The most humiliating experience of my life just happened

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by daone, Mar 19, 2014.

  1. daone

    daone Where I'm gonna be ought to be uncharted

    I was with my GF, I really care about her and find her very attractive, been dating for about a month. I am kissing her and my dick is rock hard, she starts giving me head; still rock hard but by the time i went to put it in, it started going soft. Im on day 70 something, and i looked at porn 2 times in passing for about 3-5 minutes at short 5 sec gifs during my reboot.

    Needless to say it was one of the most humiliating, shameful experiences of my life, i was so pissed off at myself and disappointed, i wanted to punch myself repeatedly. My GF blames herself and i know that no matter what i said its a bad situation for both of us now.

    My gut feeling is to break up with her and just stay single for a while until my reboot is complete but on the other hand I really do care alot about her, i just feel like i won't ever be able really forget this episode while im with her.

    Any advice, opinions, tips, whatever i would greatly appreciate.
     
  2. Aussie

    Aussie Guest

    Are you insane?

    So you couldn't perform,once - after only 70 days and your solution is to break up with your GF who you care about?

    This is another example over an over sexually active brain - you think the be all and end all is sex.

    Have you told her about your addiction? PIED?

    Man up bro,you have to tell her it's you,and explain to her what your going through.
     
  3. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    That would be the worst decision in the history of humanity.
     
  4. SelfControl2013

    SelfControl2013 "Infinite patience produces Immediate results"

    Step 1: Take a deep breath go for a run, come back
    Step 2: realize that even the GURUS of sex may have occassional times when they can not perform
    Step 3: Change how you see this issue and what it means - So what the dick didnt wana stay hard, big deal? Smile, laugh, and be cool with it - If you make it in to a big deal it can become a big deal.

    If it was me I would just smile and say he doest wana play today- and if she is feeling insecure just have a heart to heart conversion with her, and tell her " I really care for you deeply and i find you really attractive, us man have complicated dickes,when they have a mind of their own, Sometimes they get hard in swimming pool for old ladies that we DO NOT LIKE, and sometimes like now, it goes soft, ill train my dick to work well though but until then lets laugh cause this is funny!!!"

    Then you pull her and give her the best oral sex of her life, or use your finger if you can, if you felt like trying again do it , if not try to please her and kiss her and be COOOL with it

    relationship is not how well you fuck her, is how much you RELATE together, and part of relating is being able to communicate about how your feeling without any friction and blocks.
     
  5. Universal

    Universal Guest

    You're only at day 70, nothing's going to be flawless

     
  6. zen_lioness

    zen_lioness Love will conquer all.

    Try to relax. I know that is easy for me to say, but really as a wife of a PA I can tell you that this experience is something that the two of you can grow through. I would be honest with her about what is going on if you haven't already. Have her watch the Your Brain on Porn Tedtalk. That will help her to understand and work on not taking it personally. Good luck! This too shall pass.
     
  7. brainslave

    brainslave Guest

    I can't stay silent anymore: this self-help guy is SUPER ANNOYING.
    If you don't know who you are, we know who you are. Please +1 me on that, so I don't feel alone in this. There is no way I am.
    Giving advice is fine, but doing that 24/7, while promoting your videos and blogs...? 5 steps to fall on a banana peel... 3 steps to this and that... ?
    It's a forum for folks in the same situation to discuss issues. Why would you repeatedly pretend as if you got your act perfectly straight and give a ridiculous amount of advice you yourself didn't all reinforce with experience.
    Self help is great, but until you become a recognized author, don't come promote your product on the forum.

    COME ON...

    Or maybe you're some magician who figured a way to annoy me. Tell me.
    [this message is of course not addressed to the OP; sorry OP for writing this on your page]
     
  8. Aussie

    Aussie Guest

    I don't have a problem with him "promoting" himself here.

    I watched one of his vids last night and it resonated with me.

    He's trying to help people,good guy in my book.
     
  9. Gruznbyrg

    Gruznbyrg New Member

    I haven't checked out his website, but I'd say he consistently gives good advice. I think he definitely is a positive contributor to the forum. It doesn't bother me if he's trying to make a business out of helping others.

    I don't post much because it's usually the same stuff posted again and again by people who haven't bothered to read YBOP or look through the forum, but I scan the forum most days for threads that look interesting. In my opinion there are a bunch of heavy posters who detract from the forum, but SelfControl is not one of them.
     
  10. Rusty

    Rusty Member

    It doesnt hurt anyone and there is some quality content on his site. There are many other users on here who offer zero.
     
  11. totallyyours

    totallyyours Loyalty, honor, and a willing heart

    You don't need to have sex to have a relationship.
     
  12. ted93704

    ted93704 Keep Your Heads Up!

    tell her about your problem...I have told dozens of women, and they don't care that much..you'll be surprised how compassionate women are dude..just tell her whats on your heart..then do things to make up for your lack of a boner..go down on her, finger bang her, kiss her passionately..kiss her neck..give her pleasure..forget about yourself and just focus on her..enjoy doing those things, relish them...the good thing about that problem is that you can really learn to enjoy foreplay because you aren't as bent on sticking it in as other guys are..there is great benefit in that, believe me
     
  13. Aussie

    Aussie Guest

    100% if you eat that pussy like a champ she'll like it more than fucking,go hectik on them sugar walls bro,spend a good hour munching.
     
  14. Forgotten

    Forgotten Member

    Hey Instant. Believe it or not, your experience is very common and typical. 70 days is not that much, and I'm not surprised that you are still not ready for vaginal sex. I know how bad it feels, but try to not panic. It's a good thing that you were rock hard during foreplay. You just need some more time. Do not break up with your girlfriend!! If she really wants to have sex, the only thing you can do is to explain her everything...
     
  15. brainslave

    brainslave Guest

    Cool. If you all are allright with it.


    Thanks for the reply btw.
     
  16. Jigar

    Jigar New Member

    Dude. This happens. It doesn't mean the reboot failed. You were rock hard getting a bj. That's awesome.

    You just need more practice! It might take 2 more attempts, it might take 10. But if you can get hard from her mouth you will learn to enjoy her pussy. Practice dude, just practice.
     
  17. Jigar

    Jigar New Member

    His posts are solid but the self promotion is annoying for sure.
     
  18. Nomadic

    Nomadic Member

    +11111
    I've been thinking the same thing. My God....every thread he steps in with the Tony Robbins approach. It's so annoying. And it doesn't feel heartfelt.....it feels like someone speaking from a blowhorn.
    Sorry but it annoys me too and just seems soo promotional. It drives me nuts.....he replies to every post on here it seems too.


    And to the OP, man relax. You're experiencing something that probably 90% of the guys on this site have experienced multiple times. Be patient and don't focus on sexual performance being the most important thing in the universe. It will pass.
     
  19. Bibbity

    Bibbity Wife of a recovered addict. 3 yrs strong.

    This is hilarious...but oh so true ;)

    In all seriousness though I wanted to add that it is perfectly normal to go semi-flaccid to flaccid (waxes and wanes) during sex. It is a normal healthy sexual response. It will come back if you don't freak out and relax. Porn gives this impression that the penis is a machine that will stay erect for hours but it's not. Some guys will get erect for hours and some guys won't...it's all normal. I know you are extra worried because of your PIED but going forward this info might help you relax a bit. If it doesn't come back then do other things to enjoy yourself and stay connected.
     
  20. Fapper3

    Fapper3 Guest

    He pops his collar: Seems legit
     

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