Hi all. I found this site a while ago when I was feeling guilty about my PMO habit and forgot about it. But I have reached a point in my life where I realize that my addiction is real and I need to do something about it. I have been reading the journals and feel great for those who are beating this thing. Hopefully I'll be able to add to the inspiration with my own success. My Story: I just turned 50 last year and have been doing PMO for almost as long as I can remember. It probably first started when I was 12-13 years old and found some black and white magazines in my older brother's closet. Upon finding them I felt all tingling when looking at the pictures. I don't remember actually M while looking at them but I know they excited me. Throughout my high school years I remember looking at girls but would never approach them, I would go home after school and M almost everyday. I also remember getting caught in my room by my mother. She didn't say anything at the time but I knew she was going to tell my father. My father did sit down and talk to me. He wasn't mad but he said something that I think has affected me for all these years. He said I shouldn't be doing it and if I got caught again I would have to do it in front of the rest of my family. Remember that this was the 70's so people's mindset about M was that it was bad for you and shouldn't be done. That scared me to death. I still continued to do it but was always worried about being caught. In a twisted way it was sort of exciting worrying about that. My M habits continued and I even remember doing it in class (this is so embarassing to admitting to this), but I must come clean like any other addict. I did in school a few times and I remember it being very exciting. I didn't have a bad childhood and there was no abuse or anything like that, it was a very normal upbringing except for my habit. I had one girlfriend in high school but we never went past 2nd base. At 18 I joined the military and was sent overseas. I got married within a year and thought I wouldn't ever worry about PMO again. But I started soon after being married. I don't know why, but the sex I was having was basically fumbling around and not really knowing what I was doing. Over the years I got divorced and my PMO grew progressively worse. I had access to all the adult magazines you could imagine. I was living alone and never had to worry about getting caught. I would spend weekends at home with all the newest magazines, I felt like I was in heaven. I got married a second time and she was a sexual dynamo. I thought wow, this is exactly what I'm looking for. I remember that the sex was good and I really didn't think about PMO at all. This marriage didn't last long, too opposite and she was much younger than me. Around this time the internet was just beginning and there wasn't much available but it was growing quickly. Well, here it is twenty years later and I am an PMO addict. I've been through all the ups and downs of an addict. Very high at times and very low at others. As YBOP says the dopamine levels in your brain go through the roof when I would surf the net. And it's also true that as you do it longer the craving is harder to satisfy. It starts with softcore and the next thing I know I'm looking at TS, girl on girl, BDSM etc. As I sit here and write this I can't believe how much time I've spent viewing porn. I looked forward to any time I would have by myself so I could surf. I did get married a third time and have been married for the last twenty years. It's a great marriage except for the bedroom. I know that it's been my fault and I know I suffer from P ED as I would get all excited for P but with my wife, nothing. As I've researched this more and more I know what it comes from. It's not age or physical condition (I'm a part time personal trainer) it's the damn porn. How my wife has put up with this, I have no idea. I know she is aware but she never says anything. I am sitting down with her tomorrow and explaining all of this and let her know how I feel and what I'm going to do about it. Kicking this addiction will be without a doubt be the most challenging thing I'll ever do and I've done some challenging things. I drank a lot for about 30 years and 3 and a half years ago I decided to quit. I did it and haven't had a drop since. It wasn't nearly the challenge that this is. Well, that's my story, hope it didn't sound to rambling, but I need to do something about this addiction. I want my life back free of this crap. Tomorrow will be day 7 with no PMO. Not sure how I'm suppose to feel, but as they say 1 day at a time.