Anger remains an issue. It hit a turning point two weeks ago when I was having a particularly bad stretch work-wise that I finally lost it in front of my girlfriend and I said in the middle of it "I give up, I'm going back". Then my girlfriend looks at me with this heartbroken look and said "If you truly are giving up, please tell me. Because it means you're giving up on me, too". That was the end of our meal that night and for the next 12 hours or so, the end of our relationship. What followed was the longest night of my life as I messaged and messaged her but she won't respond. I called and I called but she wouldn't pick up the phone. I finally came to her the next morning and said that I'm sorry I said that in the manner that I did and that I wish I could undo what I said because I want to be with her. I didn't break up with her but that was the message that she got when I said that. I was very angry that day. I don't know how she had the capacity for it but we patched things up. I sobbed like a baby when she hugged me. She's special this girl. She's got a golden heart. I've been thinking about my anger and can only come up with 2 solutions: 1. I probably haven't been as accepting of reality as I've been telling myself. There's a lot of resistance to the idea that after porn and my domineering mother there's still bigger fish to fry life-wise and there's always going to be bigger fish to fry. 2. After controlling what girl and which scenes I want to cum to for so long, it's difficult to accept when things are not in your control. I feel like I'm doing an immediate gratification to delayed gratification exercise on extreme difficulty.