The long and painful farewell

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by stone, Feb 23, 2019.

  1. stone

    stone Member

    Day 3, seems like I will be stuck with these cravings for a while. There were a few times I considered the option of a quick MO to make the tension go away, but that was some lame rationalization, right? I wish a wet dream would save me, but considering my poor sleep quality, it probably won't happen anytime soon (I tend to wake up too early and have trouble going back to sleep).
     
  2. stone

    stone Member

    Day 4, stayed up late last night, my head had been heavy all day, got not much energy to do anything. The cravings seemed withered too.
     
  3. stone

    stone Member

    Day 5, still sleep deprived, gonna make it to bed early today.
     
  4. stone

    stone Member

    Day 6, waked up from a nightmare with wildfire involved, but still felt much better after an OK night's sleep. It was a sunny day not to be wasted in dark corners.
     
  5. stone

    stone Member

    Day 7, waked up too early. The urges came back, but were still bearable.
     
  6. stone

    stone Member

    Day 0, waked at 4 am, couldn't go back to sleep, browsed some pics, but thankfully stopped before MO. I'd better try my best to focus more on the real life, otherwise this journal may not last long.
     
  7. stone

    stone Member

    Day 1, sleep deprived, everything seemed dull and the weather was annoyingly wet.
     
  8. stone

    stone Member

    Day 2, still struggling with my poor sleep quality.
     
  9. stone

    stone Member

    Day 0, I'm gonna leave my phone in the office from now on:(. Can't trust myself during a severe insomnia phase.
     
  10. stone

    stone Member

    Day 1, slept in to make up for the time lost to insomnia, still felt dizzy all day.
     
  11. stone

    stone Member

    Day 2, spent most of the day in the wild, felt relaxed and peaceful even after a night of not much sleep.
     
  12. stone

    stone Member

    Day 3, finally got a good night sleep, motivated enough to get some work done.
     
  13. stone

    stone Member

    Day 4, got roasted by my boss lol, but I should have seen it coming. Damn, I should have kicked myself harder to work on the tasks! Now I'm thinking maybe the insomnia originated from procrastination? I remember it emerged during my third year of college. I would woke at 3am finding myself anxious, mostly about study and future. I wasn't procrastinating on study by then, but wasn't doing my best either. I was just doing my bare minimum to get through the classes, all the while being very aware that I could've done way much more. Back then I hadn't made the connection between porn and my problems. To get a couple more hours of sleep, I would tell myself to ignore the worrying thoughts, stop thinking about them, let them go. It still works sometimes. But now I think I should've never muted them. I believe it was my subconscious telling me my life went very wrong somewhere and I should do something about it. Either properly finish my daily work and right the wrongs or ignore them, give up and totally let go, otherwise I think I would forever be stuck with insomina. I'm not ready to let go yet, definitely don't want to, so l'll deal with my problems head on. (Sorry for the long post, guess my boss really knocked some sense into me, hope so:rolleyes:. Also a bit earlier than usual, but got something to pourt out, and I think the rest of the day would be safe.)
     
  14. stone

    stone Member

    Day 5, to take up sth left behind long ago can be really hard and stressful. Remember not to do it again.
     
  15. stone

    stone Member

    Day 6, urges were actually stronger after a wet dream (the sleep was OK, but totally not expecting this). Thankfully saved by a busy schedule.
     
  16. stone

    stone Member

    Day 7, felt a bit tired and sleepy, kept myself busy all day to avoid longing for the fantasies.
     
  17. stone

    stone Member

    Day 8, a busy weekend, to catch up with the stuff I left behind. Getting really irritable recently.
     
  18. stone

    stone Member

    Day 9, low efficiency, but the tasks helped to keep the urges at bay.
     
  19. stone

    stone Member

    Day 10, new month, new beginning:)
     
  20. stone

    stone Member

    Day 11, stayed up late last night. Just some minor urges, felt dizzy most of the day.
     

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