The Get-My-Boner-Back Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by MrShawn, Apr 4, 2012.

  1. MrShawn

    MrShawn New Member

    Sup yall, starting a journal for support and to keep myself in check in reclaiming my sex drive. I don't really know how to start this off, considering the subject matter... I guess I'll follow the crowd and give my story...

    First, I'm recently 21. Having an internet addiction for a long time, I started using internet porn when I was around 9 or so. Young as shit, I know. It wasn't til I was 14 or so that I started getting into crazier types of porn. Shortly after, I started slowly losing my erection capabilities while with real partners. With porn it started taking longer to finish, many more videos to bust, and I'd frequently lose my erection out of boredom with the material, being forced into using more messed up genres of porn. Now, I CAN of getting an erection, but I've become so jaded from porn that real girls rarely get me rigid enough (if at all) to even get it in.

    Last weekend, I went to a girl's house, whom I liked physically, and couldn't get hard enough to have sex with. I felt (still do) so ashamed that I was considering talking to a doctor about boner pills, it was that or declaring celibacy forever... It was by luck that the videos from YourBrainOnPorn were so easy to find (as opposed to those videos that just say ED in 20 yr olds is natural), especially since I didn't even think about how porn might've been influencing my mind, especially in non-sex related things, like my social anxiety and low motivation. I has a bit of doubt about the extent of the benefits of rebooting, but I have hope that it'll restore my functions, and I have nothing to lose.

    As it stands. I'm only on my 2nd day, it'll be Day 3 in a bit. I've definitely gone longer than this, but usually I was with a group of friends for a long time and no opportunity to diddle my wiener. So I don't know what to expect. I'm pretty frustrated and irritable, but I'm doing okay. I think I'm going to go for 2 months, 3 if I feel I need longer. I want to make sure that my system is restored to the way it should be, so I'm laying off porn-less masturbation, and I'm trying not to fantasize too much. I'll allow myself sex with girls if the opportunity arises, since the point is to replace porn with the real thing.

    Comments and suggestions greatly appreciated =)
     
  2. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Welcome, and congrats on recognizing the destructive force of P at an early age.

    Since you ask for suggestions, here are four.

    1. You write, "I think I'm going to go for 2 months, 3 if I feel I need longer." I think it's easier to reboot and to avoid relapse if you make the decision never to view or M to P again. If you read some of the other journals on this site, you'll find the same sentiment.

    2. Some say you should avoid orgasms completely during the reboot. I'm not sure that's necessary for everyone. However, I think abstaining from M and MO during the reboot is essential. After recovery, porn-free M and MO in moderation is probably fine (but never PMO). However, since the brain associates it with porn, I'd recommend no monkeyspanking during the reboot.

    3. This process may be unpleasant and difficult and most certainly will be tedious and/or frustrating. Recognize that those feelings are indications of the malign effect PMO has had on your brain and that their occurrence is proof that you are making progress in healing and recovery.

    4. Don't underestimate the importance of breaking this addiction. Read other journals to see how it can screw up a man's life. Again, you are to be congratulated for dealing with this early on.

    Be strong.
     
  3. MrShawn

    MrShawn New Member

    Thanks for the response Spinergy! =) I'm hoping if this reboot is a success, I might be able to cope with lack of porn if I'm allowed to masturbate. After I finish the reboot, I think I'll restrict my masturbation to once a week? Much better off than multiple times a day.

    Day 3

    Yesterday was extremely hard, no pun intended. Especially in the morning. I had to fight all I could to not jerk it, and especially to keep my mind from fantasizing. I'm finding it really hard to focus on tasks when I'm horny, cuz usually when I popped a boner when I'm doing something, I'd do that and then get back to what I'm doing. Specifically, I was practicing guitar. I know that tasks and hobbies help you not think about sex, but it hit's like a bitch when you're already aroused. Any comment on this? Does it become easier to concentrate or is it something I have to learn to deal with?

    Day 4, today

    Today was pretty easy compared to yesterday. I'd been at work nearly the entire day, so I'd been too distracted to be overwhelmed by the reboot. I just got home and I even though I'm getting a bit of an urge, I don't intend on spanking my monkey.

    I have some self analysis/ porn usage origin stuff I want to talk about because it's the only thing I can bring myself to think about right now. It'll be boring for some, but I really want to put my thoughts into words, and this is the only place I can do that.

    I want to emphasize that even though I've had sex before (some glorious, some limp disasters), I'm pretty undersexed. The entire day I'd been dwelling on my own inadequacy with women (I'd been shitty with socializing even before porn, but I think that it played a role in stunting my development), and it's not just that I know I'll only have a 1/3 erection by the time her clothes are off.

    In the early parts of my porn addiction (between when I lost my virginity and when I started getting signs of ED), every time I wanted to have sex with a girl and couldn't, whether she didn't like me or it was a distance issue (this specifically refers to grade-school when I didn't have a car) or whatever, I'd open up the porn site of choice to jerk it and lose interest, and then do whatever. Somewhere along the line I replaced what little real world socializing with girls I did with artificiality (porn), and it turned into me not bothering to pursue girls in any meaningful way, just jerking it and numbing the need for female attention. Basically a sedation for relationship trouble.

    What it turned into was me jerking it when I wasn't all that horny, and decided that I should since I hadn't done it in a few hours (as well as to calm my negative feelings), like a routine thing like brushing your teeth. But I can't necessarily say it was a normal regular thing to do, like when people say masturbation is natural. I think my porn use got seriously bad in a way to replace my real world desire for women. Subconsciously.

    Or I could just be thinking too hard.
     
  4. Losing Neverland

    Losing Neverland New Member

    Hello,

    Congratulations for making a start on changing your life.

    Yes, masturbation can become a routine like cleaning your teeth. I also suggest that you abstain from it completely until you have developed healthy habits. Yes, it's very difficult, but when you're ready you will emmerge fully formed like a butterfly.
     
  5. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

    Good work man, continue keep going , thanks for the reply, i like ur journal
     
  6. MrShawn

    MrShawn New Member

    Day 5

    I went jogging around noon. I was reminded how much I need to do it more often, cuz I was gassed out. 2/3 through I had to walk the way back.

    Last night/this morning, I went to a coworkers birthday party. Long story short, me and this woman from work were shitfaced drunk and I attempted sex in the living room. I felt satisfied that I was able to let my frustration out, but I STILL couldn't get hard. WTF. I want to rule it out as whiskey dick, but I can't help but shake that it was just me again...

    Day 6, today

    I wouldn't say I'm hungover so much as that I'm still drunk from the night before. I feel like shit about last night. I don't want to jack off right now. I want to punch someone in the face. Even with no PMO, I STILL couldn't get an erection. The worst part is that I'm barely suffering through this reboot. Day 3 was the worst, after that I've barely felt anything I had to overcome.

    Seriously, how do you go 4+ days between your last erection??

    Edit: As it stands, I have flaccid horniness right now. This is bullshit. I hate this!!!
     
  7. MrShawn

    MrShawn New Member

    Day 7

    It's 10am atm, morning horniness is in, but the boner isn't there. In fact, the only time my Johnson reached erection the entire reboot was Day 3. I've only had flaccid horniness. Without the porn, it really is insightful on how bad my ED really is. I'm anticipating that I'll have to reboot for 3-4 months.
     
  8. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

    just keep hanging in there, be careful dont let your guard down..

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=345.0
     
  9. MrShawn

    MrShawn New Member

    Day 9

    Being away from Porn and Masturbation has been giving me time to think about how things are goin. Since PMO stopped, it's urking me more how unexciting being at home is. I want more friends, and obviously to get a girlfriend, but I want to be amazing at something, anything.

    I think the first step is to cut down on my internet use. I spend way too much fuckin time on this thing. I've noticed that getting caught up in the Internet has the same sedating effect that porn has for me, though not in the "I need to rub myself to make this urge go away" context, but the "being online puts me in a trance of searching and wandering for useless stimulation I don't really care about for several hours a day, everyday" kind of context. It blinds me from whats real.
     
  10. wayne_992

    wayne_992 New Member

    yes thats one of the many benefits of stopping ,it gives you time to see things in a different light, clears up the brain
     
  11. tymbles

    tymbles Guest

    Once you're not running to PMO every time you see a problem to ignore the fog really starts to clear. I hope it brings good things for you, great job so far.
     
  12. MrShawn

    MrShawn New Member

    Day 10

    Business as usual as far as the reboot is concerned. In the past few days my morning wood has been getting a lil firmer. Of coarse when I get a full on erection, it makes me want to rub one off even more, so I guess we're about to kick it into high gear.

    This girl I know wants to hang out, so I'm hoping that if it comes to it, my crotch hamster is ready to go this time. I haven't wanked since the 2nd, and the lack of PMO has improved the quality of my erection capabilities a tad. We'll see what magical adventures happen tonight.
     
  13. MrShawn

    MrShawn New Member

    Day 16

    Long time no post. I've mostly been swamped between school, work, and my band. Still holdin out though. I had a night with a girl (the one mentioned before), but I had to tittyfuck her to get off cuz she was on the rag. Did pretty well stayin up the whole time, but I need to know if I can go the whole way without losin it. Went to a strip club with some family, cuz why not. I'm sure that's gotta be a no-no during reboot, but in my eyes anything that gets me out of the house is a good thing. Didn't get hard once the entire night, no matter how many strippers rubbed my face in their boobs. Had fun, but I was kinda bummed, cuz this Porn and Internet addiction has made me really lonely, and since I can't jerk it I don't have an escape. I'm having a tough time socializing. Guess that's recovery for ya.
     

Share This Page