The Cake is a Lie

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by InsideOut, Aug 26, 2012.

  1. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Fantasy, then some stories. Realized a funny thing, I got more aroused with the synthesized stuff my mind produced than with bikini photos of some of my young, cute and slender girl friends, who are, to addition, are far more "reachable" than fantasy. A perfect illustration for desensitization/sensitization conception. I guess I'd better try this time to fantasize about real people and realistic situations (fortunately, sometimes realistic settings are more exciting than purely imagined, I didn't lost all my natual sexuality yet, lol) or not to fantasize at all, rather than constructing virtual performances. Just re-read this and it seem quite like Inception, oddly.

    Also, can't measure how much damage was taken if any, since I had bad sleep and bad blood sugars (not connected to fapping, to say) and feel like my brain is rotting. Will analyze that tomorrow when I'll have a more clear state of the mind.
  2. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Ok, I can say that I didn't suffer that much damage. Yesterday I had an exam and then went to a friends' meeting. I had a really good time and dominated the conversation, despite of there being one guy I'm not familiar with (yet). Was confident and even somewhat cocky on exam too.
  3. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Oops, I did it again. Not exactly right now, of course. Nothing surprising though, it's just an echo of the previous event, it likely will haunt me until I get satisfied. Funny thing is, prolonged eye-fucking seem creepy now, had a trouble gazing on that small cute shy girl in the commute yesterday.
  4. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Do you think your sub-conscience was acting out there in shame? I started this conversation with Pedigree in his journal too.
  5. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    I don't think so. Thare's no shame, it's likely just the chaser effect combined with stored energy towards it.

    Did all positive activities, some studying and had some academic success today. More to that, felt rather badass a few times, but there were a few girls around to test it on them :) I'm very pleased, but tired.
  6. digitalzone

    digitalzone Guest

    Hi Guy, what do you study? And where are you from? GMT4 means Ukraine Russia? Maybe more east. Sorry for questions, I am only interested in. 57+ days is a nice number :)
  7. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    I study Computer Sciences, the second year right now. But I was a geek from my early years already. You're right, I live in Russia (ib4 deanonimization).

    Okay, guys, enough of this shit. I'm seriously on the track now.
  8. kees

    kees Who took the cool out of the coolidge effect?

    You're a russian hero man. (It says so above your avatar.)
    I hope you stay off the vodka too.

    I like cake "though".
  9. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

  10. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    My friends are a little fucked in the head unconventional so I drink very rarely ;) Even on shared birthdays there're sometimes remarks like this: "WTF, it's so late already, and we are all sober yet?"
  11. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    InsideOut, why don't you have a counter?

    By the way, do you wanna partake in this thread?

    Edit: how about you and Eternity? Or maybe you and RedPill.
  12. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    I have my own counters :) Occam's Razor, thou shalt not have more counters than thou need to. I use a Routinely app on my mobile device to track my recurring activities, such as exercising, meditation, no fapping and all that. Today is my second day.

    I thought about participating in the bet, but I decided to hold off for a few days until I realize that I'm stable enough for a long run.
  13. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Holy shit, no fap for entire life. I feel like Sisyphus and I'm a little desperate and fearful because I don't yet keep a strong belief that everything will be good and in place eventually (regarding life and actualization in general and dating and sex in particular). And I tend to think that I won't either, at least unless I actually arrive there (or get on the path steadily if to look at it from the perspective of Tao).

  14. RedPill

    RedPill Back to Reality...

    Just be wary of spending too much time 'in your own head'. Go with the flow.

    I've noticed that you often reference a lot of books and theories and philosophical concepts, and it reminds me a lot of the programmers that I have worked with in the past. They had super-egos. They thought they were the smartest people on the planet and that everyone should listen to what they had to say with their vastly superior intellect. They were very intelligent people, but became very wearing after a while, as they were more interested in talking about their views about life, the universe and everything, and less interested in being open and receptive to other human beings. They lived in their own minds too much. Sometimes it is healthy to just let loose and act stupid for a while and enjoy goofing about with others who aren't concerned with what happened before The Big Bang, if you know what I mean.

    I don't want you to think I'm insulting you, because I'm not. I'm not saying intelligence is a bad thing, or that it shouldn't be strived for. But it can be a burden that weighs us down emotionally sometimes, and I think you might need to take life less seriously from time to time. I am saying this from past experience because I used to be that guy.

    Of course, we're allowed to talk about ourselves and our views in our own journals, that is what they are for after all. You might not be like that at all when around real people. I know I tend to become a bit obsessive about analysing every little psychological nuance in my journal, but I'm not like that when it comes to hanging out with friends in reality. I've learned that people warm to you more when you come down off of your pedestal and meet them in the eye. Become warm and receptive to what they have to say and really listen and interact. It actually becomes more fun than you thought it would be. And it's practically a necessity when chatting to girls, as they are always more attracted to a guy who seems more interested in them than they are in themselves.

    What sort of stuff do you do/talk about when you're socialising?
  15. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Seems like that as relapses going, it take less time each time to recover. Grinded arms with a girl again today. She came in to the wagon, stopped for a second, choosing where to sit, and landed beside me. I leaned on her slightly, our arms touched and it all went almost like in the previous occasion. She didn't express any distinctive feedback from it, but didn't back up from me either. When she left, she gave me a quite confusing look, but I got anxious and broke eye contact first. What a shame. Other things are kinda smooth too, despite of failing at study, but I will figure out something.

    That's my main state of being, lol :) It's extremely hard for me to "be present" and I'm not sure I ever experienced that state for real. I'm trying to, but it is very hard, I'm either inside of my head or acting on reflexes (which means defense and anxiety for me).

    I can relate to what you say about your beknown programmers, I noticed that too. Sometimes I can be playful and foolish, sometimes I'm overly serious either. Sometimes I'm just with people but don't have any agenda towards them, so I have to force myself into social participation.

    I think I understand you well enough to not to be insulted by anything you have to say :) I also think that being overly serious may be related to the lack of actual life experience (i.e. cavetrolling), so I have to pretend to have more weight to not to become an outsider in the group. But there another huge topic arise, which is one of my biggest problems so far — the lack of drive (and courage) to step outside of my comfort zone, to develop myself and achieve. I believe that celibate will give some kick in that department, and experience (and anecdotal evidence of other guys) shows that it is very likely to happen.

    Also I mostly write here when I'm in somewhat reflective and analytic mood, sort of journaling therapy :)

    I guess you're right. Even my close friends know about a third of what I'm writing here.

    Me too :) Sometimes I'm just a somewhat childish guy and a soul of the company. Sometimes I combine it with some deep conversations, and I can tell you that people like it, even strangers. That situation when you laugh about a dirty joke on one second, and discourse about cultural impact of Internet memes on the other.

    And then the fear of vulnerability steps in...

    What can you say about a girl who doesn't want to express herself to me? Dry shot, leave her alone and go for someone more open?

    Oh, it's hard to generalize. I have several social circles which are mostly don't overlap, and the common topics vary between them. Taken from the head: studying problems, games, Internet stuff, gadgets, cars (I'm not a fan and don't own one, but I sometimes like to hear others' cool stories, also I consult others technically quite often), sometimes psychology (I talk mostly) and politics, a few shared hobbies/obsessions.
  16. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

  17. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    6/10 - would bang. ;D ;D ;D

    But seriously that was a really good speech. I can definitely relate to it, I do it all the time with my job... that interview bit, that's basically what I do for a living. I wait for the other person to come in for a couple minutes, and then we start the process. I think I already do this already, but I'm definitely going to keep it in the back front of my mind now each time my work calls for it.
  18. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    I will try to watch my posture while being outside. I sometimes do this already, but I guess it needs more dedication despite of. Also maybe girls look at me more when I keep upright posture and open gestures, will pay attention to that too.
  19. InsideOut

    InsideOut Guest

    Regarding the recently popular concept of "porn is not an option mindset". I agree with that, and a beliefs like that can make the whole process a lot easier, if not to say to make it possible at all. Also I think that it can be applied to the other areas of life which one is striving to improve. But there is some problem I didn't find the way to tackle yet. If you neither have a girlfriend nor have any prospects or just inexperienced and never been involved in the "game", this good mindset will turn into this: "I will have no sexual pleasure ever, since I have no partner at the moment, I have no ability to find a partner in the future and I prohibited myself my last resort method to get a relief." It is unrealistic, it is fatalism, it causes pain and desperation, but it has some logic in it. So one can be immediately set up for a relapse just from the sheer terror of never getting sex in any form in his life. Just like being castrated.

    The only way to overcome this is to have a strong belief that eventually you will somehow get laid (to say straight). But for complete virgins or simply not that lucky guys such an implication seem almost religious, "you just have to believe in what you know doesn't exist, and then it will work". The shaky foundation in terms of aiming for a long run. I have no answer on that yet. To be honest, my own assurance in the bright future ahead lies only on random grinding or glances from girls outside (when I manage to keep clean for more than a week).
  20. RedPill

    RedPill Back to Reality...

    Yeah, and that is only after one week! Remember to be open to the possibility that you could be a totally different person after 3 months of reboot. Read Modus' list of improvements in his 100th day post. His social anxiety disappeared and his confidence skyrocketed. Who's to say you won't have 'game' when you get to that stage? The energy and drive you will have built up will override any underlying doubts, and you'll break barriers you previously assumed were impenetrable (excuse the pun). ;D

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