The "No Arousal" Method - Celibacy of Body AND Mind

You are not overly paranoid. Advertising is a highly developed science of persuasion. They engage audiences on conscious as well as subconscious levels. One could call it manipulative or exploitative. That's controversial. What's not controversial is the fact that it's effective. And that's a perfectly good reason to put some effort into avoiding ads.

Take back control of your brain! (Ain't that what we're all about here?)

I've reduced my exposure to ads, in various ways. Intentional ones: I use (and recommend) the Chrome/Firefox plugin uBlock Origin. And less intentionally: I just don't watch TV or listen to commercial radio.

 

I probably shared this thread a dozen times on NoFap. I truly think Alexander established "monk mode" based on this.

Of course this is better than anything NoFap has on their site.

 

Lol some music videos come to mind reading this (Backwordz, Fire From the Gods, Havok, & Hopsin's) but this video flashed in my mind first:

 

Yes complete god mode 320days. I have just start rereading the thread to see how my opinion have changed in last year. I have opened that gymnastic picture in the first page and completely nothing. Im cured.

Still NoA is going to be my core idea for rest of my life. Now its time to moove on on another tasks, it was very interesting almost a year but its time to get all the other areas "fixed" andfind a girlfriend. With all that knowledge I now have, i will only stick with the best option.

 

Dear bigbook... and all readers. I've read most of this thread and would like to provide my 2 cents.
The idea proposed is to avoid all triggers. This in my experience inadvertently gives power to the very same triggers that is to be 'avoided'.
All things that are avoided, ignored and fought gain power from us, yes, us !!!.
Each trigger is likened to a battlefield. Every fight drains our energy. Slip/lapse/re-lapse is made unavoidable.

I am quoting here from "http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_contents.php"
" ....Now, if there was ever an end to such triggers, this might prove to be an effective long term approach for a healthy recovery. Fight each trigger until they disappear, and you will never again have to worry about acting out. But that isn't reality. Reality is, with that mindset...there will never be an end to potential triggers. Why? Because potential triggers can be anything at all. They can be anywhere. In any form. The fact of the matter is, and it is a fact that this group has an extremely difficult time grasping — is that the stimuli itself is irrelevant.

It is only the emotional associations that an individual develops in relation to a stimuli that will determine what is and what isn't a trigger.

A hard pill to swallow for those utilizing such a "fight every trigger...never let my guard down for a minute" approach to recovery. They spend their lives trying to root out all triggers...trying to develop a safe haven within their own lives. A place where they won't be 'triggered'. But rarely do they succeed in building such a life...because again, triggers are completely perceptual. They're not real entities.""
<<End Quotes>>
Cheers and good luck.

 

It is true one can't root out all triggers. Nor should you necessarily try. But one should be on guard for them and have a plan to deal with them . I think being aware is a good approach.

 

i cant totally agree with you about this.

as i know every newborns brain starts to learn how to control and analyze data coming from different parts of body like eyes & hands so on.
this shows flexibility of the brain as much as i recall there was an experiment by creating a new device and connecting it to somebodies brain, that device sent to and received from brain some signals like any other body part but factinating thing is that brain learned how to control the device made in 20 or 21 century by itself.

if our ancestors had sex and survived its been because each of them has found it pleasurable by themselves and learned to be pleased by it and learned to like it not because its been hardwired in their brains from the beginning.

btw these are all just my ideas and are prone to be totally wrong.

 

I realize this thread is a bit old now, but I hope you found the help you needed. I'm just starting PMO and NoA myself, so will see how I get on. I've not previously gone without masturbating for more than about a week at most, and I feel, more significantly not gone without oogling or mental fantasizing. Wish me success.

 

I'd just like an update as to how bigbookofpenis got on with this NoA method, as it will have been a good few years since the thread was opened. Do you find you can now look at a scantily clad woman passing in the street or on a TV ad or in a movie without getting feelings of arousal?

I ask partially due to the many years that these associations have built up by my age and wondering how long it is likely to take for the neuroplasticity to create health pathways in the brain. It was suggested that this may need to be a lifelong choice, however I was also told when giving up smoking that I would never lose the cravings, however that was not true and I do not feel cravings at all for smoking nowadays, so I hope the same will eventually be the same for this.

 

There is clearly something in what is being said there le_petit_moster and certainly some sort of techniques to re-wire or disconnect the associations are needed but using my successfully quitting smoking 18 years ago, I know that it was in part due to also temporarily quitting association triggers such as drinking coffee, tea or booze. Unfortunately I can't recall for how long I quit them before being able to reintroduce them without craving a fag, but something must have rewired the emotional associations, as they are no longer triggers.

 

I have a different approach. I post this to help and out of my good will and not to deliberately disagree with people.

I feel against the No Arousal Method. I say this because, I have tried it my way for a short time unsuccessful. I feel the no arousal method is barbaric to your human spirit. Men, and women, have the capacity to feel sex. Attempting to destroy this out of an intention to not relapse and not watch porn will backfire eventually. It is way too aggressive and attacking for your psyche. It is akin to being locked up, given a bowl of soup and then a guard telling you "I don't care how hungry you are. If you eat this, I will wack you." So you eat the soup because you get too hungry, and you accept he wacks you.

The No Arousal Method just sounds like- instead of trying to not eat the soup the guard has given you because you are scared of getting hit by him, you ask the guard to get rid of the soup for you altogether and give it to someone else...…..You will still get hungry!

Isnt the solution, instead of refraining from eating the soup, to get rid of the abusive guard?

In Buddhist and Zen schools of thought, "What you resist persists."

If I am not allowed to look at real woman, not allowed to get real life horny, not allowed to fantasise even one second.....To me this is prison. And to me this is not even the reason I decided to quit porn. The reason I decided to quit porn was to enjoy real life women more and to integrate real life woman and intimacy. Quitting porn was just fuel to assist me appreciate woman I am sincerely attracted to. I enjoy the feelings of arousal when I see a woman I have chemistry with. I enjoy the ups and downs. I enjoy not being in control of my male sex (even when I am not in control).

Here is my method and my advise is, get rid of the prison guard, get rid of the threat of being hit, and soon you wont even feel the need as much soup anymore.

The Don't-Try Method

• Use your will power to try and NOT wank or watch porn (but read on)
• If, and when, you find yourself the desire to look at porn or wank.....let yourself. But do it consciously. Eat the soup with full awareness.
• As you wank or watch porn, do not shame yourself. Do not guilt trip yourself. Allow yourself to watch it or touch your phallus with full awareness, with full observation. Osho would title this "be the watcher, be the observer, don't be the do-er." Osho has advised this method for people wishing to quit other substances
• Over time, with practise....You will find you wont want to watch porn or wank anymore. You will find it drops off all by itself. You will still feel sex in your body, but the option of wanking and watching porn will not be attractive anymore. The prison guard has left forever, and there is an endless supply of free soup, but your stomach will only be able to consume so much in peace and quietness.
• The key is allowance.....For a period of time, allowance.
• Please note, I am not encouraging men to use porn. I am encouraging men to be conscious of their choices.
• Eventually, you wont even feel the need to watch porn or wank. It will just seem silly and you will drop it. Now that the prison guard has gone, why should I bother eating soup when I can actually break out of jail and go eat freshly made piece of Salmon/ Italian food/ pizza/ wine/ sushi

And as I outlined in my success story (and had to leave many things out because I didn't want it too long), I reached a point where after trying to stop porn unsuccessfully for a while, I just said to myself, "You know what Johhny, it doesn't matter if I watch porn or not. I am trying to stop. I have failed a few times. From now on regardless of what I do or don't do, I completely love and accept who I am. No secret conditions, I love myself."

Once I gave myself permission to love and accept who I was, beyond a fickle choice to watch some porn, and combined with other things, I just found one day I instantly stopped. No force. No pressure. It was not hard it was EASY and simple.

You can watch a Derren Brown episode titled "The Fear Pill." Here he gives people with crippling anxieties over fear of heights, fear of people, fear of public singing, fear of confrontation a fake sugar pill (placebo) and tells them it is a fearless pill. The people all got over their fears permanently. Derren Brown suggests to the viewer that what we are really looking for- in any pill or remedy- it just inner permission for us to take on the state of being we prefer. You don't need any method to quit porn- just give yourself full love and acceptance and full permission to love yourself now.

After all, when you quit porn.....isn't that what you will finally let yourself feel? Isnt quitting porn just a big permission slip to accept who you are and be confident in who you are? Makes sense to just embody that now anyways.

 

"You will find it drops off all by itself." ooh err.. I sure hope it doesn't drop off.

I'm glad that has worked for you Johhny and I sure love and accept myself for who I will become when I no longer get aroused inappropriately. You see for me, it is not so much giving up the porn, that is my problem, it is more the associations and arousal I feel when seeing women I find sexually attractive, especially when it is not my wife at the time. So I'm pretty sure this is going to be the best method for me, but each to their own I suppose.

 

Isnt that natural and normal to find other women arousing?

 

It is completely normal and healthy to be aroused by women, but it is up to us what we do with those feelings. The goal of the no arousal method is to avoid arousal during the period that the brain is rewiring. It will make the process more efficient and it will prevent escalation into acting out. Ofcourse you can not just say 'I refuse to be aroused by this woman', but you can say 'I am aroused by this woman. I enjoy the energizing feeling in my body. But I am not going to act upon it. I am not going to ogle or fantasize.'.

 

I personally feel I need to overcome such 'natural' arousal.

I am wondering whether I should start a completely new thread from the following observation, which like some of what Johhny Bravo said above, is to some extent inspired by Derren Brown too.

I was a bit annoyed, as I woke up a bit early with the beginnings of a boner, but managed to stop full erection happening, however, struggled with not letting any porn type images enter my mind, still got occasional brief flashes. I reckon I need to work out some sort of association reprogramming or aversion therapy, as I'm not sure that NoPMO and NoA on their own are enough to rewire/rebalance the brain properly or fast enough.

To demonstrate what I mean, if I say "don't think about the Statue of Liberty" the immediate image that springs to most people's mind's eye would be The Statue of Liberty, the DON'T is totally ignored by the mind.

Now I just need to work out what sort of aversion or replaced association needs to be used. Anyone got any suggestions?

 

Also, on a personal note, I am having to abstain from RS with my wife too, at least for quite a while for the brain to rewire, due to that also being a 'trigger' and surely fills the O part of NoPMO. Isn't that really a bit like an alcoholic just having a drink in exclusively their favourite pub?

Unless I'm the only one who gets flashes of previous porn imagery coming to mind on such occasions, of course, we are all slightly different, but I would expect most of us addicts would get this sort of thing happen.

 

Try mindfulness, ACT or the urge surfing method..... you can google them all and will get many hits.... great stuff

 

The Derren Brown stuff really inspired me when I watched his episode called "The Assasin."

He takes a somewhat nervous young man, and in the course of one month, brainwashes him and trains him to murder someone using a pistol.

When I watched this my mind couldnt comprehend it........then.....surely if someone can be trained to murder someone as in this episode, then it must be possible and probable that if I brainwashed myself (I learned hypnosis) then giving up porn would be easy?

And i did this. And it was easy the whole way through. I really feel bad for reading so many accounts of how various people say "it is so hard, i relapsed again." And i was there 4 years ago....always fighting an uphill battle.

If the method i shared inspired you please try. My life is so much better and beautiful since making my decision to become a self empowered and self loving person.

 

I read most of bigbookofpenis' (BBOP) posts on this thread. I chose not to skip around like he suggested at the beginning of the thread so it took me a few hours (I took breaks so I'm not sure how long it actually took me) before I stopped reading around page 8.

It was a great read for the male porn addict. Some of the times I find that he was taking things a little extreme, and then a few posts later, I think that he's better balanced in his thoughts. He's obviously not a professional writer, and I'm reading what is scattered thoughts as he was living his prescription for recovery. This is not the most coherent read given these circumstances. That said, I found it to be well worth the time investment.

Across the internet, the overwhelming strategy to recovery is a white-knuckle grind through 90 days. There are some scattered thoughts on some other tools to help, but they aren't very good most of the time. BBOP's No Arousal method is a system that stops the user from reinforcing the neural pathway for porn addiction. Most individuals stop their porn use but believe that sexual fantasy while masturbating and ogling, are fine. How can they be? Masturbation isn't as harmful as porn, but if you're wired to porn, what are you going to think about? Porn. If you have experience with women, you could fantasize about them, but are you going to pornify them? Probably. Its pretty tough to think about the touch and smell of them without them being physically there. When you fantasize them, you are probably going to be tempted to put them in all kinds of position that porn has taught you. You could choose to masturbate without fantasizing, but how long is that going to really be sustainable? And of course, oogling is just another way of fantasizing. Turn on your TV and see a hot thing on regular airing playing with her body for the viewers? If you engage it, you're firing up the same pathways for your porn. Undress that girls you just passed in your mind? Same pathway. Remember that our world has been pornified. (You can look up a Ted Talk with that term in the title. If you are already on the path of No Arousal, however, you don't need to watch it and I suggest not as the super stimuli are present.)

 

Hmm Pornified will check that out. Why not share it here?