The Great Escape

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TroyTempest, Sep 8, 2020.

  1. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    Well, I'm here. I am new to this forum. Grateful it's here. I am in my 60s. Working to live free of the monkey that's been on my back. Your input welcome.

    TT
     
    positivef likes this.
  2. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Good to have you here, TT:)
    Sharing your history is a good place to start. Staying active on the forum is a great way to continue:)
    We're all in this together...
     
  3. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Welcome, TT! We're here to support you on your journey.

    I'm curious: from your perspective, did the advent of internet porn change the nature of the "monkey?"
     
    wareagle likes this.
  4. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Welcome aboard !
     
  5. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum TT!

    This forum has certainly helped me a lot during my reboot.

    I Sedona what NCBob said, sharing your history is a good place to start, and staying active on the forum is a great way to continue.
     
  6. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    Hi All:

    Thanks for the feedback and welcome greetings.

    My story is very loooooong, so I'll share in random installments.

    To answer Apeman's question. The internet weaponized porn for me. It's easy accessibility is toxic. For me, internet porn was not enough though. I had to find "phone and cyber companions" (I am not sure how blunt I can be here) and expose myself and family to serious dangers in terms of info sharing. All very scary, as I write this. There is no privacy in modern porn. Used to be you bought a "girly" magazine and only your news agent knew about it. Now, if you subscribe to any internet porn, your info is out there available to the rest of the world. It's all very sick and I am rambling. Just giving you a side of all this you may not have thought about. As I often write in my journal "Ugh." Why have I subjected myself to all this? I really don't deserve it.

    Thanks for reading.

    Input, welcome.
    TT
     
  7. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Welcome. It is amazing what crazy and dangerous things we do when under influence and craving a dopamine fix. Good luck.
     
    TroyTempest likes this.
  8. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Thanks for taking the time to give us some insight, TT. Guys like me only ever knew porn as something you could access freely and easily on the internet, so I'm always interested in the perspective of guys who witnessed the Transition. You must have a deeper appreciation for what makes internet porn different.
     
  9. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    I hear that brother.
     
  10. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    The accessibility of Internet porn makes it a thousand times for toxic than the old printed page or the videocassette. You could conceivably be online all day surfing (the voice of experience) without seeing the same thing twice. You could at one time dump your stash and avoid the newsstand and video store, now that opportunity is gone. Also, even the internet stuff has morphed into a free for all. Used to be there were pay sites, now all this garbage is one click away -FOR FREE! It takes courage, commitment and shedding all ambivalence completely (my failing) to stay the path. It always did, but now it's much, much harder. There I go yapping again.

    Thanks for reading, input welcome
    TT
     
    axebattler likes this.
  11. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    That’s a good point to always be aware of.
     
  12. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    Very stressed out about event I have organized for today. I am thinking, as always, that it's going to be a total failure. Very triggering. Want to act out. Ugh.

    Trying to shift gears because my thoughts have hijacked my mind and I know on a logical level that's all about thoughts. The event can be a total failure or a total success or something in between, which is probably more likely. Thing is, the event is in the future and I cannot live there, no one can. It's going to be fine and in the end, is it going to matter? On my deathbed, am I going to think of it? Am I more likely to think, "I was stressed out, but I stayed sober." Probably won't think about either one. LOL!

    I know this sounds like a lot of drama, but I am trying to work this out by writing here instead of surfing for porn or checking to see if my cyberpals are awake.

    It's going to be alright. I've done all the inputs, now it's up to the universe. By 3 p.m. it's gonna be done. Tomorrow the sun will come up. I am allowed to destress from 'DEFCON5" to DEFCON4. LOL.

    Thanks for reading.
    TT
     
    NCBob likes this.
  13. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Doesn't sound at all like drama, TT. When our mind isn't able to wrap itself around how we feel (which is most the time), it does crazy things. Getting yourself into the present moment is the best thing you can do for yourself:)
     
  14. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum, TT. From the looks of your avatar, you don't look a day over 20! :D
    Stress relief has been my main reason for using, so I can relate to your anxiety about your presentation. But you're right, when it's over, no one will worry about how it was presented but you. So don't worry about it.I know, easy for me to say! Really though, you'll be fine.
    Glad you've decided to come here and post about your experiences rather than fall back on this destructive habit of ours.
     
    positivef likes this.
  15. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    My brain is overwhelm. So much work (lucky to have it), but it's stressing me out.
     
  16. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Do you have a method for dealing with stress in a healthy way?
     
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  17. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    Hi Positivef: Thanks for posting. I have a CBT technique that I discovered in David Burns book Feeling Good. It's three columns Automatic Thought, Cognitive Distortion, and Rational Thought. It is helpful, but I would have to do it about 20 times a day. You know what's easier - just clicking on porn and medicating myself until I am so miserable I just have to stop. I have learned a lot of methods to manage stress in a healthy way. Now if I could just apply them consistently. The short answer is that I am ambivalent about quitting for good. I defeat myself.

    A very scary thought.

    Thanks,
    TT
     
    positivef likes this.
  18. TroyTempest

    TroyTempest New Member

    Hello Mozenjo: I have a wooden personality.
     

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