The "No Arousal" Method - Celibacy of Body AND Mind

Growing Up in a Pornified Culture | Gail Dines | TEDxNavesink

I was just thinking about how the images presented in the video could be harmful for the recovering porn addict. With that statement and my previous post, I can comfortably post the link noting that readers have been warned.

 

Good post Willpower
It's been a while ago but I remember reading BBOP's post and found it very insightful. but a practical application of those insights is problematic. Sex drive is healthy and normal If channeled correctly. The problem as pointed out is our world is dripping with sexuality and it's difficult to maintain a healthy balance. For example,If one is married where there is a legitimate outlet sexual arousal is good and healthy.
I see you pointed out in your post some weaknesses in his thesis but that the gist of it was good
Warm regards Boxer17

 

We're seeing eye to eye, Boxer.

I think the question for many individuals, and BBOP's concern, is how to channel it correctly or can it be channeled correctly if If one is wired to porn? We know that fantasizing about porn lights up the same pathway. Perhaps it is difficult to have sex with a partner without fantasizing about porn. Maybe its healthy to give your brain a break from sexuality when recovering. There's also the question of redirection. If something such as a billboard or the peak I took at another woman arouses me and I redirect that to my partner, is that healthy or right? What does it say about values?

Again, I think that BBOP was setting standards that really are for individuals who actually ogle women problematically. I think that if ogling is an issue, one can take his advice very seriously and benefit from it. I think that we can all take the advice and apply it to media instead of real women in the present and glean a lot from it. How often do I watch a TV show and see some erotic scene and not look away? Probably more often than I want to admit. As for BBOP's idea of avoiding sex as much as possible during recovery, I think that there are a lot of questions that remain unanswered and will continue to be mysterious for some time.

 

Ditto on the seeing eye to eye.
Actually, bbop's post was deep and thought out on different levels. I have remembered it often. I need to go back and re-read it. And maybe discussed this further.

 

To my shame I find I fantasize in order to O with my wife. It actually makes me a little hesitant to begin getting intimate with her because I know the direction my mind will go to be able to O.
Those fantasies will often come from something I have seen out in public or the workplace.
I may stay away from P but it's impossible to not go into the public where some gal will catch your eye. If you don't quash it right quick; down the rabbit hole you go!

 

I hear you. I was fighting not to ogle at some women today actually. I was walking on campus and happen to be right behind two women. I happen to see their butts, and thoughts just flooded my mind. I don't consider myself to be a chronic ogler, but I obviously had to put a stop to those thoughts and keep my eyes from seeing what fired up the objectifying. I can't not go to campus. I did use two tools at my disposal in addition to averting my eyes, however:

1. I imagined that my objectifying thoughts were consumed in a fire like a photograph. I had to do a series of it, of course, but it helps me to not hover in those fantasies. I've read that others have imagined slapping a giant red "X" on top of their thoughts while also imagining a buzzer noise. There are other ways to use imagination to stop fantasies. Try it out.
2. I practice mindful meditation (nearly) every morning. I used it during this temptation also focusing on my breathing, footsteps, the chill of the wind, etc.

It was still rough of course.

I worry that if I do find someone with whom I want to be intimate, I will struggle with what you are describing. Taking a break, like BBOP suggests, may be helpful, but I would imagine that even if you were abstinent for a year, reintroduction would still bring up those thoughts because that's what you learned. I imagine that in order to rid oneself of those thoughts, one would need to "relearn sex." That could just be a simple fix by using the two tools I mentioned above or it could be something much more extensive. I don't know. I'm still getting my life in order, but it's something worth putting some thought toward.

 

Hi brother hope you are well with your nofap journey , i read your post and it was very impressive , with it i can relate my problems. Hope you will get time to help this broken mind person who is dealing with mental issue for last three years.
My problems :
I used to fap for long hrs regularly was not aware of any upcoming results of this bad habit. Two years started isssues , whenever i see a girl or any sexual thought i got high sexual cravings in my mind that caused my feeling of anxiety headaches dizzyness no confidence scary feelings etc . Mind was 24hr thinking about sex .
Few months ago i got to no about nofap i started it nov with few relapses till now .i m on nofap for like 20 days but my problem is still with the thoughts i am not able to control them . I m trying not to look girls only whn its when while work i have to face them . When thy just come in front to me i get s huge craving that atleast last for few minutes which i cant even ignore but it gets vanish after a while. So how to deal with this issue whn a hot girl come in front of you amd you get cravings without you wanting them . I try not to famtaisze about their body but still images comes in mind for a while and that time feel so stress anxcious feeling bcz of cravings pls advise me if i can get normal iam in weird situation
Mareiage suppose to happen in few months idk how to go about it my life is miserabel with . Thank you hope u get time to msg me

 

Vin, check this thread out.

 

Hi bro thankyou for the help .
I am not faping , nor ogeling at girls intentinaly i always try to avoid them but wat i am struggling with it random sexual nude images coming in my mind itself, i am trying hard to avoid them but sometimes thise feelings are so hard on me that my mind automatically thinking about them .
Also whn i encounter any girl i get sexual feelings towards her how hard i try mind is stuck on them for a while . I try to distract mind think something else but its so hard to resist. Urges get so high in my mind tht nomatter how hard i try it causes me anxiety uneasyness feeling whn i see a girl .
Its just the issue with my mind not my genitals.
So i wana ask you those sexual images can distroy your progress? How shud i avoid them ? Life has become so miserable and everything got upside down in my life due to this pmo sessions . Has my brain damaged due to this and can it heal ?
These thoughts gave my anxiety uneasyness
I hope you will help me bro
Thankyou

 

I wouldn't say your brain is damaged. I would make the analogy that your brain has been hacked and reprogrammed. The good news is that the effects can be reversed. The scientific explanation is neuroplasticity.

I'm right there with you. I've been sad and lonely for a long time now. It is very difficult to deal with. I'm going to therapy for my own well-being. I highly suggest you consider doing the same.

Fantasy can absolutely be unhealthy. I probably have some articles on the subject saved somewhere, but you should pick up the book In the Shadows of the Net because it has a courtship model and is explained to show how fantasy can become distorted.

"Destroy progress" is probably a bad way to describe it. I would rather say that unhealthy fantasizing can be an obstacle that must be dealt with while you are progressing. It's an important distinction against the "all-or-nothing" mentality that is often unhealthy especially when applied to progress.

Did I link to the wrong thread? The thread was supposed to have tips on how to stop ogling and fantasizing. It wasn't supposed to be about your genetitals. Did you not actually read the posts?

 

I meant to say that cravings amd urges are coming in brian and something is not right with the brain and i am not geting horny like normal healthy people just its kind ob obsession in brain u know

 

That's pretty much all of us who are hooked on porn. The tools in the thread I linked to and therapy or a support group will all be helpful to your recovery process.

 

Thx u can exercise and meditation help in bringing brain to normal levels

 

They can be tools to help. Abstinence and forming healthy relationships with people is what actually gets us where we want to be. Getting there is the hard part.

 

Hi bro how is it going i hope you are doing good with your journey .
From yeatrday night till today night i felt beetter in my head , the thoughts i mean thy were not obsessing as bfr thy were coming but fading away much faster tht didnt cause me a bad day as always when thiught lead me obsessive fantasy . But later in evening whn i thought about two hot girls just started feeling anxcious and heart beating fast . Now it doest feel as good as whole day whixh went obsession less . Whats ure analysis of this

 

I'm not a therapist, bud. You could take a Cognitive Behavioral Approach, but you would benefit much more by going to a professional with this.

 

One thing I have tried when tempted is to think of that woman/girl as someone's daughter. Being a dad it brings out a bit of protectiveness in me

 

I'm about a month into my journey and I have realized how much I sexualize women around me. I like the idea of NoA but I'm feeling a bit conflicted with something. Recently I started going to a climbing gym with my brother again, and I think it is an absolutely great activity for me (due to the physical exercise and socialization I'm getting). I don't really want to go, but I'm going anyways because I'm viewing it as part of my recovery process.

However, at this climbing gym are any number of extremely attractive, and fit, women at any given time, and they're all generally wearing tight-fitting clothing (some of them just sports bras). I mean holy shit, it's like a fucking minefield over there. On one hand, I feel terrible about myself because I catch myself looking so many times. On the other hand I feel like if I reprimand myself for looking I'll engrain bad habits (feeling shame for looking at attractive women). I guess the trick is to learn how to differentiate between "looking at" a woman and sexualizing her. At about a month into this thing I simply don't think I know how to separate the two.

So I guess that perhaps trying to divert my attention might be the best thing to do in this circumstance? I don't want to stop going to the gym because I feel it has so many positive effects otherwise, but I just really struggle with how to handle this aspect.

 

Are there any other gyms that wouldn't have that same temptation?
It seems to me like an alcoholic going to a bar because it serves the best chips around.
I find sometimes I just have to avoid places because of that same type of stimuli