The long and painful farewell

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by stone, Feb 23, 2019.

  1. stone

    stone Member

    Day 12, tired and frustrated, indifferent to anything. Maybe the beginning of a flatline?
     
  2. stone

    stone Member

    Day 3, the P happened last Thursday. I decided to attack my procrastination head on, so I cleared the schedule to finish something I had kept putting off. I went to the library, laid out my stuff, then forced myself to either do it or do nothing. I ended up doing nothing. It was like all the old fantasies saw the open window and decided to have some revelry time in my head. That night, I browsed some pictures. But after toying with it in the head all day, I actually felt no pleasure watching the stuff. It was weird and I stopped before going too far. Maybe I had held back too many times it was like I had gone through some extinction training. (As mentioned before, I had seldom MOed since the beginning of using erotica.) Or, I did hit some flatline. Whatever the reason, I'm glad I stopped. Friday morning, after sitting in the library for an hour or so, I got myself to start. After that, I saw no reason to stop. Two days later, I finished the damn thing that had been hovering over my head for so long:D
     
  3. stone

    stone Member

    Day 4, was slacking a bit after the intense weekend (that's probably why I rarely have relaxing weekends:rolleyes:). I'll fill in the schedule to keep the fight up. Some people change instantly, but I guess I'm one of those who change gradually.
     
  4. stone

    stone Member

    Day 5, not much motivation after a terrible night's sleep, spent most of the day on an essay with low efficiency. No cravings as well.
     
  5. stone

    stone Member

    Day 6, got up two hours earlier than usual, couldn't go back to sleep. Yet got less work done than yesterday. It was like every single thing took me double the time I planned for it.
     
  6. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Hey Stone,

    You’re doing really well so hang in there. I really connected to what you said about procrastination and P use. For me there is a definite link. Like the harder I push to do something the more likely I am to relapse.

    I think there is a pattern for me of using it as a way of settling down my mind before it will let me work. I think it’s linked to stress.

    Make sure you be kind to yourself and don’t keep your phone near your bed. Maybe have a non-erotic book to read if you wake up. Something classic and easy to read. I found that really helped settle my mind when I couldn’t sleep. It’s a matter of interrupting the thought pattern of boredom + no sleep = Sexy Images.

    Good luck mate.

    You got this.
    PC.
     
  7. stone

    stone Member

    Day 7, the one week mark:).
    Thank you for your support, Prof. Chaos. Agree about the stress. My mind would seek P for immediate comfort when the situation becomes stressful. If I ignore that, it will keep whining for a while, bring up some minor stuff before I can start to work.
    I appreciate your advice on insomnia. I do have an unfinished book about animals I'd like to pick up again.
     
  8. stone

    stone Member

    Day 8, low efficiency. But I can tell things are getting better. Slowly but surely.
     
  9. stone

    stone Member

    Day 9, stayed up late last night, still waked at 5am:confused:. Can't remember the last time I had an eight-hour sleep.
     
  10. stone

    stone Member

    Day 10, went cycling for a while in the morning. Things had been ok untill the nap after lunch. Waked up feeling tired and strong urges to fap. Maybe I tired myself out this morning, considering it was the first time I touched a bike this year and I hadn't slept well yesterday. Anyway, I left the apartment before the cravings got me.
     
  11. stone

    stone Member

    Day 11, waked at 2am, went back to sleep maybe an hour later. Still felt quite good in the morning. But after lunch, my mood kept switching between anger and drpression.
     
  12. stone

    stone Member

    Day 12, it's one of those days. The only good thing happened was that I didn't fap.
     
  13. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Hang in there buddy! You should give yourself more credit. Times were tough and you didn’t cave, You stood your ground. That’s what heroes do.

    Feel free to post about what’s happening for you on this thread. Even if it’s just to vent.
     
  14. stone

    stone Member

    Thank you very much for your kind support, Prof. Chaos. It's just hard to deal with colleges when l have a hair-trigger temper. Guess the energy from abstinence is trying to find an easy way out. Fap is easy, so is anger (and maybe overthinking too? Have been doing it a lot recently). l need to practice my skill of putting the energy into building a healthy life, or I may end up become a grumpy loner, or worse, l may fall back to the old pattern.
    Day 13, almost the two-week mark.
     
  15. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Then I would definitely recommend meditation if you are not doing it already. Start our really small, but it’s amazing how learning how our mind becomes fused with our feelings makes life challenging.

    It’s important to find small ways to be compassionate to yourself and compassionate to others. Doesn’t have to be much to begin with, but it all adds up.

    Let me know if you have any questions?

    PC
     
  16. stone

    stone Member

    Thanks for your advice, PC. I tried meditation becofe, the most basic form. I would stand in the balcony, face the trees, close my eyes and focus on breathing. But then my throat would feel weird like I was chocking. Still don't know why, it happened every time. Maybe I can try a walk in the woods during lunch breaks instead? That always calms me.
    Day 14, anger diminished a bit, though still thinked a lot about random things.
     
  17. stone

    stone Member

    Day 15, found myself slacking again, doing all kinds of minor things to avoid the big issues. May try the library to finish some work tomorrow.
     
  18. stone

    stone Member

    Day 17, things didn't go as planned. Managed to finish some work, though my brain whined a bit. But of all the work at hand, I picked the least urgent one:rolleyes:. Guess I'm still avoiding stress like a habit.
     
  19. stone

    stone Member

    Day 18, had planned to start a task, but ended up slacking again. I need to boost my motivation on Mondays. Really getting tired of the routine of working on weekends to make up for the time I wasted on slacking. And after a day with almost nothing done, my urges became stronger.
     
    Professor Chaos likes this.
  20. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Active Member

    Hey Stone,

    Have you ever read The War of Art? It was a massive eye opener for me as an artist. It introduces the concept of resistance as a physical force. Once that feeds on feeling of guilt and inertia. The two feed one another.

    One of the common threads I see posted is how much people get done when P stops taking up all of their time. I realized that for myself P is something I use to block my own creativity and roadblocks me from getting things finished.

    I have some tips for avoiding procrastination if you’d be interested.

    Make sure you take care of yourself as well. No task is worth your sobriety. Good luck, Brother.

    PC
     

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