The Cake is a Lie

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by InsideOut, Aug 26, 2012.

  1. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Because it's a barbarian country, lol. There are none. Hostels are almost non-existant as well despite of being as expensive as rent. Simply put, there are no simple ways for someone to find a place to stand, or maybe I'm overly a cave-troll.

    Seems like we've (will share the rent with the friend of mine) found a proper flat, will seal the deal the next week. Struggling to not to get too excited about it. My friend threatens me with getting a girl for me when we'll settle in on our own, lol.
     
  2. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    My God, that's a terrible threat. You better abandom that friendship man! Can't risk getting a girl and becoming an upstanding member of society :p
     
  3. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Thanks for the encouragement, guys :) Honestly, I'm very intimidated with such a drastic and rapid changes and arising opportunities. Trying to keep myself in a decent mental condition (i.e. don't run to the old routines), and so far it works. Not sure if this was possible if I still jacked it off (today is day 31, BTW), often I feel vigor and being in the good mood even after the work which consumes more than 12 hours a day, including commute. Also it seems like I'm escaping the flatline which lasted about two last weeks. Stay tuned and be well, in a matter of week something ought to happen, I'll move out from parents or do something else if this won't work out.
     
  4. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Logging in to report on day 40. I moved out from my parents, everything runs smooth so far. Some part of me still can't believe it and sends me sparks of anxiety mixed with excitement, lol. Want to fuck, but no that badly (yet) to go and seek for a girl.
     
  5. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Seeing CleanHands, Modus and other guys succeed is a truly inspiring thing. I am extremely glad for them and their successes strengthen my own determination to follow the path. Also leaving me wondering how would I catch up with them and not be a lagging one. I did an extremely important thing recently, moved out from my parents to live on my own, it all runs very well, but on the girls department I have no prospects nor particular plans. Which makes my subconscious (lizard maybe) brain a little desperate and tempts back into fapping lifestyle. But it's already the day 43 and I'm good and kicking :)
     
  6. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Nice :) Will look forward for it then, lol. It's also rather cold and nasty outside there, so when spring actually will kick in, something will change (i.e. shorter pants, skirts and horny organisms, lol).
     
  7. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Sort of butthurt. Left to visit my parents on weekend, so my friend, with whom I rent the flat, decided to bring his girlfriend into. I'm generally ok with that since it's our common territory. When I arrived back to parents and claimed that I'm staying till tomorrow, they blushed and I joked about them having "plans" too. Everyone around is making love while I plow snow, do push ups and read/play games -_-

    And I'm still unable to reach out and meet girls in public. It fucking frighten me and I find no courage or nerve to overcome that yet. I don't know what to say, I dread rejection or public embarassment (despite of constantly reminding myself of "others doesn't give a fuck about me, and I don't give a fuck about them too"). Dead end. Will consider online dating at first, to get coversation experience in the first place. Also kind of threat to rebooting since my subconscious is desperate because of not having any prospects.
     
  8. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    You're badass, lol. I never got past sitting a little closer than usual to a girls in transportation.

    Fuck. I'm broken for no apparent reason. Feeling low-energetic, resentment and depressed. Also running late on exams, don't know where to get money and where to move in life general. So girls are out of question as for yet, don't want to build any new relationships now.
     
  9. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Holy fucking shit. That's tough and totally unexpected. I completely have nothing to do. My friends are busy so I can't meet with them, I don't want to play games or watch movies, I think I want to go out and do something, but it's cold outside and I think it's silly to wander around without purpose. Holy fuck. I am very lonely and depressed. That lack of general direction in life about which I've talked around here finally took me, I have some degree of freedom, some money and I don't know what to do with all that.
     
  10. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Also some men at work incline me to participate in some business. It requires getting a temporary debt to start. I'm scared out of shit, I never did anything dangerous or risky. Maybe it's a leap of faith that should be taken, but if it won't work out I'll get into trouble. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I'm scared, anxious and confused.
     
  11. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Car leasing. I am to buy a car and lease it to a company, getting revenue. Therefore, if something ruins, I will have a debt to pay off (and it will be very tough considering my current job). It is legal, but some risk is here anyway (i.e. the company I will lease the car to goes bankrupt, or the car gets into an accident, you name it). Never dealt neither with significant amounts of money nor owned a car on my own. Also my parents will be extremely upset on me if I participate in such thing (they fear any kind of "non-conventional" employment).

    Any ideas on what one can do on his own in a city when it's -12°C outside?
     
  12. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    Hmm..that's a tough one. How much money do you need? What's the projected maintence costs per year (including replacing common parts) and how much will you be able to charge a client? You need to really figure out all the costs beforehand.

    And you will not do this alone right? The risk will be split between a few individuals right?
     
  13. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    I am to take a credit of approximately $20 000. Maintenance won't be overly expensive, something about $300 every other month. Upon leasing I will get $60 per day — $1800 per month, so the credit will be paid off in less than a year. After that the car will generate direct profit or can be sold and I will keep that money. The risk will be on me, but I will choose the driver who will work on the car by myself. Also there will be an extended insurance policy, but I didn't figured out it in detail yet — what are limits of payment and how much will it cost.

    Had a long conversation about my situation with a friend last night. When you getting to tell someone about your affairs, things get perspective. I, honestly, was quite amazed by myself about how much has change, how much is to come and how many options I have right now. It is not only about the aforementioned business, there are plenty of other ideas and changes as well. To list some of them:
    • No fapping (lol). It's day 50 now, I decided to indulge a little today, and then go cold turkey again. Next time I'll come only with a girl or after not less than 50 days to keep the streak.
    • Showering daily. At my parents it was somewhat complicated with a hot water, so I groomed every other day or twice-trice a week. Maybe silly thing to mention, but it is the way it is.
    • Keeping posture. I try and walk with straight back. It feels awkward to some extent, I literally have to relearn how to walk.
    • Doing push-ups. Three times a week. Considering to include squats too, legs are developed already (when I was a heavy cyclist), but may increase the overall tone. And vent some excessive energy, I sometimes feel the urge to punch someone.
    • Meditating. Not very consistent with it yet, but I'm trying.
    • Less hanging in the net and games — yesterday I experienced a desperate desire to go out and socialize, phoned almost all the people I know until made an arrangement. I was so bored and locked-in so even considered going to work.
    • Working on voice and breathing. Trying to incorporate diaphragmatic breathing.
    • Some neat ideas on things to experience: fly a plane, attend gun training course, visit a planetarium and so on.

    For some reason it didn't affect my confidence and overview of myself yet (unfortunately), but the friend comforted me saying that it will kick in over time. Looking forward to it. One can't pick up girls and conquer the world without a solid look on himself ;)
     
  14. Ahermit

    Ahermit New Member

    Hey, InsideOut.
    Sounds like a grey zone buisness, doesn't it?
    BTW from which part of our cold and wild motherland are you?
     
  15. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Every business is a grey zone to some extent. By its nature.

    I'm from the very heart of the country, lol :)
     
  16. Ahermit

    Ahermit New Member

    Well by grey zone I mean a bit illegal. When I see words "leasing", "credit" and "buisness" in one sentence you know..well maybe it is how your parents think about it. I am not an expert anyway.

    You mean Moscow or Siberia?:)
     
  17. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    I meant "this is the place where I talk about my most private stuff", mostly.
     
  18. fullset

    fullset Member

    Hey man, business is probably the best way to make money. It gives you independence, and I'm not sure how taxes work in Russia, but it also lets you claim exemptions that reduces your taxable income and puts more money in your wallet.

    Every business proposition comes with a bit of risk. You should research it more carefully, get in touch with people who do/done similar things. And your monthly liability should be something that you can do without. For eg, if you have $300 a month that won't make a difference in your life if it is in your bank account or not, than take a risk of $300/month. You should ideally have some cushion (I would say about 3 months or so) where even if you don't have any income, you will be able to survive.

    Good luck mate!
     
  19. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    I agree with that :) It turns out that I have a secret dream of doing business (or at least a passive income) and not working on schedule. Never got to consciously admit it, maybe because of my parents' attitude towards business. Maybe this desire also stems from insecurity, I want to have some safety net which can sustain my lifestyle no matter what happens.

    Decided to make the plunge and go for that deal. Psyche is fucking with me, I repeatedly shift from being confident and even persuasive to other people about it to getting icy sweat and thinking "WTF I AM DOING WHY DID I SIGNED UP FOR THIS". Scary as shit for me, never started any deals, never got any significant debt and never simply owned a car, not to say rent it.

    I got some opinions from people who involved, tried to get more info and weigh all risks I could imagine, but it is very scary anyway. Seems like even if I lose everything, I will still be able to pay off the credit, though it will put a big strain on my finances. I have some cushion which will sustain me for a couple of months if I continue to live here on my own, or to cover the part of the credit immideately if I return to my parents.

    Feeling intimidated about having to tell parents about it. They for certain won't support the affair (they have some preconceptions about business) and they probaly won't like and get upset of me forcing against their opinion. They don't want to control me, but they will be worried of my well-being when I act in ways they doesn't approve. I have no idea how to handle that. I want to pave my own path, I want them to be calm and happy, and it all seems contradictory.

    Also, after my little indulgence on day 50 my libido kick-started again. Strong desire to look at girls, even some subconscious inclination to spend time with women in general — yesterday there were two girls from the other department in our office, out of my tastes (neither age-wise nor looks-wise), but I had some joy being around them anyway. Also played Bioshock Infinite and was amazed with Elizabeth (quite obvious, lol). And putting sexual jokes and allusions here and there, oggling girls on the street and all that.
     
  20. CleanHands

    CleanHands Guest

    Good luck with the business man! When will you sign the loan and get the car? How will you find people who wish to rent?
     

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