The Greatest Battles Are Fought Within: Road to Redemption

Sorry Pedigree. Hope all gonna be fine...

 

Thanks tsmith, UD, JP, Gameover, ASG, and Success4Sure

The hours after my last post were some of my scariest. I was just so scared. But then I got a phonecall. It was her! And she sounded great! She made it through and things stabilized for her. She asked me that I did not need to be by her side and that she wants me to stay here and focus on the tasks at hand.

Long day at the business trip yesterday. Not only because we had a busy schedule but also because I practically did not sleep the while night.

She's still in some post-surgery pain because they had taken her off the painkillers. I asked her to continue being brave for me.

The business trip ends today so I will see her soon.

 

That's great news, man.

 

Very glad to hear Pedigree!

 

All is finally fine

 

Awesome.

 

That are very good news, and I can see how much you care for this person, take care of her man

 

All good news and can't wait to hear stories of you two reunited together

 

Hi all,

It was a hectic ending to the year work-wise, then holidays, and now I'm back into work again for the new year so I want to take some time out to post.

I had an emotional reunion with her. We were just glad to see each other again. She, I think more than me. It's been 5 weeks or so since the surgery and I'm happy to say she's all but made full recovery. The only signs left that she's had a medical procedure is the fact that she still can't carry heavy weights.

I've peeked at porn a few times, I have to say at this point the impact is negligible.

Still do a bit of stress-based MOing though much like porn, the impact is negligible. 12-18 hours of no MO and I'm ready to go a round or two with the girl.

There's a trend these days where when I'm having sex, I can feel it when I orgasm for the first time inside her but subsequent orgasms, I don't. I don't know if that's a leftover from all the deathgrips but that's what happens. I say "I didn't think I came", she says "You definitely did", I say "There's no way", I suddenly feel relaxed and drained, then I say "Yeah, I came".

 

Glad to hear you guys are reunited. Must feel really good

 

I just took down my counters because I hadn't been counting the days in a while.

Things that I still have to work on/live with:
-Not MOing when I'm bored or stressed. I still have this tendency when I'm bored/stressed. Thankfully the urge to continually MO is kept in check by the fact an orgasm by my hand doesn't compare to an orgasm by my girlfriend's hand.
-The "Excitement factor" as tsmith says in his journal. I've got an overwhelming impulse to buy books and actually get a rush from making a purchase. Whether or not I actually finish the book is another story.

I've peeked and watched porn but it's at a level that people would call "in moderation". No more all-day sessions for me.

Other than that it looks like this addiction is in the rear-view mirror.

 

Seems like you're not an addict anymore, porn has become just a tolerable nuances that take little precedence. Of course, you still need be aware and not indulge compulsively but your life is testament to your will and if you wanted to cut out porn 100% from your life, I have no ambivalence that you would.

Success Story.

 

Hey Pedigree, I'm glad to hear you're doing well with keeping P at bay, and having a positive sounding relationship with your girlfriend. Nice.

I can't relate to being able to view P "in moderation". For me, I've concluded that after 40 years of struggling with this addiction zero peeking is the only way.

 

I have "only" 10 years on my back but I'm the same. Peeking leads me to relapse and relapsing leads to more and more relapses. It's much easier for me to keep going forward without the taste of porn always fresh on my mouth.

Anyway, good job on staying positive, Pedigree.

 

I have this issue too. I didn't realise it might be connected to my former bad habit. I've always liked purchasing books but... now I'm confused.

 

Hey dude how is it going?

Did you move back to sydney? Or are you still in Asia?

 

Fullset, I am still in Asia. Two more weeks and it's the one year anniversary of me being here.

If you look at the first page of this journal, it was two years ago that I first joined these forums. I can only say that it's two full years. The first year is about correcting things internally and the second year is about the results of the first year starting to spill over to my real life.

The relationship is going okay 9 months on. Few arguments and fights here and there but it's a learning-by-doing process for me.

One thing I'm seeing clearly now that the porn's gone is that I have a lot pent up anger. Living under the thumb of a dominant mum for most of my life has meant that I pent a lot of things inside. Now that I've shaken loose of her (I'm not on speaking terms with her anymore), I've got a lot of anger surfacing and it's difficult for me to control. My girlfriend's noted this so I'm going to work on that starting with an anger journal.

 

Resolving anger with mom can only help your relationship. With much therapy I resolved my anger my my own mom which has made this marriage better, and when my mom died I had no unresolved issues to haunt me. An anger journal sounds positive.

 

I second the therapy approach. You are doing great though!