The long and painful farewell

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by stone, Feb 23, 2019.

  1. stone

    stone Member

    Hello, professor, this book sounds like exactly what I need. Thank you for your recommendation, I'd go find it in the library.
    Speaking of reading, I still haven't gotten through chapter 4 of my bedside book, thankfully it is because my sleep has been getting better. I have decided that if I wake after 4am, I'll just get up and start the day. Happened only once in the past week.
    I notice the things people achieve aside from their sexual life as well. P sure is limiting us. When first started nofap, I just wanted to get rid of all the urges that were bugging me. Then I realized that a healthy man has urges too, he just deal with them in a matured way so that he can be motivated by the urges rather than limited by them. Since I never learned to manage them properly, I can only imagine that for a healthy man, the urges are a consistent reminder not to give in to any temptation and the strongest commitment to his significant other. I started this journal in the hope of learning such skills.
    And thanks again for your support, professor. Your tips on procrastination would be appreciated if you'd kindly share.
    Day 19, stronger urges, I'm tiptoeing now.
     
  2. stone

    stone Member

    Day 20, I realize my urges have been easy on me for the past few weeks. Today they came out of dormancy and bugged me most of the day.
     
  3. stone

    stone Member

    Day 0, felt pretty good this morning, fixed some stuff in the afternoon, then got trapped in the fantasies and browsed some stories at night.The line is pretty blurred when dealing with erotica addiction. Didn't MO, but still lost the good mood after that. There goes the three-week mark, but let's be optimistic, I still can make April better than March.
     
  4. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Hey Stone,

    Interesting that you noticed an increase in urges right before it happened. Take note of that. Can you block the sites that you normally browse? Making those harder to access gives you more of a chance to turn back. Maybe block certain key words as well. Good time to do this right after a relapse. Learn from your past mistakes and build on it.

    Hang in their mate, you got this.

    PC
     
  5. stone

    stone Member

    Hello, Prof. Chaos. I tried blocking sites before. But my standard of erotica is so low that I can easily find them elsewhere (lots of them are literally porn-free). But you're right, now it is too convenient for me. I should start blocking again, as many as I can, at least to make relapse require some effort.
    Day 1, tired and guilty after the worst night's sleep of this week. This is really it. I'm missing the whole world.
     
  6. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    You’re ok man. I know that it can feel a bit like snakes and ladders but you are going to be ok. You can also lock down certain phrases or search subjects. Even just set your search engines to block certain sites. You don’t have to have this on indefinitely, but it can help you through the first 30 days.

    It’s important to care for yourself after a relapse as that’s where a feedback cycle of binging can occur. Remember you are healing and the past work you have put in is part of that healing process. Do something nice for yourself to offset the brain fog. Stay with us and keep posting.

    Good luck,
    PC
     
  7. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    You’re ok man. I know that it can feel a bit like snakes and ladders but you are going to be ok. You can also lock down certain phrases or search subjects. Even just set your search engines to block certain sites. You don’t have to have this on indefinitely, but it can help you through the first 30 days.

    It’s important to care for yourself after a relapse as that’s where a feedback cycle of binging can occur. Remember you are healing and the past work you have put in is part of that healing process. Do something nice for yourself to offset the brain fog. Stay with us and keep posting.

    Good luck,
    PC
     
  8. stone

    stone Member

    Thank you Prof. Chaos. Blocked all the sites I can think of, including some literature sources I don't really need (they're filled with ads anyway).
    Day 2, have been neck deep in paperwork recently, but could rarely finish reading a passage without being hijacked by the fantasies. Wish I'd have some stuff to fix eyeryday:rolleyes:.
     
  9. stone

    stone Member

    Day 3, got myself to start work again eventually, though with low efficiency. It was like herding the cats. Got a mental arithmetic app to help pull my thoughts together.
     
  10. stone

    stone Member

    Day 4, won a few battles against the urges and got sth done:D. Baby steps but I'm getting myself together again.
     
  11. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Keep us posted as you go.

    PC
     
  12. stone

    stone Member

    Sure professor. Spent Day 5 in the library on some paper work. The fantasies didn't bug me much. The rush had been fading and the library helped. And a few minutes of mental arithmetic could take my mind off any fantasies. Now looking back I think I had more or less unleashed the monster myself. The choice is up to us after all.
    Day 6, began the little break with a long journey home. The view was good. Everything is thriving now.
     
  13. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Good work. Small steps up the mountain. Just keep moving forward and if you catch yourself fantasizing come back to this board and have a read or just do a brain dump. It's important to post here when things are good, but also when they are challenging. You got this!
     
  14. stone

    stone Member

    Thank you professor, your support and advices really help me keep going. Day 7&8, visited my family, helped decorate the new house, hung out with my cousins and went hiking. Things went just as planned. The weather was great and the idea of avoiding meeting people and reading erotica all day just seemed dull and depressing.
     
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  15. stone

    stone Member

    Day 9, did some cleaning after the long journey back. Alone in the apartment, but the urges mostly stayed at bay. Whenever the itch started , I'd imagine that the addiction was nibbling my brain like the bug from Starship Troopers and I'd end up like the guy in the closet if I didn't stop it.
     
  16. stone

    stone Member

    Day 10, it was hard to focus on the paper work after the little break, even though the urges were manageable.
     
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  17. stone

    stone Member

    Day 11, really miss the days when I could just sit down and start to work without a second thought. Gonna try meditation again.
     
  18. stone

    stone Member

    Day 12, still struggling with procrastination. Took me trice the time really needed, but got sth done eventually. Better than yesterday, at least.
     
  19. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Small steps matey. You are just getting back on track. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

    PC
     
  20. stone

    stone Member

    Thanks professor. It's kinda frustrating that I'll do brawn work readily, but always put off the brain work. Day 13, no strong urges.
     
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