I am having more luck this week in being and keeping calm and sitting with difficult emotions that would otherwise make me act out. On Sunday I was alone the whole afternoon; this is usually prime time to go do something i.e. easy sex in town. I struggled and sat and agonized and tried to work but didn't get any work done; I did not act out but I got in a really really foul mood and eventually I had several glasses of wine. But I was happy that I didn't act out. I rode through the shit without totally allowing my actions to go into automatic pilot. Every day I am reading in Buddhism and dong half an hour of meditation. Every day it is different. I am coming more to realize that my frustration and suffering is really just duhkha and the mind doing its thing. Duhkha is the pain and suffering of being a living being. It is the constant dissatisfaction and craving that I feel because I always want something. I want to seep myself in pleasure or run from pain. I am sad or angry or flustered or anxious. All the time. The way I am wired makes me super aware of my feelings and sometimes the way I feel is insufferable. So of course I act out. I am trying to get away from myself and my own pain. But there's nothing wrong with me and there's nothing wrong with the world. I guess I am coming into my own awareness all the time, more and more, there's nothing to run away from, there's nowhere to go. This morning I was just enjoying meditating, being with my thoughts. I find it really reassuring that there is a path, that you can get on it, that there is a way! And I fully understand that nothing happens by us wanting it to happen. It happens when you surrender. When you are literally so fed up, that you give up wanting, and you give up waiting for anything, because you know that it's never going to fucking happen anyway. And then I guess you are home. I am curious how you others are also getting along, and what your experience is of the pervasive suffering or duhkha that Buddhism tells us about.