The Naked Truth - 40's Edition

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TrueSelf, Aug 16, 2021.

  1. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Multiple periods of pretty intense sadness today. I'm not sure what it is that brought it on. Just thought I should make note of it. Sometimes it seems to be part of the journey. What finally helped (briefly) was watching an episode of Seinfeld.
     
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Man that's hard. Removing the PM crutch can bring on mood swings so maybe it's that. Strength and all the best @TrueSelf . Happy Festivus
     
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  3. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Thanks man. Today is better. I've been at home with my wife all day so I have not felt "alone". I do think that porn consumption does dull emotions. Take it away and both the good and the bad are felt more strongly.

    Edit: I remebered what I think part of the sadness was about. This happened last year as well. I think it had to do (at least in part) with being sad that another year was ending and my issues with PMO continue.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2021
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  4. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Sex
    I need to analyse this is greater detail in the future but I wanted to make note of a "victory" I had in this area today. I think one of the aspects that will help to gain freedom from porn is to be able to improve sexual communication with my wife. So today I requested (I'm not trying to get her to do anything she is not interested in doing) something sexual from my wife and we engaged in it. Success!
     
  5. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Breaking the Cycle
    I watched a movie with my wife the other day. There was a "triggering" moment when the female lead said to another character, in another language (so this was subtitled)
    "I'm a little slut"
    . I think I was triggered by this because I find it very appealing when women are "sexually confident". I thought I had gotten over the trigger but just this morning I had a thought that I should lookup on Reddit something related to the quoted line. Like do some women feel this way/like being treated this way. Of course this is a horrible idea to do and I will not make such a search. "Seeking behavior" is one of the initial steps that almost exclusively results in full blown relapse. I can break the cycle and not respond to "my history" with this sort of thing. I am hoping by writing about the experience it will help to dispel its impact on me.

    One other thing I wanted to mention. Yesterday I was at a store with my wife. I saw a woman with a guy walking towards my wife and I. The woman was somewhat attractive but not overly so. As we approached them I found myself feeling very self conscious and overly aware of the way I was walking. It was strange. I have had things like this happen to me in the past but it has been a long time. Anyways I thought I should make note of this odd event.
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2022
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  6. TrueSelf

    TrueSelf Active Member

    Fantasies
    Just a quick note as I need to get off line. One of my goals as I noted is to be more open with my wife in general but especially with sexual stuff. So this morning I mentioned two things I was thinking about. I think this was good. Unfortunately my mind started wandering too much. "Maybe if I tell her I would like to try... she would be open to it". This was not good. I was thinking too much about this stuff. I thought about going down bad paths with "researching" different people's opinions on stuff. This is never helpful and not relevant. Ultimately I was able to keep it only to thoughts and not actions which I may pleased with but it was unwise to temp myself in this way.
     
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  7. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Sounds like things are going well. You are able to dodge triggers and are communicating with your wife.
     

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