The evil that is femdom porn

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Like a rolling stone, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. Hello everyone,

    A newbie here, somewhat relieved to have found a like-minded community but also utterly depressed at my current situation.

    I am 30 and I've been looking at porn since my early-teens and watching internet porn since my mid-teens. I have anxiety and depression for which I have previously received therapy and medication - although I have nothing at the moment. I have never, however, revealed to anyone the extent of my porn usage. It is not just the extent but also the content which is pretty extreme (mainly on a femdom angle - but also with some stuff which has me questioning my sexuality). I last PMO'd this morning.

    Looking back, it has affected my life in quite a considerable way. I've only ever had one proper relationship with a girl - that lasted around three years (between the ages of 18 and 21) - but it was totally unsatisfying sexually throughout. It probably didn't help that we were both virgins and didn't really know what we were doing - but also what didn't help was the fact that I still viewed the extreme porn, eventually incorporating it into the relationship. While it was at a fairly low-level, consensual basis (e.g. kissing her feet), there didn't seem to be much wrong - but, of course, I pressed the boundaries (she didn't get spanking at all) and eventually she called it off, probably thinking I was a freak.

    Also, I still live at home with my parents and I would not say I am particularly emotionally developed for the adult world, even at 30. I have moved out before but I've always found it too tough and ended up back with the folks. My general state of anxiety is quite high at the moment and I have long before come to the realisation that the porn is a major contributory factor in everything that's wrong with my life.

    Nevertheless, I've never done anything about it properly before and I even PMO'd this morning. So, the other problem which I have realised is that I don't really know how to beat this on my own. Also, I'm utterly, utterly petrified.

    Thanks for reading,
    Pete
     
  2. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    I know exactly how you feel man.

    I found that particular genre to be very addictive. Good news for us is that we're aware of what it's done to us, and now we can rid ourselves of it forever, and heal our lives.


    I'm 20 and in a similar position. I moved to a new city when I graduated high school. And due to my generalized anxiety, social anxiety and general social awkwardness, it was very very hard to live. I had a job and a place to live, but I had no real life to live.


    So as I got more and more depressed, job was harder to keep and I eventually decided to quit so I didn't get fired.


    Moved back in with parents so I pay no rent, and things are more stable. Plus I help buy groceries so it helps them out too.


    I'm planning to do this until I'm completely healed. I'll get my own place as soon as I'm socially sufficient. Due to my weak willpower I've prolonged this reboot but even so, I'm winning this battle! I'm almost there, after 17 months I'm feeling better every single day. Confidence is coming back and believe it or not I'm actually developing some charisma :)


    Keep at it, great things lie ahead!
     
  3. brummie82

    brummie82 New Member

    *Trigger warning*

    This subject title is pretty much spot on. Femdom can be a particularly sinister & addictive kind of porn especially with regards to escalation.

    You can't tell your mates down the pub that you like being treated like shit by pretty girls. It's taboo and secretive. That's where the shame comes in.

    I started off liking soft-core stuff like foot fetish & verbal humiliation but it got really out of control. I ended up in the world of Financial Domination, SPH, cuck, blackmail and crazy shit like that.

    All this stuff really takes a toll on our emotional well-being. The secrecy, the isolation, the double life, the covering of tracks and the guilt. Oh that guilt. It's hard to shake. And that's what keeps us trapped.

    Fantasy and reality overlap. We can feel shame about what turns us on - about who we've become. The feelings are difficult to deal with. The only response we've learned is PMO.

    Some of these aspects of Femdom/Findom can affect people in a profound way. There's some fucked up stuff out there. Some Dommes specialise in the likes of 'Home-wrecking' & Forced Intox. I've seen some subs who are so far gone they're beyond all hope.

    And all the self deprecating bullshit that goes hand in with this type of porn brings us further down. We begin to believe we're worthless.

    I'm angry at having got sucked into this shit for so long. It's time to end it.
     
  4. Thecutler

    Thecutler Guest

    Been a member of this site for a couple years and i don't seem to be getting anywhere with beating my femdom addiction, its just so deeply engraved into my mind.
     
  5. JerseyJay911

    JerseyJay911 New Member

    Same here, but I've had my domination (not bdsm) fetish even before watching porn. There's nothing I can do to get rid of it, so I have started incorporating it with girls I date (with success). I also do paid sessions once in a while, but I hope to quit that once I reboot.
     
  6. brummie82

    brummie82 New Member

    I don't think we will suddenly stop being attracted to these fetishes. Repression may not be the best idea.

    But we can certainly control our responses to triggers. We can find healthier ways of dealing with negative emotions. We can choose whether or not to fuel our addictions.

    Personally, I want to get to a stage where femdom & findom no longer have an adverse affect on my life. I don't want it to consume me like it has for so long.

    I've used it to substitute my real life relationship. Porn has killed intimacy for me. It's time to get my life back.
     
  7. Mile

    Mile New Member

    I know this thread is a little old but I have to reply

    While I still have this fetish I can say that I have dramatically weakened it. I used to be attracted exclusively to domination scenarios. Well over a year ago I found out about domination porn. At first I wasn't attracted to it since I usually fantasized about physical domination or something in movies or books that I interpreted as 'dominating'. I wanted to express my desire some way so after a while the domination pornography started to arouse me. I fantasized about all kinds of scenarios primarily femdom that I would not try out in real life. I severely disliked my fantasies and eventually I somehow started to fantasize about dominating rather than being dominated. Much Later I started to fantasize about girls(something I was sure I would never be able to do). However due to obsessive checking if my fetish was still there, I rewired to it. It is not nearly as strong as before and I find it difficult if not impossible to fantasize about several old scenarios. From my experience the best way to eliminate a fetish is to first stop watching the porn, second fantasize about something else. Even if your attraction is weak with time and regular fantasizing(not forced) you can gain as much pleasure from regular fantasies as from femdom. Third, push your desires and fantasies in another direction and feel content with it. Don't repress, just express them in a different way and emphasize on negative feelings (humiliation, general uncomfortableness) in domination fantasies when ever you think about them.

    If you really want to end your fetish, never give up. Know that you can be just as happy without it. Realize that it is truly making you insecure and unhappy. Associate it with unhappiness and fear rather than go along with the perversion. Find happiness in other ways.

    I am confident that I can annihilate this fetish on my own. I just need to stop checking obsessively.
     
  8. determinedperson

    determinedperson New Member

    Realize that this is an evil, distorted lifestyle. You are a man, and a man is supposed to be dominant. Think about it DEEPLY. If I were a genie and you had a choice between basking in femdom permanently, and becoming an athlete alpha male, which would you choose? See, when you think about it rationally, being a male with success with the ladies is MUCH, MUCH better than the EVIL, incorrect, and heinous lifestyle that is femdom. Be strong. Do not succumb to weakness. You can do it.

    Always believe that femdom is a CHOICE that you decided to pick for yourself, but fortunately, it is a reversible choice. It is never too late to make the right CHOICES (THERE IS NO SOLID EVIDENCE THAT SAYS FETISHES ARE PERMANENT).
     
  9. Mile

    Mile New Member

    I feel that whether you gained this fetish by pornography or in early childhood, there is always a way out. I myself was 'born' a masochist but with a strong hate for these feelings I managed to eliminate most of my unwanted desires. It isn't always so much about reversing the desires as it is about expressing them in a completely different way. These days I can find normal scenarios just as satisfying as the femdom ones many of which I am no longer attracted to. If you really hate your fetish you probably can leave it. Accepting it just doesn't do it for me.
     
  10. Righteous dude

    Righteous dude New Member

    I'm so glad I didn't go too far in my femdom obsession and do something irreversible. Financial ruin & debt, permanent disfigurement, disability, kidnapping, trauma etc. Even death itself can happen when you mess around with BDSM & Femdom too deeply. I even heard about people who supposedly "disappeared" voluntarily to some asian countries to be snuffed out. Some really sick stuff out there in the world and I'm sure there's even sicker things I've not heard about.
     
  11. Rapha

    Rapha Active Member

    @Mile

    Thanks for posting that. What you have said makes sense. When you stop feeding certain desires, the power they hold over us may well diminish over time.

    I’m interested to know how you’re going about re-wiring to “healthier” fantasies (mine are so entrenched in Femdom I haven’t been able to see a way out until you mentioned this). So are you suggesting we re-wire by MB-ing to girls / vanilla sex or just (repeatedly) mentally fantasising about it? After all, we’re trying to abstain from Mb at the moment so it’s a bit of a Catch 22 situation.

    But I like what you are suggesting – to associate femdom with negative/destructive feelings and to instead focus on more ‘regular’ fantasies. I’ve developed a belief that I ‘need’ femdom but maybe that’s not true.
     
  12. Mile

    Mile New Member

    The point is to stop viewing normal fantasies as lesser or 'vanilla'. If you are even a little aroused by women you should be able to build up that desire. By abstaining from MO for several days, your desire should go up. You might have to use ordinary porn to rewire but fantasizing about real situations also helps. Don't force yourself just let it come gently. If a femdom thought comes to your mind think about the negatives and how aweful it would feel and brush it away.
     
  13. Striveforpurity

    Striveforpurity All praise and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

    All porn is evil not just femdom. Evil actions first begin as evil thoughts. If we keep our minds pure, we don’t have to worry about sinful actions.
     
  14. Dolphinsman01

    Dolphinsman01 New Member

    Is this the same site as nofap.org
     
  15. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Expand on that for me....


    Like underground bdsm/femdom cultures that are are real life and not temporary roleplay?
     
  16. Righteous dude

    Righteous dude New Member

    Yes, things like 24/7 slavery and so called no-limits slavery. When people start fantasizing about sleeping in a dogcage every night or being shackled in the basement and tortured. The extreme spectrum of BDSM when the line between consensual and abuse becomes blurry.
     
  17. toxicviper23

    toxicviper23 Guest

    Shit man my first reaction to this was to become aroused.


    Kind of shows how far this kind of weird kinky shit affects us. Nothing but a naked girl should arouse me like that!


    PMO free FOREVER! Keep going strong :)
     
  18. Mr J

    Mr J Guest

    I've found anything to do with femdom porn is a whole nother level of addiction than regular shit.
    It is pretty evil, but must be treated the same way during our recoveries.
     
  19. neale

    neale New Member


    You sound a bit like me pete. You're not alone mate
     
  20. fedmom

    fedmom Member

    Anyone with this addiction the cure is to increase serotonin. There is a thread in my profile with a method on how this is done.
     

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