Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by LOGOS, Jul 9, 2013.
that sounds amazing.
The trick will be meditating on days when I don't do it in the mroning. should have default backup time for it.
Re: The Buddha-Dharma Reboot
Isn't Dharma rather amazing. I'm about to head off to my second Iyengar yoga class this morning. I meditate regularly, Zazaka, do you have any tips on maintaining a regular practice.
- Professor Chaos
I'm so glad to be reading this again. I have been keeping a yoga dvd at the ready in the player and today as soon as the urge came up, I did an hour of yoga. 15 minutes would have been great too. I find that the physical awareness I get in my body, the control of breath and the effect on heartrate, and just getting out of the blocked, addicted mind for a little while, really help.
I don't have tips for regular meditation, as I am working it into my life as well, but I usually do it in the morning. And some breathing, especially the Taoist 'microcosmic orbit' which is really helpful if I feel a buildup of sexual energy.
I would really like to go on a retreat at some point soon, Buddhism has been an enormous comfort to me.
I especially liked Stephen Batchelor's 'Buddhism without Belief'.
Looking forward to hearing more.
Good luck with your 7 days, one day at a time. Will check out that Buddhist book, I've heard it mentioned before.
I can't describe how happy I am to see this group having picked up and taken off. Keep up the good dharma work, gentlemen.
I am on my reboot Part II, with new rules. I tried really hard the first time, failed really hard, and now need to find the middle way!!
I am enrolled now at recovery nation and hopefully those workshops will be of help. They seem very complete, which I think basically begins with a deeper look at what you are all about. When I am in the beginning of a relapse into acting out on sexual impulses, I am basically no longer conscious of what I am doing. It's only aversion to bad feelings, and craving for pleasure. The rest is basically not there, the attitude becomes... Just fuck it, who cares. As someone recently told me, that's when the real work starts.
I've been reading some interesting articles about the limbic system in the brain - the system of the Proto-mammalian brain that's responsible for a lot of basic behaviors like fight-and-flight, rewards and addictions, and pleasure, sexual satiety, emotional regulation.
Funny how those things are connected in one system!
And higher brain functions, in the neocortex and the Neo-mammalian brain are responsible for reasoning, planning, logic, understanding consequences... and a host of other things.
Guess which part of the brain is activated by meditation?
So from this perspective meditation becomes even more important.
Here is a lovely article about mindfulness and ex addiction from YBOP - I am working through it and would love any thoughts or comments.
Happy to be here on Reboot Pt II Day 1.
I'm very interested to see not only that there is information about mindfulness and meditation on YBOP, I never noticed it before, but also that this information discusses sexual addiction more broadly. Gary has seemed to want to keep sexual addiction and porn addiction distinct. I think that the addition of this material to YBOP is good all around.
Thank you for this tip, BSM. I would really love to hear people's opinions on choosing a meditational path that is helpful, especially in terms of cravings and impulse control. There are so many systems and schools and methods out there, I'm a bit bewildered, and reading about all of them has not helped me focus my practice.
I am doing 15 minutes of mindfulness every morning, focusing on becoming aware of sensory input and sensing the energy in my body or just the inner space. As a yoga guy this fits very well with yoga practice and I find it again when I am on the mat. Practice is getting better because of it. Tantra fits with yoga, and is also about energy in the body, and becoming aware of sexual energy accumulating, and raising it towards the heart. This is where I am at.
I'd like to start meditating with a group, so that's why I'm asking you all to share what you love and have found useful. I believe that we will not only transcend our addictions, but find joy again in our lives.
Blessings to all,
I've been practicing mindfulness meditation for the last six weeks. It makes a big difference, not just with the porn but with everything. Can't get enough of it.
What's Been Useful?
I'd like to ask the more experienced meditators here what has been most useful to them in their spiritual process, in terms of rebooting and dealing with cravings / urges.
Right now I am doing mindfulness mediation every day, based on what I am reading in Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now.
Also, Metta Bhavana has been very useful in generating more positive energy and positive thinking in general.
There is a very nice explanation and guide for it over at:
best greetings to all
Re: What's Been Useful?
My path has been mindfulness meditation in the Zen style, which is essentially breath-focused. I sit between 30 and 40 minutes a session, once or twice a day. Pema Chodron's book Taking the Leap offers excellent suggestions for working with addiction from a dharma perspective. And Norman Fischer's book Training in Compassion is excellent too, insofar as addiction is a crisis of compassion with ourselves, and PMO/sex addictions do for sure involve a breakdown in our compassion for others.
Thank you so much for your reccs!
From my corner, I would recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle as well as Buddhism without Belief by Stephen Batchelor. They are both books that I reread every year, that never stop giving insight.
Sitting a Vipassana course is also extremely rewarding. Still one of the toughest things I've done. It's incredible what your mind is capable.
Currently I meditate between 1 - 2 hours a day and it's amazing for my awareness and focus. It helps keep so many areas of my life under control and keeps me centred and balanced.
Here is a description of the technique.
Here is a link to centers worldwide.
It wasn't until practicing for about six months that I realized that PMO was a problem for me.
On Sunday, I had an appointment with our Zen teacher. In part of our talk, we worked through the question: What is the meaning behind the four Encompassing Vows?
The four Encompassing Vows
Beings are numberless; I vow to save them.
Greed, hatred and ignorance rise endlessly; I vow to abandon them.
Dharma gates are countless; I vow to enter them all.
Buddha Way is unsurpassed; I vow to accomplish it.
We first talked about how I was coming along with zazen (our form meditation) and how I was along within the zendo itself too. Then I asked my first question about the four Encompassing Vows. His first response was to ask me what a vow is. I explained to him that is something that you promise to do or to live by. He said to me that everything must be connected to zazen. We went through the first Vow together. We discussed how being could be saved through zazen. I told him by finding inner peace (in other words, by being a more peaceful person to others) and by being a living example of the effects of zazen.
Next we talked about Dharma gates and about how they can be something like a right of passage, an accomplishment, a test or a universal truth. There are never-ending; there is always a new Dharma gate to go through. We talked about examples of Dhrama gates: doing zazen for longer periods, gasshô (a special Zen bow) and the function of the Buddha figure in the zendo. I made a connect between the third and fourth Vows. The Dharma gates lead you along the Buddha Way, and if they are endless then so too is the Buddha Way. Then we continued onto other topics.
But in hindsight, I can see how pmo/sex addiction is like a form of greed that needs to be abandoned and also as a Dharma gate that has to be passed through. Through zazen, one can overcome our greed and pass through this gate.
Beautiful beautiful beautiful!
Thank you, men, for sharing.
I feel very privileged today to be a part of this forum. You guys are my heroes.
I'm ordering all these books to amass an awe inspiring library of resources.
Psychotherapy (at least mine, which is a pretty straightforward cognitive behavioral type), always goes back to this idea of a strong sense of self, of boundaries, of good self esteem, how we know ourselves and our limits, how we come to self-love and ultimately control of the self, self-soothing etc. I find that the Eastern philosophies often seem to say the opposite- in terms of becoming ego-less.
Any thoughts on how to develop a healthy ego and limits while at the same time letting go of the self?
One of the interesting realizations I had in meditation is simply... THERE'S NO ONE THERE. In other words, my body is being aroused (for sex) by fantasizing about someone or something and that person isn't even in the room with me. It's a strange idea isn't it. That we sit there and just get turned on by the IDEA of something and our body responds by readying us for sex. It's a bit like sitting there picturing images of food or of a delicious meal and our stomach starts to growl. Then you look around realize, there is no food. The only food you get to eat, is the food you are prepared to make/get for yourself and or the food made or prepared by others.
PMO has us conditioning our bodies to be aroused by an idea. Not a person or an action. I think that's a big part of the secret for me in overcoming this problem. No arousal unless there is someone there to enjoy it with me. Otherwise it's like taking out a picture of a delicious cake and staring at it for a while and thinking about how good it will taste. M is like chewing something tasteless in our mouths while we continue to stare at the picture of the food.
Where the true insanity lies is that we finally get to eat. The food placed before us, never matches the beautifully photo-shopped picture of the cake and when we eat it, all we can think about is how it's not as good as our photo and how we'd rather be chewing our cud. We're sure it tasted better in our minds.
The key for me with insight meditation is realizing, that there is nothing and no-one around me, there is no reason for me to be aroused right now. This is just sex with ghosts of the past or future. Save it. Wait. Enjoy it when there is someone to enjoy it with. Sex is meant to be shared, not kept to ourselves in a dark lonely room. I hope that makes sense.
I think that's an excellent metaphorical description of the rewiring process.
I would be very interested to join your group. I find the scientific reality of addiction very interesting when relating it to meditation. I'm an ex-bhikkhu from the Theravada Thai forest tradition. My addiction is what brought me to disrobe eventually.
I'm 37 days into not looking at porn, and about two weeks less than that in not visualizing/fantasizing when with my wife. I plan to keep these two things going. I have not masturbated yet either, although one day I may choose to again but without visualizing. I see that it will be a long time before my mindfulness is strong enough to allow it.
I'm happy to share more in the future and would appreciate the support of a spiritual based group here. Maybe you have reached your maximum member size already as was suggested at about 16?
Hello VB -
Your insights will be most welcome! Especially teaching those of us who are quite new to practice how the Way can be of help.
Welcome welcome welcome.
Of interest to the yoga heads out there:
Someone wrote something beautiful to me today, someone I met on facebook who is a yoga guru dude and ayurvedic doctor. I've been asking folks about yoga and calming the sex drive. As I continue to not O, I am feeling a lot more energy in my body. A lot of emotions are coming up, and sometimes a lot of emptiness and sadness. That's also the hole addiction leaves in your life. As much pain as there is now, it's very different from the mind numbing pain of acting out and disconnecting from myself and others through sex. I love the image of the internal fire burning away our impurities - the fire that all of us ignite and maintain through our efforts and practices.
"When we do yoga asana, pranayama and meditation we are offering our egos up to Lord Shiva who is the father of yoga as a whole. In this process we are offering attachments and manifestations into the fire of transformation (tapasya). It is in this internal puja that flames transforms into ashes that which doesn't serve us. In this, it is important to ask your body what it wants. It is imperative that we open the dialogue between body, mind and spirit as we invite this inner churning. It doesn't sound like you're doing anything "wrong" at this point but I would look at what is coming up as a physical discomfort and see what that experience has to say. In other words, be gentle at that edge point and let up some of your effort so that what is coming up can easily transition and release itself. If we force ourselves past it with techniques like pranayam and asana, we can create more physical karma. Slow down, have awareness, see what body is showing you and gently take it by the hand like a child and walk it along. Yoga is a powerful process and to be done delicately. I hope this helps. Thanks for confiding in me."
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