Hey. I'm Acanthus, and I think I may have porn-related ED. I'm in my early thirties, and a married father of two. I've been masturbating since the age of twelve, and started on my father's hidden Playboys by the age of 13. By 15, I had moved to online porn, and at 16, my father took the door off my room for having found porn on the computer. Rather than take this shock as the motivation to stop, as I now wish I had done, I took it as the motivation to get sneakier about it. I was always a bit of a nerd in high school, always managing to somehow play the nice guy that women complain about their boyfriends to, but never anyone's romantic interest. I'm beginning to wonder if some of this wasn't due to my PMO. At the age of 21, I lost my virginity to my future wife, and it was only then that I realized I had a problem. About half the time, I was unable to either get it up at all or keep it hard to completion. We started out blaming it on nerves, then on the anti-depressants I was taking. Over time, we flitted through excuses like not being attracted to her, stress, psychological issues, or even physical problems. She even mentioned it might be due to porn, but I laughed it off at that point. Eventually, it became performance anxiety, as my wife was less and less willing to go to the trouble if I was unable to perform. By the age of 25, I was only able to stay hard to completion maybe a third of the time, and now? Probably one in four. Our sex life is solely about me due to these issues, and we use lube way too often because she doesn’t have time to get aroused before I have to make my move. Sex has become a series of superstitions about how to overcome these issues, and is not at all romantic. We’re always worrying that if he comes out and sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter. It certainly hasn’t been easy on our marriage, that’s for sure. Stepping back, I continued PMO after I got a girlfriend originally because she was a part of it. When we were apart, there were sexy IMs and sexy webcam chats. Once we were married, I continued partly because she was only interested in sex occasionally, and I thought I was doing her a favor by taking care of my own libido between these times, maybe once every three days or so. Part was also that she seemed somewhat okay with it, masturbating to porn herself occasionally, and sometimes watching it together for mutual masturbation. Once we had our first kid, it became not only a thing for sexual gratification, but also a stress reliever, and due to the stress of an infant with some health issues, I was PMO’ing daily or twice a day just for that tiny splash of chemicals. Eventually, I swallowed my pride and went to my doctor to see if anything could be done in that realm. She gave me a bunch of tests, and said I had slightly low testosterone, and I might be able to clear everything up by just wearing a patch. She referred me to a urologist to better assess my options. He did more tests, determined that my testosterone wasn’t low enough to be having problems (especially considering my young age), and since I had no obvious physical defects, he was no longer concerned with the cause of my ED, only in treatment. We tried a variety of products, to expensive but middling success. Nothing would really allow us to be spontaneous without taking out a second mortgage, and it still wasn’t a magic bullet. I’m one of less than five young guys in his practice, and he’s never even hinted that PMO might be a possible issue. So that brings us up to today. A variety of factors bring me to this decision to forego PMO. First, the above history, as I feel like I’ve tried just about everything else. Second, my wife recently told me that the boyfriend of one of our friends has diabetes-related ED and is unwilling to do diet and medication to get his diabetes under control, even to be able to have sex with his girlfriend. I made fun of him for being unwilling to try such a straightforward solution when my issue has been so elusive, but now I’m feeling somewhat like a hypocrite for not trying this option right in front of me. Last, my oldest recently turned three, and I’d like her to be able to learn to use the computer. I’d rather not depend on my ability to outsmart her forever in hiding my porn activities from her, so it’s a good time for me to make the cutoff. I have serious concerns about my libido still outpacing my wife’s desires, even if I can perform consistently, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. That said, I’ve now been off PMO since July 30th, so…by the time I post this, it will be the twelfth day. I just really needed some people to talk to about this, because I obviously can’t talk to my friends or family about this, and it’s getting more and more difficult. My wife is supportive, but she can only do so much. I’m trying to make a goal of my anniversary near the end of October, and put my sexual energies into planning a day or two trip to try me out in a hotel, with the kids at home with grandparents. Hopefully, this will serve as my journal to chart my success in reaching my goal. Finally got past the aching balls recently, but I’m now into my fourth straight day of a headache, just a little stronger than a caffeine headache. And the jitteriness, the distractedness, the inability to cope with stress, and the craving for release. I found myself staring at a naked softcore cartoon yesterday somehow (still not entirely sure how I got to it), and had to click the x, because even something that tame is giving my heart a slight thrill. I read that my body is supposed to be in a de-sensitized stage here soon, but I only seem to be getting hornier. Distracting myself from fantasy is also difficult. Irritable enough that I’m getting in verbal fights with my wife and daughter for no good reasons. Any suggestions on how to lessen these issues?