Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by bigbookofpenis, Oct 28, 2013.
Look above her eyes, or focus on your own body (your look becomes a mere gaze, like when doing Yoga)
She's proud of working out and the body it gets her, there's no shame to have. It's only a problem because some guys are porn addicts (us) or assholes (the ones calling them names for that, or being harrassing to various degrees). I find it very unclassy from them, but not shameful.
I think you point it perfectly here: "But it's not easy. At least not yet, given my current skill level. Maybe it gets easier over time."
It's skills - it's all about skills, actually. So yes, it will get easier over time. Despite my relapses these days, I stare less (to be fair it also has to do with reading more in the subway). But whether it's resisting porn, socialising, emotional management, etc: it's all about skills. "Issues" are just skills we haven't developped yet.
You are absolutely correct in thinking she is sexually intriguing based on what she has worn. It has been the reason why I relapsed so much. But then, I learned what was really going on.
What is really going on is that you are spending too much time focusing on what she is wearing. It is difficult not to but she is a lot more than her ass. You have to consider seeing the whole self and not just one part of the body. We would be attracted to her even if she wore conservative clothing, just more so when she isn't wearing much. Then ask yourself, this, "Am I just lusting over her or do I actually like her?" If it is the former, then forget her as she isn't attractive enough to see her with attraction. If it is the latter, then she is a lot more than her yoga pants and if she wore anything, literally anything, I would be attracted to her anyways.
Following the above has helped me sooo much.
Our ancestors would disagree. If your attracted to an illusion as you say, that's a problem as it is artificial Maybe, you shouldn't worry whether you can have attraction to a natural woman but rather can you have a natural attraction to women.
"I find it helpful to see every sexy woman as an opportunity to rewire my brain away from porn."
This isn't really all that helpful during the beginning stages of a reboot, the best thing to do is to starve the brain of sexual input. Once your well into your reboot (you decide when, but most likely after 90 days fully clean), then you can start seeing women (only real ones right in front of you) as opportunities to rewire your brain.
Cool man, just making sure you're getting the right advice. Stay the course and you'll reap amazing rewards.
Re: NoA (No Arousal - celibacy of body AND MIND for 3+ months)
So I have the same Problem as all of us (started a new post,you can read it if you are interested in it or want to help me).
And I want to be completely without sex thoughts to reboot and rewire, as you said here:
One Problem: I have aGirlfriend. A GF that I really like to lay down with in bed and just cuddle and kiss. I can resist to not touching her in the erogene zones, but is that enough? Is it okay to have a GF while rebooting/rewiring?
Best regards, Seb
I have the same question as the poster above,
please read my post and comment if you find the time.
I don't see how it's a problem.
NoA isn't against foreplay, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc... it's about fantasising, oogling at girls in the street, watching porn & p subs, etc.
Also, plenty of people have reported that rewiring helps their healing process. Some say it's better to abstain. I guess it depends on the individuals. As a general rule of thumb, no or less sex in early recovery is better though (at least for PIED).
It is critical to rewire with a GF, if you don't you won't get better!
Thanks for the anwsers. I get slight boners (80% erected) when i am making out with my girlfriend, but when its coming to the deal and shes already naked, my boxers are empty again. My theory is that this will also improve with time...I hope at least
It will improve, no doubt about it. Be patient, you might get good erections sometimes and not at others, but eventually you will be back to normal.
I am glad I found this thread. I have been struggling to reach 30 days over last 3-4 years. And then something clicked this time I'm on my day 25. I think I'm doing something similar to no Arousal. I am starving my brain of all artificial stimulations. I got rid of Internet, tv. I put filter on my iPhone and made sure I don't memorize passcode for restricted website (obvious but critical step I had conveniently never taken before). Most important, I stopped booze and recently even caffeine. I added yoga with head stands and inversions. This is allowing my mental state to be more steady.
As a part of no mental stimulation, I am making effort to stay home or minimize exposure to chicks. I don't have that much control to snap out of it when I do ogle them on street but being aware of fact that stimulated brain feels different than calm steady mind helps.
I am also sleeping a lot. When I starve my brain of stimulation, I am left with veeerrry boring life. I play soothing piano music and it puts me to sleep. This is probably good. I consider this similar to putting a broken arm in plaster and giving it a rest. Life is plain vanilla and boring but sleep makes it bearable. I sometime find myself automatically stroking myself. Then realize my mind getting excited which feels different (ummm feels better) and I just let the stroke launch my hand shooting out and take a moment to settle down. I know it sounds silly but these little things make massive difference between relapse and success.
I has RS twice. I'm trying to stay away. It felt good and I am sure it will help rewiring but my poor little brain needs some rest so it can gather itself come back in full swing. RS caused hovac in my emotional states following day. I'll do RS again once after 30days. I feel I'm getting mentally stronger and will be better equipped. If not, go 30 more days. Sucks for my gf, I must say. But I'm determined to break the shackles of modern artificial stimulations and few months is no big deal.
Best part is females automatically recognize that I'm off PMO and I'm making meaningful progress in being super comfortable in my skin which is massively attractive (apparently). Its been such a long time since I had dreamt of finally reaching 30days and it just kinda happened without my obsessing about it. And it's all that I was hoping it would be. Fingers crossed.
I know you will make it keep going Bruh
can you have sex regularly while following no arousal?
should you O during sex or abstain from O completely>?
awesome thread! Anyone have any updates on how they did with this approach?
Almost 270 days. I don't have gf, so its complete celibacy.
Did you stay in a true monk mode for 270 days- Averting your eyes on the street, shutting off all visual stimuli, real or artificial?
I'm going to use this approach for... let's try 3 months. During the following 3 months, I'll use my journal to note my journey, and any slip-ups.
To this end, I'm making a note to specifically avoid sexy pop music. It doesn't even have to be videos! Audio alone, I'll strive to stay away...
If I'm reading a book and a sex scene shows up, I'm not going to throw the book across the room, I'm just going to be conscious of it, avoid excessive fantasising, move on swiftly, and make a note.
I predict that TV won't be an issue. Unless I decide to get Netflix again... I'll just be very picky about what I watch. What I watch on Youtube is mainly educational or stupid stuff that's nothing to do with sex. But I might start noticing things I didn't notice before. So we'll see.
I'm considering moving my notes primarily onto paper, but I'll use my forum journal every so often.
I hear you on the music issue. I was listening to a song on the radio in the car the other day and had to change the station because the music was pretty much audio porn
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