - gardens, orchards, etc. - nothing exhausting like plowing fields 12 hours a day with an ox) - thats what would work for me, but that just me, other people are different...

    i believe that a lot of addicts (the percentage will be unknown) on this forum are like me, even though they "dont want to", they would greatly benefit from a year in monastery / retreat... there is a difference between what someone wants and what is good for them...

    NoA is as close to monastery as you can get without actually moving to one :)

    The added benefit of NoA is that you now have the scientific proof why monasteries work the way they do... the answer is in the fMRI scans and the research on addict's brain sentisizing and desentisizing to trigger stimulus over the course of several months of abstinence (6-12 months minimum to feel any palpable results in case of heroin - results will vary depending on each addict's drug history and predispositions)

    thats all i can add to this - there is nothing more to add - everything you need to make a decision is in this thread - it either suits you and you try it or not and you move along...

    iam sober for 165 days...
  8. {26}

    for me a year in monastery sounds like the best way to fix many ailments of modern age... unfortunatelly most people cant afford it because of career and money... so they try to fix themself on the go, the so called recharging of batteries or sometimes called erasing the head after a busy day in work - some watch stupid TV for hours on evening to wipe their heads empty with mindless soap operas and light entertainment chat shows, some clear their heads and nervous stress with alcohol (alone or with friends), some eat anti-anxiety and anti-depression pills, some prefer munching on double chocolate bars, icecream buckets, crisps in front of TV or super-size-me junk food menus with tons of liquid sugar, juicy saturated fat, salt - you name it... oh did i mention PORN and SEX :)

    people are pleasure addicts

    and unless some disaster stops them in their tracks they will never part with their "guilty pleasures" voluntary... that disaster is ussualy diabetes, erectile disfunction, anhedonia, alcohol hangover, cirrhosis, overweight, anxieties or suicidal depressions from drugs, difficulty performing in their daily job, etc. - you know the symptoms of unhealthy life...

    ok enough... check these monasteries... i wouldnt mind staying for a year or two... in the end what is 2 years in a life of an addict...
    sometimes i think trading 2 years of sobriety for 19 years or PORN addiction is a VERY GOOD DEAL

    NoA is very similar DEAL - you trade 1-2 years of total sobriety from arousal for a lifetime without debilitating addiction... thats all to it... take it or leave it...
  9. freefreefree90

    freefreefree90 New Member

    The only problem with this approach is getting objective data to see if it works better than the original one. My intuition says it would so if we said 6 months = full recovery then maybe it'd be done in 4 with NoA. For me, when I say fantasy I don't mean P, I mean fantasizing about real girls which is annoying because it can hijack my thoughts for hours and feels like edging. I think this type of fantasy is normal but I probably do it way too much. The only thing I think that works is probably meditation or breathing to bring you back to the present and focus on what's happening around you.
  10. AnonymousMM14

    AnonymousMM14 New Member

    Great thread and definitely worth talking about but I'm not sure I can agree with the whole NO AROUSAL thing. Things are a little different now since sexuality is embraced and abstinence before marriage is extremely uncommon now but in the years past a huge percentage men who did choose to abstain before marriage (No Sex, No M, Basically No O until marriage) have experienced sexual issues including severe PE and ED. Sex and the desire for sex is every man's primal instincts our primitive purpose on this earth is to breed as much as possible, yes it is extremely rude and creepy and inapropriate for men to OOGLE over random women's cleveages and rear ends in the street, or in the office, or in the gym but its simply our natural reaction to be turned on and there is very little we can do against it. I did an entire research presentation for my human sexual biology class 4 years ago and if I can find the Abstracts from PubMed I will reply with links here just to present a friendly and educated argument. Lastly, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm blasting your theory and points, or if it seems like I'm saying you're I'm not. Maybe I'm wrong here. Science just isn't science unless its proven doubts wrong over and over again. Thanks again for this thread!!
  11. picats3141

    picats3141 Active Member

    You present a valid argument, and you're right that it's not morally wrong to be aroused; it's completely natural. However, I don't think decreased arousal hurts in the context of quitting porn. Unfortunately, in order to quit porn, we have to go against our primal sexual desires.

    You say there is "very little we can do against it," but there is! We can train ourselves to stop objectifying every woman that passes, i.e. looking at EYE level. We can also stop watching the over-sexed media (most of the actual content is terrible on TV as well.) Maybe you won't be COMPLETELY unaroused every day, but you will decrease arousal a lot, and that's the benefit.
  12. {27}

    i totally agree that to be aroused by women is completely natural drive - actually its primal instinct... but in the end of the day we are no trying to eradicate arousal from passing woman, and thankfully that is impossible because its very complicated process depending not only on brain but also hormones which are intact by NoA, hence no worry that one becomes asexual by not looking at woman...

    however, if you check the fMRI scans in the begining of the thread you will see that typical porn or substance addict shows much more activity in brain than normal man when showed arousing pictures (either substance or naked women)...

    what we are trying to do is LEVEL the arousal response down... not kill it... thats anhedonia... we are trying to offset it back to normal level found in unaddicted man...

    so the fMRI scans are the missing link - the crucial evidence - that addiction physically offsets arousal levels up... there is also evidence (although not as strong or abudant) that abstaining from the stimulus the body has natural ability to LEVEL DOWN into a state of equilibrium that is typicaly found in unaddicted man... the trouble is that this can take anywhere from 6-24 months...

    all this stuff is very new research - PORN addiction research only begun about 4 years back (2000)... so no one can guarantee you its working... there hasnt been enough trials and the test groups are very small...

    there is no guarantee any of this will work for you... but than again there is no guarantee if you take Zoloft... brain is just to complicated for current science and medicine to give us 100% working fix for many ailments...

    the only thing you can do is stop pondering and give it a try for 6 months... thats all you can do... no one will give you any guarantees... not even the very few researchers who study PORN addiction give any guarantees...

    picats3141 wrote> Unfortunately, in order to quit porn, we have to go against our primal sexual desires.
    EXACTLY :)
  13. AnonymousMM14

    AnonymousMM14 New Member

    I'm sorry, when I read NO AROUSAL I assumed complete and total celibacy from the mere thought of sex. This is why I argued that it would be unhealthy and virtually impossible to do so. And yes I absolutely agree that in order for all of us to conquer PIED that we do have to taper our sexual desires significantly! Once again sorry for the misread I was too lazy to read 3 pages of comments :)
  14. {28}

    its ok AnonymousMM14, dont apologise... but i recommend to everyone to read at least the 1st page of this thread where all the scientific basis is summarised...

    the fundamental error many people do when they come to this thread is to take the NoA method out of its context (as picats3141 pointed out correctly)...

    in the context of addicted person who's arousal centers are offset and super-sensitized way above normal - NoA is about the only thing apart from Zoloft and other SSRI how to calm the arousal centers down...

    in case of perfectly healthy male who have no porn addiction and have perfectly normal and healthy sex life with real women... NoA makes no sense and the abstinence can unnecesarily highten anxiety in such a healthy man...

    well given that most people here are in the first group NoA is very beneficial for you all and dont worry that it would do you any harm...
  15. freefreefree90

    freefreefree90 New Member

    bbop - I'd definitely agree with you about the body's natural desire to return to equilibrium. For me, I don't rly need the fMRI scans as proof to return to normal the same way I didn't need fMRI scans to know that P was fking me up in the first place. Even at 16 doing a lot of PMO and having no knowledge about it, I had a strong inclination that P was the culprit though not much proof. Too bad the cultural norm can teach people about alcohol, drugs, sex leading to STD and pregnancy, but M is treated as do it as much as you want and P isn't seen as destructive. Nevertheless, I agree with your timeline. I'm 4 months PMO free and feel much better in a lot of ways and I predict I'll be mostly recovered within the next six months maybe more or less but now I can actually accept that it is a goal that's actually attainable. Gonna try NoA when I can.
  16. {29}

    freefreefree90> check NoA FAQ No.5 (
    try to calculate at least 5% recovery from your total time spent with porn so you will have a time frame of your rewiring period... the equation is in the FAQ No.5
  17. BruceWayne

    BruceWayne Building the life I want, day by day...

    Out of curiosity, how is this going for you so far? I myself have been attempting this for about a week now.
  18. {30}

    an article about fantasizing during NoPMO (Submitted by Gary Wilson and others)

    stumbled upon this accidently when i was reseting my RS (Real Sex) counter and there were some YBOP links and FAQs on the counter-reset page... this being one of them...

    WOW, iam glad there were so many people before me, reporting similar findings that i try to discuss in this NoA thread... btw. this thread is one of many referenced in the article (thanks Gary W.)

    some quotes (apologiess to all authors for not referencing them):

    >> Research on mental imagery indicates that fantasizing or imagining an experience activates many of the same neural circuits as performing it.

    >> A lot guys say that fantasizing about real sex, or objectifying women/men is generally counter-productive during a reboot. Many see avoiding all fantasy as brain training, and report changes in perception.

    >> What I have found is when I continue to look at women and fantasize it slows up the process tremendously. If you read the science literature you'll find that small amounts of dopamine are released just anticipating a stimulus (i.e., wanting a piece of chocolate cake, or in this case porn or sex). That in turn can slow up progress.

    >> Fantasy is regarded as something risky at first because in the beginning (the first few months), our fantasies are nothing but modified versions of the porn scenes we find in our heads. /// A healthy person who has natural fantasies about someone will not get himself into trouble, while a porn addict who keeps fantasizing based on his porn past will only make things worse.

    >> Your brain doesn't make a distinction between imagery that comes from a computer screen or inside your own mind, so running P-like imagery through your brain is little different from watching P.

    >> That's also why I say cut out TV. If you're at home, and a fine woman comes on the TV, your brain says "Hey! There's a girl from my harem! I guess my harem didn't disappear after all! Hummana-hummana-hummana." And you get all excited again.

    >> For me, masturbating to fantasy caused the same problems as using porn and I attribute this to the fact that after so much porn viewing my mind can recreate porn pretty well so basically I feel that fantasy=porn.

    >> link to a "fantasy, reality, addiction" lecture
  19. {31}

    Not sure if this question was directed to me or everybody reading the thread :)

    My situation is always visible on my counter.

    Cheers and good luck trying NoA.
  20. ItisJ

    ItisJ New Member

    Thanks for the posts! I'm currently doing No Arousal :)

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