The long and painful farewell

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by stone, Feb 23, 2019.

  1. stone

    stone Member

    Day 14, the two-week mark:). Seems like I need a new reason to shut my brain up and do the damn work every day. Still no strong urges, just a lot of random thoughts.
  2. stone

    stone Member

    Day 15, barely got anything done. Busy weekend then.
  3. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Keep us posted matey.

    It takes a lot more mental energy than people realize to beat this stuff. Once you get past a certain point the inverse is true, you get all this extra mental energy to try stuff done. You just gotta go easy on yourself and take it a day at a time.

  4. stone

    stone Member

    Thanks professor. It was one heck of a weekend. My boss just loves setting deadlines on weekends. But this time, deadline failed to boost my efficiency. Less than an hour left and I was still adjusting minor stuff like I got all the time in the world, rather than working on the unfinished part. Finished the report with a rather clumsy end eventually. But turns out it was the least clumsy one (that's what you get for ruining our weekends, boss:)). Are all the people around me struggling with procrastination too? Never realized that before.
    Day 17, by the way.
  5. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    No one likes working in the weekends. You may be better at your job than you think. ;)

    Great work getting to day 17.

  6. stone

    stone Member

    Thanks again, professor. It sure gave my confidence a good stroke.
    Day 18, did some lab work. I knew I was avoiding the paper work, but it felt good to lift my ass off the chair after spending the wohle weekend on it.
  7. stone

    stone Member

    Day 19, learnt sth from Ajahn Brahm's talk. I used to read erotica 10 hrs a day. No wonder I'm so good at sitting there and doing nothing now. When sit down and open my computer, my brain just switch to the erotica mode. I need to program my brain and rebuild the way I think and work.
  8. Keep going brother. Im right here with you. Remmber this is no longer an option. Im starting out on day 1. Imma check up on you all the time. Cmon man lets remove this filth from our lives. I got ur back
  9. stone

    stone Member

    Thanks @struggling1234, together we sure can beat this crap and earn our healthy life back. I'm already extremely grateful that I started this journal. Good signs are showing and the support from here has been incredible.
    Day 20, still extremely low efficiency. The urges bugged me a little. Guess programming my almost dead brain requires some real practice. The three-week bottleneck again, gonna be more careful the following days.

  10. Hey man.

    Yeah bro we can do this.

    Be careful of the binge cycle. The days ur at u will get random hard urges attack you. Be on guard and ready to strike them down.

    Ive been and days 15 20 25 30 etc many times and ive learnt the urges can come on extreme and unexpectedly.

    Just some advice from my experience. Thats why rather than counting days im going to post each time i overcome a major urge.

    By major urge i meen when ur brain really craves the dopamine and it trys everything to get its fix.
  11. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    Hi there stone, seems to be you've making big progress with small steps. It sounds to me like you have been reading The Slight Edge! Most of the negatives you describe are really common for a reboot and it takes time, patience and discipline to reach many positives. You're on the right path.

    Programming a dead brain takes mountains of patience but for all I can say it is 110% worth every breath. I've learned that working out - fitness, running -helps tremendously. Sculpting the body enforces the brain.

    Take care
  12. stone

    stone Member

    Thanks @struggling1234, nothing strong yet, but will keep my eyes open since it can be really sneaky.

    @Rengaw got this idea from Ajahn Brahm's talk. Guess lots of things are relevant when it comes to mindfulness. And thanks for the suggestion. Have been neglecting working out for quite a long while. I do plan to start again.

    Day 21, the three-week mark. Still not many urges to deal with. Not much work done, but better than yesterday.
  13. stone

    stone Member

    Day 22, not much work done. Spent the night watching random videos. Gonna visit my aunt tomorrow, so this weekend would probably be safe.
  14. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

  15. stone

    stone Member

    Thanks professor! I'm gonna check it out.
    Day 24, could've been a fulfilling weekend, but sorta ruined by too much tv. Felt guilty after watching shows for 5 hrs in a row. Now I want to get sth done to make up for it.
  16. stone

    stone Member

    It's good to know we're in the right path. "if you find yourself postponing a task because you’re mad at yourself for taking so long to get started on it, try to acknowledge and accept your feelings, and then move on instead of ruminating and continuing to delay." I can really use this.

    Day 25, almost got sth done. Took way longer than planned.
  17. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Try to train your mind to reframe your thinking. Rather than:
    “I almost got some stuff done. Took way to long.”
    “Hey I had some difficult stuff to do and I pushed through and made a start”

    Changing my thinking to be, hey I got work done, awesome! Rather than, I suck I should be working more! Really helped me get out of a funk.

    Train your brain to be more positive. It seems hockey at first, but give it a try.

  18. stone

    stone Member

    Day 3, got caught up in some urgent work and some conferences, so skipped a few days. Peeked on Tuesday night, after I failed to bring myself to start the work (too much fantasies from the TV shows, should've quitted them all along). Again, held back before things got too far (thank God I did, or I wouldn't have been in any shape to attend the conferences). But this time, the desire to MO was really strong and persisting. So I did pushups till I couldn't lift my face off the floor. Eventually got myself to start working after that. During the past few days, workout and cold shower has sorta become a routine. The urge is diminishing now, but still strong.

    @Professor Chaos, sorry for the late reply. Appreciate the advice. I do am prone to negative thoughts and feelings. The desperation to make up for the time lost to P can be quite overwhelming. Should focus more on the things I've learnt from quitting P and the changes I've made, rather than what has been lost.
  19. stone

    stone Member

    Day 4, the rainy weather ruined my hiking plan. Did some gardening instead. The urges are manageable now.
  20. stone

    stone Member

    Day 5, started with a somewhat productive morning, but lost the momentum in the afternoon. Still, it was a better than usual Monday.
    Professor Chaos likes this.

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